and yet it has happened again. i sat up in bed, and twisted my back - crack, crack. YUP. my back hurts. the bed didn't break, don't worry. SHOOT. they don't have pillowtop mattresses here. but they do have air conditioning. and a shower that i can barely fit in. but it's good. haha and they also have good food. we've been commuting from the seminary over to the st. ignatius school for some teacher training. second day almost done!
today we learned how to set the tone for the first day of school, set the guidelines, and bust out meaningful procedures for our students. luckily i'm with 10th graders, so i don't think it will be TOO hard for them to follow directions. at least, i sure hope not. shoot, the biggest struggle will be me NOT saying shoot, girl, and dang, and don't forget, ghetto, and i gotta make sure i pronounce their names right after the first day of school. haha, we role played, and i did well! :) YUP, totally different from role playing a coupon machine or a door hanger program to clients. those two words have haunted me for the past two years, and for the first time, i am finally almost 100% comfortable with that situation...maybe cause it is a completely different world. we have entered a whole new genre and way of living here folks. oohh soo good.
i just took a strengths finder test ( i think i took this for RA training too ) and i am an activator, empathy, individualization is important to me, woo, and connectedness. yeah - totally good ones, i'm happy about that. HAHA.
sooo that is that. dinner tonight then some game on race and culture. SHOULD be interesting. hahaha! anyway, i still get a kick out of myself, and i think people are having fun too, except we are all mildly feeling a bit of cabin fever action. bachelorette night on plush couches was fun, and last night we discovered that pretty much the majority of the girls like to date guys NOT their same race. haha, i guess that's just how things work around here...it's a small world, after all!
sooo, with THAT bein said, my name is going to be miss catalan to my students. i feel like that's like 4 syllables too many, so we're definitely busting out the miss C action...so i think it will be MIZ C. hahaha...and then if they wanna be fiesty about it, they'll call me missy. but i will stress the importance of NOT doing that, otherwise crystal will respond with loving anger. YUP. soooo there we go. enjoy your day, and think of some "getting to know each other" games for my 10th graders. thanks.
i'm gonna be teacherrrr!! and a campus minister!!! woot woot!!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
then i saw fireflies
whew! it is CRAZY to think that only a day has passed by, since training had begun here. i am staying at a beautiful seminary out here in west philadelphia - it straight up looked like buckingham palace with a catholic statue flair to it, when we first arrived. i am with about 25 other teachers in the response ability program ( catchy, i know! ), but i am attending this teacher training with the group, though i am with the cabrini mission corps, with this other missioner, michelle. we're gonna be teachers/campus ministers at mother cabrini high school in new york! yay!
...yeah this is for real. i'm gonna be a teacher. a health teacher. and i'm gonna talk abotu fun stuff like puberty, drugs, and stds. hahahahaha, yeah, RIGHT?! :) i just received some name plates too for my classroom. DANG!
it has been quite the whirlwind so far, but God has been so good in bringing together good great people in my midst. whenever i hear the word LA ( there are some people here that will be moving to downtown Los Angeles to serve with their program ), i immediately think of santa monica and all the goodness west LA has brought me. and then i think of coupons. and then i immediately forget. HAHAHA...it is crazy to think that that was my life for the past two years, because to be honest, i can not even, maybe because i do not want to, but i can not even remember the feelings i had sitting in my cubicle - the negatives ones that would jump out at me when i would get upset. i think that's a good thing!
the homesickness is still there for sure. every time i talk to my mom on the phone, i know we are both crying a little bit on the other end. trying really hard to mask it as much as possible. we had a prayer this morning and we invited the spirit into the place wherever we were at - into the homesickness we were feeling, into the nervousness, the anxiety, the uncertainty. it is so good to talk to these other volunteers with me and hear their struggles and the challenges they all faced trying to get here. we all had to battle our parents in one way or another, whther it was good or bad, we were all faced with some crazy bumps along the way, but we all recognize the call that we each received. and we all responded in the same way. it's good.
