So for the past hour and a half, I have been sitting in the dunkin donuts/baskin robbins. As part of our attempt to be “regulars” SOMEWHERE…as volunteers/missioners…let’s face it, we gotta budget, and we gotta get the best deals we can…every night we have pretty much been eating ice cream at baskin robbins or mister softee…and sure enough, tonight, jackpot. After a past couple visits of seeing familiar faces, we have finally succeeded, and we are now in the “know” with the managers and fellow employees. Perfect! Just what we needed. HAHA!
So here I am, sitting in the little wooden chair on the little wooden desk, typing away…well for the past hour I was actually working on the study guide for my students who just found out that they have a test on Wednesday. Yeah, go figure, I am working on their chapter review/study guide for health class, here in dunkin donuts. I just finished my snickers ice cream and being the filipino that I am (yeah I said it), I asked for a really big “one scoop” of ice cream. Haha it was delicious! I was typing away on my study guide, and they play bumpin music in here, and we all know how much I love that stuff…surprisingly this has been the most productive I have been! Anyway, I was typing away, and this guy was walking by, like, an older guy and he walked by and saw me dancing in my seat, then definitely walked back to me and was like, wow you’re like typing to the song. What are you doing? Then I told him I was doing a study guide for my students, and he was like, oh! You want ice cream for an extra sugar kick? Haha I said, no thanks – I already had some!
This was probably the best way to end my day…well after school, me, mary and michelle went to mass to celebrate the feast day of the first filipino saint, St. Lorenzo Ruiz. It was a beautiful mass, and it was nice to speak and sing in tagalog again.
Last night I really couldn’t sleep and it was due to actually finding out more about the storm in the Philippines, and knowing that it hit straight on in quezon city and severely hitting marikina and all parts of metro manila, it was really sad and saddened my heart. I just pictured my family and all the families who live in my grandparent’s apartment complex. Then I thought about my godson and his brothers and sisters and his parents. And then I heard that the first floor of my grandparent’s home was completely flooded on the first floor – so much that the water was up to his neck and so he was able to get to the second floor…once all the water was drained, pretty much everything is demolished and ruined on the first floor of the house…it’s really hard to picture this because, this home is like our family’s home. My grandparents slept on the first floor of the house because they couldn’t get up the stairs that well…their bed was there, the living room, kitchen, everything…and that’s even where we had my grandma’s wake a year and a half ago when she passed away…there are just a lot of memories there – not to mention, that is where my mom and my aunts and uncles all grew up. So much goodness in there, and very old, vintage photos hung on the walls.
I can not even imagine or fathom what it looks like over there in the Philippines, but the images I am picturing really make me just want to cry. I read an article and it said that 80% of metro manila was flooded and under water for quite some time…in 6 hours, the 16 inches of rain that normally falls throughout September, fell in that mere amount of time. Wow.
Then I think about the water and all the disease…the Philippines is not a clean place, and with water all up everywhere, and disease so rampant, wow, this is just so terrible. It is like hurricane katrina, but in a third world country. Natural disasters – this time, there is no one to blame. How easy it is to point fingers in other situations…but who knows, maybe the media or the public will start blaming the government on their maintenance or lack of, with the reservoir and pipe systems. Oh communication major, and study of the media coverage that has shaped my mind to think the way it does about anything it does – reads or sees or watches from afar. I blame and thank my major and my education and experience for my criticalness. It does come in handy though, very much so. It’s important to look at both sides of the coin!
My family is safe, even though my aunt had fall pretty badly in her home due to the flooding.
It is crazy to me that I was just in the Philippines about 5 months ago…the images are just so fresh in my mind. The children are always fresh in my mind, and I am just very heartbroken about it. Dear God, please heal the Philippines.
I feel like I am back in that place where I felt very alone in my desire to do all that I can do to serve my family, friends, brothers, and sisters in the Philippines. It is a helpless type of feeling, but I know it is not hopeless. I know God is still there, and I know he is still very much moving, but I think the difficult part is that I am physically not there, and I do not even know what the conditions are like – but I can truly only imagine. My only vision of flooding in the Philippines is when I went when I was 12 years old, and I remember paying 10 pesos to walk across a really really big, bad, flooded puddle, probably 2 feet high. 2 guys helped me walk across a 5 inch panel of wood. I remember it so vividly! We were just leaving the mall and I remember when I got in the car, I put my feet up on the seat because I was scared the water was going to seep through the car.
With these thoughts on my mind, my day was very much blah today. It was full of prayer, and full of contemplation and thought – all very much in the sense that I was sad I was just not there in manila. Granted maybe I really could not have done anything, or even stand the conditions, but there is still that longing in my heart to be there with the people of the Philippines. As a result, I was very much distracted for the majority of the day and I wanted nothing more than to continue receiving updates from my family.
And with those thoughts today continuing from my feelings from late last night upon hearing more word on the conditions, it was then that I realized, my heart is still very much alive, fresh and soft for the people of the Philippines. such a beautiful people, and I really need to grow in my faith and trust, that God is providing the strength and the endurance for the people who are assisting in relief and recovery efforts in manila. I am so small, and I am just one person, but if there is something that I have learned in just my past few months of being a cabrini missioner and reflecting on my journey to get here, I have learned that every prayer is truly heard, and answered…a yes…a not right now…or an, I have something better for you. And THAT is wisdom that I received from my good friend veronica. I can not limit God’s potential or put Him in a box, because my human understanding is nowhere close to God’s amazingness and vast LOVE for us – all of us.
And with that, I think I might just sleep a little better tonight.
I believe You’re my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my Portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
…Jesus, You’re all I need
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
god is hope, god is light...
It has been quite the while since the last update and wow, so much has happened…each day is very, so very busy, but not so much overwhelming. I think it’s the commute that is the killer every day. Excuse me, not killer, but the struggle if you will. It’s not the number of students that I have, or the number of classes I teach each day…I only have about 42 students total and then I only teach two sections per day, if that. the schedule is a little difficult to explain, so I will leave that up for your own curiosity to ponder. It’s the getting out of bed part that is the hardest part of the morning, but once I turn on my lights and jump out of bed (literally), then I am awake. Like, awake, ready to get goin on the day! Then of course it is the getting on the train back home, after a full day of school, when the tiredness catches up with me and I am once again exhausted, only to get in time for dinner and prayer. Come 7:30pm, the day is over, only to begin lesson planning once again, or catch up on phone calls, or emails, or anything else that requires attention that I otherwise put off until this time. Story of my life!
This past week has given me time. What I mean by that, is that I would recall countless moments this past week where I would be sitting in my chair, and realize, crystal, you are sitting in your chair, and you were just thinking, but you had silence – no music, no nothing…then when I realize that I just had that realization, I would be like, ok, wait, what was I thinking about? And sure enough, I don’t think I was necessarily thinking about anything…but, do you get it? I was giving myself some time to just be and sit in my chair and give myself a moment – GIVE MYSELF A MOMENT! I didn’t even have any idea, but I think my mind and body is smarter than I am, and it knows what it needs, so it took it! That pretty much never happens, cause well, if you know me, I am always on the go and looking for the next thing to do!
One of my weaknesses, or maybe strengths in need of improvement if you will, is that I am always too involved with things. It is something that I have had going on since junior high school, and people always tell me that I need to slow down, or I need to stop joining organization after organization, and it’s definitely a place of looking more inward towards, but the fact is, is that I don’t really think I will slow down with this stuff. I love everything that I do, and I do my best in everything that I am involved in…so yes, balance is always a situation for me. and I like balance – I think the problem is, is that, as a libra (my sign are scales!) is that while my life is balanced, cause I like that, the weights are heavy on both sides. Haha…soo as long as I don’t tip, I think I’m fine. I haven’t tipped in a while, and hopefully it remains that way for even a longer while. BUT I am happy that I was able to give myself some time this week and realize that I was doing so. I was so happy. Haha!
Another awesome realization that I had, was on Friday. Michelle and I were walking to mr. softee as we usually do once a week to reward ourselves for a job well done at the high school, and I was thinking, and proceeded to externally process (I was never such a big external processor, but since cabrini mission corps, apparently this has developed!), I said, “you know, I don’t really feel like I’m working. I’m just being, and I am just doing what I love doing.” I think one thing that I love about all the walking that I do, is that it gives me time to think – to contemplate – to meditate…sure I can say the same thing about driving around in california, but there’s something different about walking. I think I see things more up close, and I am able to have more freedom with my thoughts, and therefore, that thought came to mind, and it felt so good to verbalize that.
I realized that really, I am doing what I love. How is that really possible? Truly, I think it is possible because I really followed my heart and where I felt like God was calling me. It was through the art of listening – not only to myself when I would talk about my passions, but also to God, and that inner voice that calls me to the place of my passion and my rich joy. But honestly, I don’t even think I can begin to explain the greatness that is entailed in walking up and down the stairs, and the hallways of the high school, saying hi to the students, and sitting in campus ministry, just watching the girls interact with one another, and talk about boys, talk about their clubs that they are excited about joining, or even their classes that they are struggling in the most.
It is such a joy, and to know that this is my ministry right now, wow, I am just so overjoyed at that. Truly, God has molded me and prepared me for my ministry at the high school right now, and I know that every step I take here in new york continues to be for my future ministry wherever that leads me.
The homily today was talking about “it is in giving, that we receive.” I have already received so much. I can not even begin to explain how well I am being taken care of, how much I am being served each day. Sure I get frustrated teaching sometimes when my class is talking and I’m about to make a really good point about their lesson, but when I am up there teaching, it is such a gift to be able to help shape the mind, heart, and spirit of these girls in teaching health, and that is why I put all of my effort and heart in all that I do, each day. They may not realize it, because to be honest, I don’t think I appreciated my teachers all that much until I take a moment to think about all the time and help my teachers gave to prepare me for the “real world” as I began college. It really is amazing. What a gift!
So my sister is moving to Hawaii and we therefore have committed to hanging out together once a week. It’s such a great time because we never really did that before, and now we do so habitually. We go to mass, wherever the Spirit leads us, and then we go to brunch. It’s great! Today I got to see her little doggy, alecs, and that was fun. Even if his hair is kinda tangled and stuff!
It is a delight to say bye to the subway attendant after leaving the L train as michelle and I begin our trek back home from our long commute from high school. I think the best part about that, is that it signifies, thanks be to God, we survived the subway ride and now just need to walk a few blocks home, and then we are home sweet home. Today when I was on my way home back from my sister’s place, I got to the subway station, of course, just as the doors were closing and ready to leave, and I was like, dang it! BUT, the attendant definitely saw me, stopped the subway and opened its doors for me to enter. I yelled thank you, and it really made me happy. What a nice person! The subway attendants are not given much credit, but really, they do so much. Shoot, without them, no one could get anywhere! AND it is really interesting to listen to their announcements over the intercom. Seriously, when they say things like, get home safely, or have a pleasant evening, that’s so nice of them. I enjoy it at least!
I bought my ticket home for the holidays and looks like I will be going home in about 3 months in time for Christmas and New Years. It seems like such a long time, but I know time will go by fast, and really, I am not too home sick, but when I think about my doggies, my mom, and my family in orange county, then I get a little sad, so I try not to think about it. Oh well, I am doing real well, and thank God for that.
Choir is wonderful and it is great to be blessed with the ministry of music. I have been able to help some of the girls practice their solos, teaching them counting, and helping them aim higher with their voices to reach their higher notes. Even though I’m not amazing by any means in terms of singing, I think my ear is well cultivated to know right from wrong and act as a guidance to know where the voice should be, if it needs to be corrected. So praised God, the choir is great, I get such a big smile on my face when I hear the girls sing, My All in All…it is so precious, and so real – it really is truly beautiful.
And with that, I will begin another week at the high school. With much prayer, with much love and joy in my heart, with the confidence and faith knowing that God has called me there, and with the utmost zeal for my brothers and sisters that I will pass each day this week, I am hoping it will be a great one!
Thank you for the love. I need it, and I hope you receive mine too! Happy Day!
This past week has given me time. What I mean by that, is that I would recall countless moments this past week where I would be sitting in my chair, and realize, crystal, you are sitting in your chair, and you were just thinking, but you had silence – no music, no nothing…then when I realize that I just had that realization, I would be like, ok, wait, what was I thinking about? And sure enough, I don’t think I was necessarily thinking about anything…but, do you get it? I was giving myself some time to just be and sit in my chair and give myself a moment – GIVE MYSELF A MOMENT! I didn’t even have any idea, but I think my mind and body is smarter than I am, and it knows what it needs, so it took it! That pretty much never happens, cause well, if you know me, I am always on the go and looking for the next thing to do!