to be perfectly honest though, i have yet to feel 100% completely comfortable here. given, it's only been a day, but still, like, i'm not quite there yet...maybe, we will see. i think it's cause it's hard for me to sleep in an unknown, unfamiliar place, and i'm starting to really understand that i will not be home for another 5 months. what the heck...so that is that. i am still so absolutely certain that i am supposed to be here, but it is just the living and the struggling with the effects of that decision, that hit me the hardest.
the humidity is unreal - i feel like, it's unfortunate. and it's not even that bad, but compared to socal, it's not exactly pleasant. :) that's ok though...we are living simply, we are eating well, my hair hates the humidity, and i saw my first fireflies this afternoon!!!! yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! haha as IF i love nature or something.
but there we have it. i'll try to post pics asap, but since they don't have wireless here, i gotta access everything through the seminary's library computers, and of course, facebook is blocked. YEAH, shoot, gotta keep those seminarians away from the real world. hahaha!
oh yeah, and 3 different people in the program have told me that i remind them of someone they know. shoot, so i'm unique. HAHA
until next time my loves <3
try your best and God will take care of the rest...
...yeah this is for real. i'm gonna be a teacher. a health teacher. and i'm gonna talk abotu fun stuff like puberty, drugs, and stds. hahahahaha, yeah, RIGHT?! :) i just received some name plates too for my classroom. DANG!
it has been quite the whirlwind so far, but God has been so good in bringing together good great people in my midst. whenever i hear the word LA ( there are some people here that will be moving to downtown Los Angeles to serve with their program ), i immediately think of santa monica and all the goodness west LA has brought me. and then i think of coupons. and then i immediately forget. HAHAHA...it is crazy to think that that was my life for the past two years, because to be honest, i can not even, maybe because i do not want to, but i can not even remember the feelings i had sitting in my cubicle - the negatives ones that would jump out at me when i would get upset. i think that's a good thing!
the homesickness is still there for sure. every time i talk to my mom on the phone, i know we are both crying a little bit on the other end. trying really hard to mask it as much as possible. we had a prayer this morning and we invited the spirit into the place wherever we were at - into the homesickness we were feeling, into the nervousness, the anxiety, the uncertainty. it is so good to talk to these other volunteers with me and hear their struggles and the challenges they all faced trying to get here. we all had to battle our parents in one way or another, whther it was good or bad, we were all faced with some crazy bumps along the way, but we all recognize the call that we each received. and we all responded in the same way. it's good.
to be perfectly honest though, i have yet to feel 100% completely comfortable here. given, it's only been a day, but still, like, i'm not quite there yet...maybe, we will see. i think it's cause it's hard for me to sleep in an unknown, unfamiliar place, and i'm starting to really understand that i will not be home for another 5 months. what the heck...so that is that. i am still so absolutely certain that i am supposed to be here, but it is just the living and the struggling with the effects of that decision, that hit me the hardest.
the humidity is unreal - i feel like, it's unfortunate. and it's not even that bad, but compared to socal, it's not exactly pleasant. :) that's ok though...we are living simply, we are eating well, my hair hates the humidity, and i saw my first fireflies this afternoon!!!! yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! haha as IF i love nature or something.
but there we have it. i'll try to post pics asap, but since they don't have wireless here, i gotta access everything through the seminary's library computers, and of course, facebook is blocked. YEAH, shoot, gotta keep those seminarians away from the real world. hahaha!
oh yeah, and 3 different people in the program have told me that i remind them of someone they know. shoot, so i'm unique. HAHA
until next time my loves <3
try your best and God will take care of the rest...