One of my weaknesses, or maybe strengths in need of improvement if you will, is that I am always too involved with things. It is something that I have had going on since junior high school, and people always tell me that I need to slow down, or I need to stop joining organization after organization, and it’s definitely a place of looking more inward towards, but the fact is, is that I don’t really think I will slow down with this stuff. I love everything that I do, and I do my best in everything that I am involved in…so yes, balance is always a situation for me. and I like balance – I think the problem is, is that, as a libra (my sign are scales!) is that while my life is balanced, cause I like that, the weights are heavy on both sides. Haha…soo as long as I don’t tip, I think I’m fine. I haven’t tipped in a while, and hopefully it remains that way for even a longer while. BUT I am happy that I was able to give myself some time this week and realize that I was doing so. I was so happy. Haha!
Another awesome realization that I had, was on Friday. Michelle and I were walking to mr. softee as we usually do once a week to reward ourselves for a job well done at the high school, and I was thinking, and proceeded to externally process (I was never such a big external processor, but since cabrini mission corps, apparently this has developed!), I said, “you know, I don’t really feel like I’m working. I’m just being, and I am just doing what I love doing.” I think one thing that I love about all the walking that I do, is that it gives me time to think – to contemplate – to meditate…sure I can say the same thing about driving around in california, but there’s something different about walking. I think I see things more up close, and I am able to have more freedom with my thoughts, and therefore, that thought came to mind, and it felt so good to verbalize that.
I realized that really, I am doing what I love. How is that really possible? Truly, I think it is possible because I really followed my heart and where I felt like God was calling me. It was through the art of listening – not only to myself when I would talk about my passions, but also to God, and that inner voice that calls me to the place of my passion and my rich joy. But honestly, I don’t even think I can begin to explain the greatness that is entailed in walking up and down the stairs, and the hallways of the high school, saying hi to the students, and sitting in campus ministry, just watching the girls interact with one another, and talk about boys, talk about their clubs that they are excited about joining, or even their classes that they are struggling in the most.
It is such a joy, and to know that this is my ministry right now, wow, I am just so overjoyed at that. Truly, God has molded me and prepared me for my ministry at the high school right now, and I know that every step I take here in new york continues to be for my future ministry wherever that leads me.
The homily today was talking about “it is in giving, that we receive.” I have already received so much. I can not even begin to explain how well I am being taken care of, how much I am being served each day. Sure I get frustrated teaching sometimes when my class is talking and I’m about to make a really good point about their lesson, but when I am up there teaching, it is such a gift to be able to help shape the mind, heart, and spirit of these girls in teaching health, and that is why I put all of my effort and heart in all that I do, each day. They may not realize it, because to be honest, I don’t think I appreciated my teachers all that much until I take a moment to think about all the time and help my teachers gave to prepare me for the “real world” as I began college. It really is amazing. What a gift!
So my sister is moving to Hawaii and we therefore have committed to hanging out together once a week. It’s such a great time because we never really did that before, and now we do so habitually. We go to mass, wherever the Spirit leads us, and then we go to brunch. It’s great! Today I got to see her little doggy, alecs, and that was fun. Even if his hair is kinda tangled and stuff!
It is a delight to say bye to the subway attendant after leaving the L train as michelle and I begin our trek back home from our long commute from high school. I think the best part about that, is that it signifies, thanks be to God, we survived the subway ride and now just need to walk a few blocks home, and then we are home sweet home. Today when I was on my way home back from my sister’s place, I got to the subway station, of course, just as the doors were closing and ready to leave, and I was like, dang it! BUT, the attendant definitely saw me, stopped the subway and opened its doors for me to enter. I yelled thank you, and it really made me happy. What a nice person! The subway attendants are not given much credit, but really, they do so much. Shoot, without them, no one could get anywhere! AND it is really interesting to listen to their announcements over the intercom. Seriously, when they say things like, get home safely, or have a pleasant evening, that’s so nice of them. I enjoy it at least!
I bought my ticket home for the holidays and looks like I will be going home in about 3 months in time for Christmas and New Years. It seems like such a long time, but I know time will go by fast, and really, I am not too home sick, but when I think about my doggies, my mom, and my family in orange county, then I get a little sad, so I try not to think about it. Oh well, I am doing real well, and thank God for that.
Choir is wonderful and it is great to be blessed with the ministry of music. I have been able to help some of the girls practice their solos, teaching them counting, and helping them aim higher with their voices to reach their higher notes. Even though I’m not amazing by any means in terms of singing, I think my ear is well cultivated to know right from wrong and act as a guidance to know where the voice should be, if it needs to be corrected. So praised God, the choir is great, I get such a big smile on my face when I hear the girls sing, My All in All…it is so precious, and so real – it really is truly beautiful.
And with that, I will begin another week at the high school. With much prayer, with much love and joy in my heart, with the confidence and faith knowing that God has called me there, and with the utmost zeal for my brothers and sisters that I will pass each day this week, I am hoping it will be a great one!
Thank you for the love. I need it, and I hope you receive mine too! Happy Day!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
where you at?
Friday. TGIF. HAPPY FRIDAY!!! I woke up this morning at 5:15am in preparation to leave the house ontime to get to school by 7:45am. After all, today was our first choir day!! Yeah, that’s right. michelle and I are moderators for our individual sections in choir. I’m with the altos and it was today that I realized I’m reliving high school…totally. High school and cantor ensemble at USD when I was student director. I got to sit in a room with the other altos and hear them try their best at mimicking the alto line they heard being sung on the tape. None of them can read music, but they have an ear, and a voice, and so along the way, I tried to teach them beats, and how long to hold certain notes for. It was great and wow, it was a wonderful way to start my day off! Happy Friday was RIGHT!
This morning I prepped for my two classes today. We were doing the “emotional cup” activity, but rather, I gave it my own cool title…”How Full Are You?” And once it was time for the questions, I gave it my own title…”WY-A” – Where You At? This was when we talked about the celebrations – the good things that have happened…then the struggles – some of the hardships…then apologies…then compliments…yeah, that’s right. I teach health! Since it was the first week of school, I knew that my students had a bunch of stuff on their plate, so I thought this would be a great way to get a gauge for where they were all at. It was wonderful!
And then afterwards, I gave each of the girls a part of a poem. We were all seated in a circle in the campus ministry side room, so it was a perfect place to gather. I knew that I wanted to end that activity with a prayer or a poem of some sort and I had no idea where to find a good one…then I looked over at a poem that I broke down on a posterboard on my wall in the campus ministry office and realized, oh my gosh! This is PERFECT! (I’ll try to post it later!) but anyway…it ended with… “I have created you in my image and likeness, and woman, you, are, GOOD.” This poem was on display on some other poster, but the original poster was kinda super cheesy, so I made it a little more edgy on my visual portrayal. Haha!
As talkative as my classes both were, the craziest must unreal phenomenon happened…after that last sentence, there was an overwhelming “awwww” and then they clapped!!! And then I told them that they were beautiful and special and hopefully sent them off with goodness in their hearts as they prepared for the weekend! It was so good, and so great…inexplainable, it was very powerful!
It’s funny, cause with my first class, I had those four sections to go over, but we were running out of time. My class of course was stuck on talking about some of their own difficulties, and I was like, ah we need to move on! But no…I learned to never sacrifice hearing my students talk about their feelings and their emotions, just to get through the activity. What they were saying was important, and what was great is that every person in that class was experiencing the transition of now being a sophomore from being a freshman. It’s a rough time, and I was hopefully able to bring it up to them that 1, there is solidarity there and this brings everyone together among the sophomore class, and 2, as sophomores, it is a great blessing to take the freshmen underneath their wings, guide them, and show them the ropes – there’s goodness in this transition too. Such a blessing I have in teaching health that I can bust out an activity to check in with the health of my students – see how things are going with them socially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally…so good.
So, as for my name on campus, I am known as ms. Cadillac, ms. C, ms. Caddy, ms. CC, there are a bunch – or sometimes I get, ah! Are you the health teacher? Or, ah! YOU’RE the health teacher! …I have lots of fun with the girls, and when I had lunch duty today, some of the girls tried to teach me salsa and meringue…haha that’s what you get when your students are primarily Dominican. It’s wonderful, it really is! I got to talk one on one with one of my students today…I noticed there was a sadness in her character and demeanor and so I asked her to meet up with me during one of her free times in campus ministry. It was my first one on one time with a student, and it gave me an opportunity to pray for her, and realize how hard it is to be in high school – with the pressures of family, and school, and personal life…it really is difficult going through it…and especially when you are not in the best environment, that makes it only a bit more challenging.
Something that I find so beautiful about the girls at the high school, is how nice they are to me. for instance, when I was in high school, if I ever saw a teacher, I would run the opposite direction or try my hardest at not making eye contact. With these girls, every time I see a student in the hall, or a group of them, whether I knew them by name or not (I’m struggling in this part of being a teacher!), they always say, “hi miss!” when michelle and I were walking down to the train station after stopping by the mr. softee truck for my rainbow sprinkle dipped cone and her chocolate éclair, the students all said bye to us as well…it was just another reality check…that even though they talk in class, and pick and choose exactly what they want to respond to, they have hearts of gold and are open, that is, as long as you talk with them and do so in a loving way.
One of the students was singing the “happy birthday” song by stevie wonder. I immediately turned around and was like, oh my gosh! Who is singing that? it was then that she was like, oh my gosh miss, you’re my best friend! You are my new favorite person!! I was just like, girl, what are the other verses? She didn’t know, but said she would find out. She was like, dang, I thought you was black. Hahaha I was like, huhhhhhhh! Hahaha not even! But then I saw her in campus ministry cause she was visiting and she said the funniest thing…she said…”ms. catalan, on the real though, you’s a black filipino.” Hahaha…I’m in!!!
Just, such a good day. Yes, I have a lot of papers to grade, and things to read, and life to catch up on, but I’m also bathing in the goodness of that which this week brought to my life. On the subway this morning, this construction worker almost collided with another guy on the train, but both were so tired, they just brushed it off. I smiled because I thought it was cute that the construction man was like, ah, sorry! And I don’t know, but I just smiled cause I thought it was great that he said sorry and the other guy was just like, oh it’s fine! Not that typical…The construction man sat down, and I just looked at him. He was in a matching hat and shirt for valley crest companies. It immediately made me think of one of my prospects at news america.
Then I saw he had a tattered piece on his left pant leg, and he was just tired…he was reading his Spanish newspaper and eventually fell asleep for many stops. As he got up from his seat to exit the train, he gave me a smile, and I gave him a smile back, and he said bye, and I said bye too. It was great to have that early morning exchange and to acknowledge another person so early in the morning. Very unexpected. I then saw a mother playing paddy cake with her daughter on the train. There was so much joy. The little girl had cute little flowers in her hair…which means, someone took time to put those gadgets in her hair…she was already being pampered at her probable estimated age of 5. it was super cute!
And that, that was my adventure for Friday on the way to the heights.
You could see him with your heart if you stop looking with your eyes - how could you say no? by steve angrisano
This morning I prepped for my two classes today. We were doing the “emotional cup” activity, but rather, I gave it my own cool title…”How Full Are You?” And once it was time for the questions, I gave it my own title…”WY-A” – Where You At? This was when we talked about the celebrations – the good things that have happened…then the struggles – some of the hardships…then apologies…then compliments…yeah, that’s right. I teach health! Since it was the first week of school, I knew that my students had a bunch of stuff on their plate, so I thought this would be a great way to get a gauge for where they were all at. It was wonderful!
And then afterwards, I gave each of the girls a part of a poem. We were all seated in a circle in the campus ministry side room, so it was a perfect place to gather. I knew that I wanted to end that activity with a prayer or a poem of some sort and I had no idea where to find a good one…then I looked over at a poem that I broke down on a posterboard on my wall in the campus ministry office and realized, oh my gosh! This is PERFECT! (I’ll try to post it later!) but anyway…it ended with… “I have created you in my image and likeness, and woman, you, are, GOOD.” This poem was on display on some other poster, but the original poster was kinda super cheesy, so I made it a little more edgy on my visual portrayal. Haha!
As talkative as my classes both were, the craziest must unreal phenomenon happened…after that last sentence, there was an overwhelming “awwww” and then they clapped!!! And then I told them that they were beautiful and special and hopefully sent them off with goodness in their hearts as they prepared for the weekend! It was so good, and so great…inexplainable, it was very powerful!
It’s funny, cause with my first class, I had those four sections to go over, but we were running out of time. My class of course was stuck on talking about some of their own difficulties, and I was like, ah we need to move on! But no…I learned to never sacrifice hearing my students talk about their feelings and their emotions, just to get through the activity. What they were saying was important, and what was great is that every person in that class was experiencing the transition of now being a sophomore from being a freshman. It’s a rough time, and I was hopefully able to bring it up to them that 1, there is solidarity there and this brings everyone together among the sophomore class, and 2, as sophomores, it is a great blessing to take the freshmen underneath their wings, guide them, and show them the ropes – there’s goodness in this transition too. Such a blessing I have in teaching health that I can bust out an activity to check in with the health of my students – see how things are going with them socially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally…so good.