Monday, July 27, 2009
isaiah 55
welp! here, i am, in good ol' philadelphia - west philadelphia to be exact. landing at approximately 6:40am EST, i woke up once during my flight, well twice actually. the first time, my neck hurt on the plane, the second time, the pilot said we were preparing for landing! thank God...but let me back track.
i had a beautiful, amazing sending-off party with some of my most dearest friends growing up through middle school and high school, my college friends, church people, and of course, my LA loves. it was just absolutely amazing - amazing in the sense that it is such a blessing to have such good, good people all in the same place. the party was packed with the roasted pig - for real, lots and lots of dessert incl. my friend angela's delicious carrot cake, and pretty much every type of popular filipino dish. it was just pure awesomeness...i guess you could say it started to hit me, when i had to start saying bye to people...what was i doing? gina asked me, are you really doing this? and i thought to myself. shoot, am i really doing this? and the answer was, yes. absolutely.
the next day was sunday. i woke up at 7am, finished writing some thank you cards to distribute to people who attended my party from church. it was the most quiet my house has ever been, probably because my mom as well as i were both anticipating, but not, what was going to happen at 6:50pm. my philly bound flight. clearly there are a lot of mixed emotions here. i got ready for church, and the tears started to fall when i saw my cousins, andrew and paulo show up to mass to hear me sing one last time at church...seeing everyone at mass, was absolutely beautiful. then i sang sanctuary - everyone knew that i was struggling, mostly because i was trembling and shaking during that song, but it didn't matter - the church knew and God knew that i was about to embark on a new journey, and all these emotions are natural...it went fine. :) how i sounded was not important. i think the people knew where my heart was at...
then hugs, and more prayer, and more well wishes...then the cousins helped me pack. and i got to the exact 50 lb. limit with each of the luggages. perfect! i lounged around the house a bit, headed over to church to say goodbye one last time, and boom, airport time. said bye to the cousins, the fam, the mother...talk about emotional status. whew. so good though, so so good. let the travel begin...
i felt like i was on a tv show where they zoom in on the girl leaving her hometown to embark on a new adventure. yeah, that was totally me. the girl next to me was probably like, wow, this girl has a lot of kleenex, her eyes are super swollen, and she looks like she's 12 in glasses. whatev, it didn't matter to me.
i had a 2-hour stopover in San Fran, and with God's amazing timing, i got to have dinner with my cousin!! woohoo!!! that meant, i didn't have to sit around and do nothing! what a great send-off! ...except for the part where i literally RAN to my gate, got to the gate at 10:15, with the plane leaving at 10:25. YUP. i felt like there was a soundtrack with the renegades playing in the background. i was THAT passenger. that one of COURSE with the seat in the back, i was seriously causing commotion, but it's ok, i totally acknowledged it too...too bad the passengers were not having it. definitely the last person to sit in my seat. hahaha and i got my own little storage bin for my luggage. that was quite drama filled though! i thought i was gonna miss my flight. for REAL. if i stopped running any time sooner, i think i would have. it was like that moment in the holiday where cameron diaz is running back in the snow, took a breather, then started running again. it was funny, especially since we all know crystal hates running.
just finished breakfast, and here i am...HERE I AM! the sisters were excited to see me, my mom wants me to come back home, and i am beginning my transition into this new way of living. here we go kids. i'm safe, it will be tough, but it will also be so good. sending love your way.
i had a beautiful, amazing sending-off party with some of my most dearest friends growing up through middle school and high school, my college friends, church people, and of course, my LA loves. it was just absolutely amazing - amazing in the sense that it is such a blessing to have such good, good people all in the same place. the party was packed with the roasted pig - for real, lots and lots of dessert incl. my friend angela's delicious carrot cake, and pretty much every type of popular filipino dish. it was just pure awesomeness...i guess you could say it started to hit me, when i had to start saying bye to people...what was i doing? gina asked me, are you really doing this? and i thought to myself. shoot, am i really doing this? and the answer was, yes. absolutely.
the next day was sunday. i woke up at 7am, finished writing some thank you cards to distribute to people who attended my party from church. it was the most quiet my house has ever been, probably because my mom as well as i were both anticipating, but not, what was going to happen at 6:50pm. my philly bound flight. clearly there are a lot of mixed emotions here. i got ready for church, and the tears started to fall when i saw my cousins, andrew and paulo show up to mass to hear me sing one last time at church...seeing everyone at mass, was absolutely beautiful. then i sang sanctuary - everyone knew that i was struggling, mostly because i was trembling and shaking during that song, but it didn't matter - the church knew and God knew that i was about to embark on a new journey, and all these emotions are natural...it went fine. :) how i sounded was not important. i think the people knew where my heart was at...