So, as for my name on campus, I am known as ms. Cadillac, ms. C, ms. Caddy, ms. CC, there are a bunch – or sometimes I get, ah! Are you the health teacher? Or, ah! YOU’RE the health teacher! …I have lots of fun with the girls, and when I had lunch duty today, some of the girls tried to teach me salsa and meringue…haha that’s what you get when your students are primarily Dominican. It’s wonderful, it really is! I got to talk one on one with one of my students today…I noticed there was a sadness in her character and demeanor and so I asked her to meet up with me during one of her free times in campus ministry. It was my first one on one time with a student, and it gave me an opportunity to pray for her, and realize how hard it is to be in high school – with the pressures of family, and school, and personal life…it really is difficult going through it…and especially when you are not in the best environment, that makes it only a bit more challenging.
Something that I find so beautiful about the girls at the high school, is how nice they are to me. for instance, when I was in high school, if I ever saw a teacher, I would run the opposite direction or try my hardest at not making eye contact. With these girls, every time I see a student in the hall, or a group of them, whether I knew them by name or not (I’m struggling in this part of being a teacher!), they always say, “hi miss!” when michelle and I were walking down to the train station after stopping by the mr. softee truck for my rainbow sprinkle dipped cone and her chocolate éclair, the students all said bye to us as well…it was just another reality check…that even though they talk in class, and pick and choose exactly what they want to respond to, they have hearts of gold and are open, that is, as long as you talk with them and do so in a loving way.
One of the students was singing the “happy birthday” song by stevie wonder. I immediately turned around and was like, oh my gosh! Who is singing that? it was then that she was like, oh my gosh miss, you’re my best friend! You are my new favorite person!! I was just like, girl, what are the other verses? She didn’t know, but said she would find out. She was like, dang, I thought you was black. Hahaha I was like, huhhhhhhh! Hahaha not even! But then I saw her in campus ministry cause she was visiting and she said the funniest thing…she said…”ms. catalan, on the real though, you’s a black filipino.” Hahaha…I’m in!!!
Just, such a good day. Yes, I have a lot of papers to grade, and things to read, and life to catch up on, but I’m also bathing in the goodness of that which this week brought to my life. On the subway this morning, this construction worker almost collided with another guy on the train, but both were so tired, they just brushed it off. I smiled because I thought it was cute that the construction man was like, ah, sorry! And I don’t know, but I just smiled cause I thought it was great that he said sorry and the other guy was just like, oh it’s fine! Not that typical…The construction man sat down, and I just looked at him. He was in a matching hat and shirt for valley crest companies. It immediately made me think of one of my prospects at news america.
Then I saw he had a tattered piece on his left pant leg, and he was just tired…he was reading his Spanish newspaper and eventually fell asleep for many stops. As he got up from his seat to exit the train, he gave me a smile, and I gave him a smile back, and he said bye, and I said bye too. It was great to have that early morning exchange and to acknowledge another person so early in the morning. Very unexpected. I then saw a mother playing paddy cake with her daughter on the train. There was so much joy. The little girl had cute little flowers in her hair…which means, someone took time to put those gadgets in her hair…she was already being pampered at her probable estimated age of 5. it was super cute!
And that, that was my adventure for Friday on the way to the heights.
You could see him with your heart if you stop looking with your eyes - how could you say no? by steve angrisano
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
this little light of mine...i'm gonna let it shine
did I know I would be on the go today for about 16 hours today? No, not really, but it was all good things…just a lot. Today was our official first day of classes, but with the way my schedule works, I don’t see my classes until tomorrow – yup, in about 11 hours! Ahh! Woohoo, excitement, and nervousness, but not much. That’s what it is!
On the subway this morning, I did something new…not listen to my ipod, until I got to the late 100 streets on the subway…instead, I watched a little girl cry and struggle with her sadness as her mom yelled at her for not sitting up straight on the subway seat…she therefore was forced to stand up and hold onto the railing…and I got to hear the mom cuss at her daughter…and then when she was done, she gently fixed her daughter’s dress, pulled down her daughter’s jacket a little bit more, put on her ipod, and started singing along to her rap song again. The whole time, I was praying that the little girl would have some strength in her to listen to her mom, but also know that God loves her and that things will get better. And then I thought to myself, I am not the only person on the train that just witnessed that. did anyone else hear? Or was everyone trying their hardest to not stare at what they were listening to? What were they thinking? That was a moment where I wished I knew what everyone was thinking. That’s for sure.
And then I started thinking about the huge contrast in the way that I grew up in suburban orange county vs. the way I see the kids growing up here in the inner cities of Washington Heights – many ways in which I can not even fathom or begin to understand…but I try.
It’s so interesting to me, but I just really hope that with the young ones being treated poorly, does not result in a cycle of mistreatment, but part of me realistically sees it as a perpetual problem…the parents are tired – they work really hard, they don’t know any better…what would you do as a single parent? Male or female? Especially in this economy right now…there are so many social factors affecting you, pulling you left and pulling you right, and on top of that, you have yourself to take care of, but also your children…just everyday, trying to make the ends meet…so it just takes a small little thing to set you off. Even if it’s your innocent daughter dressed super cute in her school uniform.
Sitting in the campus ministry office, and seeing a good majority of the students come in and out of the office, I have only begun to see a glimpse of what the students are like at the high school. Haha, they crack me up….the way they talk, the content of their conversations, these kids are for real. Like, legit. They don’t hide. I have become so natural to call each student, girl, and it’s completely fine, though I really do need to learn their names and find the importance in doing so. It’s just so complicated! Being in the high school scene no doubt brings me back to my high school life, and the contrast only begins to be more and more prominent…not bad or better, just very different.
After school, michelle and I rewarded ourselves with mr. softee, so I got the usual…rainbow sprinkle cone. All worth the 5000 calories it is…sometimes, you just gotta do it. Then we got home, ate dinner, and then went off to a mass for immigration reform. Yup, that’s right…”faithful action for immigration reform” – it was a service held at a catholic church, put on by a number of organizations and the Cabrini Immigrant Services organization – part of the ministry of the Cabrini Sisters (MSC) – as you know Mother Cabrini is the patroness of immigrants…and this service was one of the most powerful things that I have really been to in new york.
You have no idea how moving it was to see a rabbi, a nun, a member of the sikh coalition, a man who has been affected by racism and hate as an immigrant, and Buddhist monks come together, to pray for immigration reform and a reform for social justice in this social problem. Regardless of stance on the issue of immigration, God is real and God gifts each person with His grace, whatever that looks like – whether the person has legal documents or is without…and that’s what everyone gathered to pray for…for social justice, and an understanding of humanity. It was especially great to see some good shepherd volunteers in attendance!