then hugs, and more prayer, and more well wishes...then the cousins helped me pack. and i got to the exact 50 lb. limit with each of the luggages. perfect! i lounged around the house a bit, headed over to church to say goodbye one last time, and boom, airport time. said bye to the cousins, the fam, the mother...talk about emotional status. whew. so good though, so so good. let the travel begin...
i felt like i was on a tv show where they zoom in on the girl leaving her hometown to embark on a new adventure. yeah, that was totally me. the girl next to me was probably like, wow, this girl has a lot of kleenex, her eyes are super swollen, and she looks like she's 12 in glasses. whatev, it didn't matter to me.
i had a 2-hour stopover in San Fran, and with God's amazing timing, i got to have dinner with my cousin!! woohoo!!! that meant, i didn't have to sit around and do nothing! what a great send-off! ...except for the part where i literally RAN to my gate, got to the gate at 10:15, with the plane leaving at 10:25. YUP. i felt like there was a soundtrack with the renegades playing in the background. i was THAT passenger. that one of COURSE with the seat in the back, i was seriously causing commotion, but it's ok, i totally acknowledged it too...too bad the passengers were not having it. definitely the last person to sit in my seat. hahaha and i got my own little storage bin for my luggage. that was quite drama filled though! i thought i was gonna miss my flight. for REAL. if i stopped running any time sooner, i think i would have. it was like that moment in the holiday where cameron diaz is running back in the snow, took a breather, then started running again. it was funny, especially since we all know crystal hates running.
just finished breakfast, and here i am...HERE I AM! the sisters were excited to see me, my mom wants me to come back home, and i am beginning my transition into this new way of living. here we go kids. i'm safe, it will be tough, but it will also be so good. sending love your way.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
my hands are holding you...
so here we go kids. i'm leaving my house in about 20 minutes. the car is packed with my 50 lb suitcases (2 of them) and my carry-on, full and completely packed with my 2 foot santo nino statue, my little santo nino and my little good shepherd figurine from the good shepherd sisters from manila. YUP. if the airport people give me any trouble,
Saturday, July 25, 2009
i don't wanna go through the motions
every day there seems to be a blessing. literally, a blessing, for me. for me! ahhh! this is real. i am a little weirded out by the fact that i don't understand what is happening...i go downstairs and i see all the tables set up, all the food being prepared, and for the past 3 days my mom and her friends have been downstairs cutting up vegetables, and gathering food ideas for the party tonight. this is so weird...is this the wedding celebration for me that i will never have? just a thought.
at st. monica, my priest was amazing enough to have me sent out by the parish with an acknowledgement of what i would be doing...in front of the entire congregation! at mass yesterday at st. timothy, my priest gathered the congregation for a public prayer over me. at morning prayer today in front of the blessed sacrament, i got prayed over by all that were in attendance. i don't know if it's that i have been praying about this for quite some time now, and it is becoming a reality, so this has seeped into me for quite sometime now, but everything just feels so natural.
i have been receiving a lot of congratulations, and good luck, and wow, that is so amazing from so many people...and i of course receive it with the utmost amount of gratitude and thanks, but it kind of freaks me out that this just feels so natural and so right, that it is not a shock to me anymore. i suppose many people would say that's a good thing, because that means this is the right decision - but i guess, that's where the freakout comes. what's next??
i am led where i am called, and i am moving in the right direction. i'm teaching health. HAHA. and helping with marketing at the school, due to my marketing background - thank coupons - and i'm helping put together the yearbook. i think i need to start reading books...my commute to school is about 56 minutes. AH! gotta love it.
at st. monica, my priest was amazing enough to have me sent out by the parish with an acknowledgement of what i would be doing...in front of the entire congregation! at mass yesterday at st. timothy, my priest gathered the congregation for a public prayer over me. at morning prayer today in front of the blessed sacrament, i got prayed over by all that were in attendance. i don't know if it's that i have been praying about this for quite some time now, and it is becoming a reality, so this has seeped into me for quite sometime now, but everything just feels so natural.