While I have never been very active with immigration, coming from immigrant parents, and having the ties that I have to the Philippines, and to my Filipino roots, it is an issue that I indeed hold close to my heart. We also met up with the director of another Cabrini ministry with nursing and rehabilitation and we got to talking about putting on liturgies for the sisters who will be moving to their new convent in new york. It was tonight that I really realized how big of a ministry I am a part of, and how big of a family I have inherited through my commitment to the cabrini mission corps. It’s so exciting, and for that, I am so grateful!
I have about 6 grandmas through the missionary sisters (cabrini sisters that I live with), I have a whole convent filled with other sisters who know me by name in philly and who will be moving to new york, I have more support by sister grace and sister mary lou, I have the support of the sister in Burbank, I belong to the family of all of the Cabrini ministries and missions (domestic and international), and I have met so many amazing volunteers through all of this. There are so many things that I would really like to be involved in, but again, gotta channel my ministry involvement so that I can be as present as possible and as wholeheartedly dedicated to the ones that I am really drawn to. Oh, the problems in life!
….and on that note, here’s a part of a prayer that is attributed to archbishop oscar romero…
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and do it very well. it may be incomplete, but it s a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
…get out there, and GO. Until next time!
On the subway this morning, I did something new…not listen to my ipod, until I got to the late 100 streets on the subway…instead, I watched a little girl cry and struggle with her sadness as her mom yelled at her for not sitting up straight on the subway seat…she therefore was forced to stand up and hold onto the railing…and I got to hear the mom cuss at her daughter…and then when she was done, she gently fixed her daughter’s dress, pulled down her daughter’s jacket a little bit more, put on her ipod, and started singing along to her rap song again. The whole time, I was praying that the little girl would have some strength in her to listen to her mom, but also know that God loves her and that things will get better. And then I thought to myself, I am not the only person on the train that just witnessed that. did anyone else hear? Or was everyone trying their hardest to not stare at what they were listening to? What were they thinking? That was a moment where I wished I knew what everyone was thinking. That’s for sure.
And then I started thinking about the huge contrast in the way that I grew up in suburban orange county vs. the way I see the kids growing up here in the inner cities of Washington Heights – many ways in which I can not even fathom or begin to understand…but I try.
It’s so interesting to me, but I just really hope that with the young ones being treated poorly, does not result in a cycle of mistreatment, but part of me realistically sees it as a perpetual problem…the parents are tired – they work really hard, they don’t know any better…what would you do as a single parent? Male or female? Especially in this economy right now…there are so many social factors affecting you, pulling you left and pulling you right, and on top of that, you have yourself to take care of, but also your children…just everyday, trying to make the ends meet…so it just takes a small little thing to set you off. Even if it’s your innocent daughter dressed super cute in her school uniform.
Sitting in the campus ministry office, and seeing a good majority of the students come in and out of the office, I have only begun to see a glimpse of what the students are like at the high school. Haha, they crack me up….the way they talk, the content of their conversations, these kids are for real. Like, legit. They don’t hide. I have become so natural to call each student, girl, and it’s completely fine, though I really do need to learn their names and find the importance in doing so. It’s just so complicated! Being in the high school scene no doubt brings me back to my high school life, and the contrast only begins to be more and more prominent…not bad or better, just very different.
After school, michelle and I rewarded ourselves with mr. softee, so I got the usual…rainbow sprinkle cone. All worth the 5000 calories it is…sometimes, you just gotta do it. Then we got home, ate dinner, and then went off to a mass for immigration reform. Yup, that’s right…”faithful action for immigration reform” – it was a service held at a catholic church, put on by a number of organizations and the Cabrini Immigrant Services organization – part of the ministry of the Cabrini Sisters (MSC) – as you know Mother Cabrini is the patroness of immigrants…and this service was one of the most powerful things that I have really been to in new york.
You have no idea how moving it was to see a rabbi, a nun, a member of the sikh coalition, a man who has been affected by racism and hate as an immigrant, and Buddhist monks come together, to pray for immigration reform and a reform for social justice in this social problem. Regardless of stance on the issue of immigration, God is real and God gifts each person with His grace, whatever that looks like – whether the person has legal documents or is without…and that’s what everyone gathered to pray for…for social justice, and an understanding of humanity. It was especially great to see some good shepherd volunteers in attendance!
While I have never been very active with immigration, coming from immigrant parents, and having the ties that I have to the Philippines, and to my Filipino roots, it is an issue that I indeed hold close to my heart. We also met up with the director of another Cabrini ministry with nursing and rehabilitation and we got to talking about putting on liturgies for the sisters who will be moving to their new convent in new york. It was tonight that I really realized how big of a ministry I am a part of, and how big of a family I have inherited through my commitment to the cabrini mission corps. It’s so exciting, and for that, I am so grateful!
I have about 6 grandmas through the missionary sisters (cabrini sisters that I live with), I have a whole convent filled with other sisters who know me by name in philly and who will be moving to new york, I have more support by sister grace and sister mary lou, I have the support of the sister in Burbank, I belong to the family of all of the Cabrini ministries and missions (domestic and international), and I have met so many amazing volunteers through all of this. There are so many things that I would really like to be involved in, but again, gotta channel my ministry involvement so that I can be as present as possible and as wholeheartedly dedicated to the ones that I am really drawn to. Oh, the problems in life!
….and on that note, here’s a part of a prayer that is attributed to archbishop oscar romero…
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and do it very well. it may be incomplete, but it s a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
…get out there, and GO. Until next time!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
desire, discern, decide...
i feel like i always begin or at least mention in the beginning how i don't even know where to begin, or how i apologize for not updating more often...but really, that's the case. things have started to pick up and to be honest, i have spent a lot of my time in internal contemplation and reflection, which is a very good thing.
i have about an hour to reflect every morning around 6:45amish, as i get on the subway, only to commute an hour to the high school. to help calm my nerves and start the day off in a prayerful way, i have been listening to the chaplet of the divine mercy in song - it's a beautiful prayer, and when it's put to song, it is even better. michelle and i would split my headphones, just so that we can help ease the travel a little bit...the best is when we would be singing the prayer aloud, and people on the subway would just stare. but, welp! that's what it is...
it is unfortunate when we get on the subway and we end up standing for half the time, but you know, it's ok. we all have our days. there was this one moment that sticks out in my mind (i think thursday)...there was this man who looked quite unkempt, and unfortunately i rode him off because he reeked of alcohol, and sorry, i do not want to be around that. it's just plain sketchy...and then i finally got a seat, and he got a seat and sat right across from me. it wasn't until i looked at him directly in the face and noticed his cap...I <3 Jesus. that's what it said. of course, it had a straight up heart, but just that portrait of that man...i don't know, it really spoke to me. i hope he really does love Jesus...so i prayed for him the whole subway to the high school. not that he loves Jesus, but that he respects himself and has a good day. riding on subways is such valuable time for me. it is a moment for me to see the body of Christ - as imperfect, and beautiful, and busy, and wound up everyone is, it is beauty to me, and i absolutely love it. my days are not complete without riding the subway...
i started singing at my church this morning - i had my first choir rehearsal!! woohooo!!! it was awesome! and then my sister ended up coming to mass! so that was a great surprise, and we got lunch..and then i met up with mary, because we are going to do a 19th Annotation of Ignatian Spirtuality...so basically, we meet with a spiritual director (that we are paired up with) every week, and we go through spiritual direction, more specifically, rooted in ignatian spirituality. what's great about it, is the commitment - which may also be a challenge, but a good one...basically every day i have to commit to about 45-1 hour of praying on a specific scripture or a specific intention, whatever my spiritual director and i decide...and then we meet up about once a week to discuss how it is going for me...so it's going to be great...this is obviously a huge focus for me - growing in my spiritual life, so since i am out here in new york, this is going to be a great tool and a great journey for me to embark on...it will be challenging, i am aware of that, but i must do it, as it will indeed be a priority. :) this will be from mid-october to june. gotta love it :)
there are now 6 sisters in the house with me, and then michelle and mary and i, so there are 9 of us here. ah i wish i could articulate the least bit to you how great it is to live with these sisters. each of them bring something so joyous and so unique to the community, that they really serve as a breath of fresh air, especially on days like today where i was running around from place to place. after the workshops on ignatian spirituality, i actually ended up hitting up another parish on the upper west side to see the ministry over there...it was good music, and it was kinda a lively congregation, but what was unfortunate, was the lighting...if lighting is bad, i fall asleep, and therefore, not good for crystal. and it was hot. but it was a nice parish overall.
lately i have been thinking of st. monica's A LOT. that's actually what i spent a big chunk of today thinking about...how i really truly miss the young adult ministry there, and how i miss that i'm missing out on all the goodness that is going on on California Ave. and how i miss all the hugs from all of my "older than me" mentors. ah i miss them and love them so much...but for some reason, God took me out, and placed me here...and i am helping to build my community here. it's good, i just miss st. monica's a lot. :( wow. for real. ah how blessed i am that i was able to experience something like that...where God takes me this year, who knows, but it has already been quite the journey!
as a campus minister at the high school, i have had a small little glimpse of the students there, and i am beginning to see how different my high school experience and life is from these girls. it's great in that i get to play an active role in ministering and serving as a role model and listener to anything they need...i recently saw my sales skills really come out as i was giving brief overviews of the campus ministry center to the new students...i caught myself talking with my hands, and using hand motions, and right after, i was like, was i just selling a coupon machine...but nope - i was selling ministry and reasons why they should get involved. haha! so good. :) something i am passionate about, and something i am excited to see the outcomes with!
i had mr. softee the other day - a cone dipped in sprinkles. and i thought of GP. ahh i miss that girl. and angela...i miss her too...poop.
my mom sent me some winter clothes, so i'm happy to have my uggs and my boots again. and my coats and my banana republic wear...AND she sent me my yoga mat and towel and bag!!! woohoo!!!! love love love it!! so good!!! living simply. don't worry about it...:)
i guess in a nutshell...life as a missioner is new and different every day. you talk to people, especially those of the xy kind and throw out the fact that you are a missionary - and boom. you are able to throw them out of the "potential to hang out with" running, just like THAT.
i have no idea who i am going to meet each day, i have no idea who i will see on the subway, and no, i am not living the typical new york life where i can go in and out as i please until all hours of the night/early morning...but i am ok with that. i have been missioned here, and i am going to do the best i can, and see where God leads me, as i am, because that is all i am.
Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. —Carol Burnett
i have about an hour to reflect every morning around 6:45amish, as i get on the subway, only to commute an hour to the high school. to help calm my nerves and start the day off in a prayerful way, i have been listening to the chaplet of the divine mercy in song - it's a beautiful prayer, and when it's put to song, it is even better. michelle and i would split my headphones, just so that we can help ease the travel a little bit...the best is when we would be singing the prayer aloud, and people on the subway would just stare. but, welp! that's what it is...
it is unfortunate when we get on the subway and we end up standing for half the time, but you know, it's ok. we all have our days. there was this one moment that sticks out in my mind (i think thursday)...there was this man who looked quite unkempt, and unfortunately i rode him off because he reeked of alcohol, and sorry, i do not want to be around that. it's just plain sketchy...and then i finally got a seat, and he got a seat and sat right across from me. it wasn't until i looked at him directly in the face and noticed his cap...I <3 Jesus. that's what it said. of course, it had a straight up heart, but just that portrait of that man...i don't know, it really spoke to me. i hope he really does love Jesus...so i prayed for him the whole subway to the high school. not that he loves Jesus, but that he respects himself and has a good day. riding on subways is such valuable time for me. it is a moment for me to see the body of Christ - as imperfect, and beautiful, and busy, and wound up everyone is, it is beauty to me, and i absolutely love it. my days are not complete without riding the subway...
i started singing at my church this morning - i had my first choir rehearsal!! woohooo!!! it was awesome! and then my sister ended up coming to mass! so that was a great surprise, and we got lunch..and then i met up with mary, because we are going to do a 19th Annotation of Ignatian Spirtuality...so basically, we meet with a spiritual director (that we are paired up with) every week, and we go through spiritual direction, more specifically, rooted in ignatian spirituality. what's great about it, is the commitment - which may also be a challenge, but a good one...basically every day i have to commit to about 45-1 hour of praying on a specific scripture or a specific intention, whatever my spiritual director and i decide...and then we meet up about once a week to discuss how it is going for me...so it's going to be great...this is obviously a huge focus for me - growing in my spiritual life, so since i am out here in new york, this is going to be a great tool and a great journey for me to embark on...it will be challenging, i am aware of that, but i must do it, as it will indeed be a priority. :) this will be from mid-october to june. gotta love it :)
there are now 6 sisters in the house with me, and then michelle and mary and i, so there are 9 of us here. ah i wish i could articulate the least bit to you how great it is to live with these sisters. each of them bring something so joyous and so unique to the community, that they really serve as a breath of fresh air, especially on days like today where i was running around from place to place. after the workshops on ignatian spirituality, i actually ended up hitting up another parish on the upper west side to see the ministry over there...it was good music, and it was kinda a lively congregation, but what was unfortunate, was the lighting...if lighting is bad, i fall asleep, and therefore, not good for crystal. and it was hot. but it was a nice parish overall.