i have been receiving a lot of congratulations, and good luck, and wow, that is so amazing from so many people...and i of course receive it with the utmost amount of gratitude and thanks, but it kind of freaks me out that this just feels so natural and so right, that it is not a shock to me anymore. i suppose many people would say that's a good thing, because that means this is the right decision - but i guess, that's where the freakout comes. what's next??
i am led where i am called, and i am moving in the right direction. i'm teaching health. HAHA. and helping with marketing at the school, due to my marketing background - thank coupons - and i'm helping put together the yearbook. i think i need to start reading books...my commute to school is about 56 minutes. AH! gotta love it.
Friday, July 24, 2009
this life begins, and then it ends
this really is so surreal. like, legitimately so. it used to be an easy crutch, to just say, oh, this is so surreal. really, there have been about 358 different emotions in my mind, heart and soul in the past couple of months with regards to this change in my life, but to be able to verbalize and have another person fully understand the weight of all of the elements here, is quite the long shot. so, i guess, it has been surreal, it has been a lot, i'm really doing this, and here i am.
i guess it really hit me when i noticed everything that i thought i absolutely needed, was not fitting in my designated suitcases. by a long shot. i don't even think i know how to dress as a campus minister/teacher. all i own are suits from banana republic and dressy shirts for the corporate world, all with the hopes that looking somewhat professional and more than 18 years old, would help me sell some coupons to an interested bunion protector vendor. project fail. how am i supposed to be in solidarity with those i will be serving? i will have to make it work - come as i am. :)
i spent my morning at mass, busted out some adoration, and prayed for some peace in my heart through this transition. my mom and i haven't really spoken about it much, other than going through the motions of trying to make all of my boxes fit in our closets here for storage. inside, i think she's falling over. she asked me last night, what are you gonna do next year? i immediately said, mom, i have no idea. God only knows. this isn't a vacation from life and this isn't a break. if anything, i feel as though i will be actively discerning, being present, and seeing perhaps for the first time, what it feels like to really walk the walk, and talk the talk...only through God-given simplicity and the fullness of grace.
i slept for 3 hours again today as a little nap. i'm starting to see a trend here...probably because i can only take so much of packing and sifting through the mere essentials for survival. no, living life. i really did go through my suitcases one last time today and found that i packed 7 shirts, 7 work shirts, 3 pants, a couple of skirts, 3 pairs of jeans, and some jackets. how the heck does everything compact itself...i don't know, but it looks like it is working. the party clothes have to stay in laguna niguel, and just perhaps they may get shipped. after christmas. who knows...
so there we have it kids. 3 days, and this ain't a joke. mr. brown eyes is also packed, and i'm debating whether or not i should bring mr. panda for companionship. i'm weaving towards yes, but that means i'm going to have to sacrifice a couple of shirts to make some room. hmm...YUP.
i send you out, on a mission of love, i send you out, on a mission of love...and know that i am with you always, until the end of the world...-john angotti
i try to be so tough
but i'm just not strong enough
i can't do this alone, God i need You to hold on to me
i try to be good enough
but i'm nothing without your love
- josh wilson
i guess it really hit me when i noticed everything that i thought i absolutely needed, was not fitting in my designated suitcases. by a long shot. i don't even think i know how to dress as a campus minister/teacher. all i own are suits from banana republic and dressy shirts for the corporate world, all with the hopes that looking somewhat professional and more than 18 years old, would help me sell some coupons to an interested bunion protector vendor. project fail. how am i supposed to be in solidarity with those i will be serving? i will have to make it work - come as i am. :)
i spent my morning at mass, busted out some adoration, and prayed for some peace in my heart through this transition. my mom and i haven't really spoken about it much, other than going through the motions of trying to make all of my boxes fit in our closets here for storage. inside, i think she's falling over. she asked me last night, what are you gonna do next year? i immediately said, mom, i have no idea. God only knows. this isn't a vacation from life and this isn't a break. if anything, i feel as though i will be actively discerning, being present, and seeing perhaps for the first time, what it feels like to really walk the walk, and talk the talk...only through God-given simplicity and the fullness of grace.
i slept for 3 hours again today as a little nap. i'm starting to see a trend here...probably because i can only take so much of packing and sifting through the mere essentials for survival. no, living life. i really did go through my suitcases one last time today and found that i packed 7 shirts, 7 work shirts, 3 pants, a couple of skirts, 3 pairs of jeans, and some jackets. how the heck does everything compact itself...i don't know, but it looks like it is working. the party clothes have to stay in laguna niguel, and just perhaps they may get shipped. after christmas. who knows...
so there we have it kids. 3 days, and this ain't a joke. mr. brown eyes is also packed, and i'm debating whether or not i should bring mr. panda for companionship. i'm weaving towards yes, but that means i'm going to have to sacrifice a couple of shirts to make some room. hmm...YUP.
i send you out, on a mission of love, i send you out, on a mission of love...and know that i am with you always, until the end of the world...-john angotti
i try to be so tough
but i'm just not strong enough
i can't do this alone, God i need You to hold on to me
i try to be good enough
but i'm nothing without your love
- josh wilson
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
...sometimes it's just a lot of stuff.
call it an organized mess...something i'm pretty much known for. piles of stuff EVERYWHERE. i think i took over one of the rooms, the living room downstairs, and parts of our garage - i have tried my best to consolidate my things into different piles - clothes to give away, clothes to bring to NY, clothes to keep but not bring with me, then there's everything else i have, like, my stuffed animals ( i love stuffed animals ), my prayer books ( i have a lot of them ), my other books ( i have some ), my toiletries, papers/pens, greeting cards, etc...needless to say, i have a lot of stuff.
as i'm packing, i am trying my best to remain calm, but as my piles of "things to bring with me" start tipping over in one of my two suitcases, i take a moment and think...ok, let's downsize this. so that's where i'm at. it doesn't help that it's super hot right now. i feel like i can't even hear myself think, because there is just stuff everywhere and it feels a little bit chaotic over here. makes me realize, wow, i have a lot of things i really don't need...just gotta remember, live simply so others may simply live. it's a commitment.
To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter... to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life. ~John Burroughs
as i'm packing, i am trying my best to remain calm, but as my piles of "things to bring with me" start tipping over in one of my two suitcases, i take a moment and think...ok, let's downsize this. so that's where i'm at. it doesn't help that it's super hot right now. i feel like i can't even hear myself think, because there is just stuff everywhere and it feels a little bit chaotic over here. makes me realize, wow, i have a lot of things i really don't need...just gotta remember, live simply so others may simply live. it's a commitment.
To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter... to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life. ~John Burroughs
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
lead me home
my dear friends, the emotional rollercoaster which i have been on, is well on its way. thanks for coming along! my cubicle has been stripped, my clothes have yet to be packed, and my furniture has yet to be taken apart and distributed. so here we go: wednesday, crystal moves out of LA. the time in between, i'll be enjoying orange county and sunday, crystal gets on a plane with her one-way ticket to philadelphia for orientation. it is really crazy to believe that a week from now, i will be spending the night in a seminary with other volunteers who will also be serving with other organizations. it's training, it's orientation, and we're definitely diving right in.
this has all been such a blessing - from timing, to clarity in decision, to the prayers from friends, and prayers from strangers, blessings from priests and congregations, hugs from friends, and even sunday morning when i had a solo at church and couldn't get through the song because of tears which started to come down my face. it is all a blessing, and all good. let the glory fall and may my heart be open, because, just as i had no idea i would be taking a step as a missionary, this could go anywhere...
the place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet - frederick buechner
this has all been such a blessing - from timing, to clarity in decision, to the prayers from friends, and prayers from strangers, blessings from priests and congregations, hugs from friends, and even sunday morning when i had a solo at church and couldn't get through the song because of tears which started to come down my face. it is all a blessing, and all good. let the glory fall and may my heart be open, because, just as i had no idea i would be taking a step as a missionary, this could go anywhere...
the place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet - frederick buechner
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