lately i have been thinking of st. monica's A LOT. that's actually what i spent a big chunk of today thinking about...how i really truly miss the young adult ministry there, and how i miss that i'm missing out on all the goodness that is going on on California Ave. and how i miss all the hugs from all of my "older than me" mentors. ah i miss them and love them so much...but for some reason, God took me out, and placed me here...and i am helping to build my community here. it's good, i just miss st. monica's a lot. :( wow. for real. ah how blessed i am that i was able to experience something like that...where God takes me this year, who knows, but it has already been quite the journey!
as a campus minister at the high school, i have had a small little glimpse of the students there, and i am beginning to see how different my high school experience and life is from these girls. it's great in that i get to play an active role in ministering and serving as a role model and listener to anything they need...i recently saw my sales skills really come out as i was giving brief overviews of the campus ministry center to the new students...i caught myself talking with my hands, and using hand motions, and right after, i was like, was i just selling a coupon machine...but nope - i was selling ministry and reasons why they should get involved. haha! so good. :) something i am passionate about, and something i am excited to see the outcomes with!
i had mr. softee the other day - a cone dipped in sprinkles. and i thought of GP. ahh i miss that girl. and angela...i miss her too...poop.
my mom sent me some winter clothes, so i'm happy to have my uggs and my boots again. and my coats and my banana republic wear...AND she sent me my yoga mat and towel and bag!!! woohoo!!!! love love love it!! so good!!! living simply. don't worry about it...:)
i guess in a nutshell...life as a missioner is new and different every day. you talk to people, especially those of the xy kind and throw out the fact that you are a missionary - and boom. you are able to throw them out of the "potential to hang out with" running, just like THAT.
i have no idea who i am going to meet each day, i have no idea who i will see on the subway, and no, i am not living the typical new york life where i can go in and out as i please until all hours of the night/early morning...but i am ok with that. i have been missioned here, and i am going to do the best i can, and see where God leads me, as i am, because that is all i am.
Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. —Carol Burnett
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
life is like a box of chocolates...
transition, transition, transition. i'm adjusting. i thought i was gonna vomit the other day and tried my hardest to not jump out the window. i didn't, i'm in one piece...i thought my mind was gonna explode. then i prayed. hard. a lot, and it worked. then i slept really well. and i prayed, hard. and prayed some more, and my day was great. absolutely wonderful!
i feel so blessed...if only i were more patient...but i guess that's what happens with a type A personality like myself. i guess that's what happens when you get trained in such a linear, clear-cut way, in such a corporate setting, that once you get thrown into a complete counter-cultural way of life, things aren't as cut and dry, moments aren't so clear, and you end up wrestling with situations a little bit more than expected, hoped, or anticipated for. i think it's a great thing that i'm resilient, but moreso, point is, prayer works, and prayer is so good. openness. oh, so good.
SO GOOD. i'm smiling. :)
i feel so blessed...if only i were more patient...but i guess that's what happens with a type A personality like myself. i guess that's what happens when you get trained in such a linear, clear-cut way, in such a corporate setting, that once you get thrown into a complete counter-cultural way of life, things aren't as cut and dry, moments aren't so clear, and you end up wrestling with situations a little bit more than expected, hoped, or anticipated for. i think it's a great thing that i'm resilient, but moreso, point is, prayer works, and prayer is so good. openness. oh, so good.
SO GOOD. i'm smiling. :)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
life is like a box of chocolates
you know how forrest gump says that you can tell a lot about a person’s shoes? well, let me tell you. you can tell a lot by someone’s feet. Let’s talk about my feet for a couple minutes here. I have blisters, and unhealthy skin on my feet. Yeah, sounds gross, but let me elaborate. Clearly I have no problem discussing this, because my points and observations are way more important than the conditions of my feet. looking at the bright side of things, i have been able to find some good meaning behind this all. :)
so I have blisters on the back of my feet, from wearing flats. Yeah, I am used to wearing heels, and the heels I am used to wearing have not harmed my feet once. The moment I even try to invest in a pair of flats, of course, this is what happens. And these are wedges! And then we have blisters from a new pair of rainbows that I decided to purchase for myself. Since I had to dispose of my last rainbows, I had to invest in another pair, and as a result, blisters from the straps have developed…typical – it’s happened to me before…part of wearing those bad boys in. and then we have my other sandal flats which have ruined/harmed the bottoms of my feet for forever it seems. Haha, yeah that’s not a good thing. Clearly I have been doing a lot of dancing, a lot of walking, and a whole lot of walking. This has resulted in the conditions of my feet…let’s just say it’s painful to walk. But I’m doing really well hiding the pain. That doesn’t stop me from talking about it!
I suppose in a sense that my pilgrimage in new york has already begun where my phases of exploration have reflected themselves and made themselves known in the conditions in my feet. It is transition – the internal changes, it is the changes going on – the external changes in environment…there’s a lot going on. I am in the city where there is a lot to look at…a lot of sensory stuff and a lot of things to look at, and many distractions – a lot of hustle bustle, and amidst it all, there are people living, or surviving every day. Trying their very best. You see it on the subway, you see it when everyone is walking by with emotion or no emotion on their face…you see it, because you ask yourself, or I ask myself, what am I doing here? Who am I amidst this all?
Each day is a new adventure and my heart takes in and leaves out the wanted and unwanted givings of each moment and minute. I have already had multiple experiences where I tell strangers that approach me, I am a missioner that lives in a convent, and it creates the biggest shock, especially to those who do not share the same mindset, or have the background capacity to understand. Every time I say those words, I see it as a moment of testament and a moment to hear myself say what I am doing, and it already serves as a reminder as to why I am actually here. There is plenty of fruit waiting for me and being patient with me, and I truly believe that with God’s timing, all that is necessary to be revealed, will indeed make itself known, as it needs to. i just have to be patient with myself simultaneously.
Every moment on the subway, every moment walking avenue by avenue gives me the opportunity to reflect and think about this stuff, and reflect on myself, presently. There was a quote that I came across and it was basically like, to be fully alive, just be. And that my friend, is what I am choosing to do. No expectations, no judgments, try my best to be who I am, and just be. Allow it all to happen as it should. Just be. Damaged, tired, dirty feet and all, just be and I am as I am.
By having the courage to be herself, she put something wonderful in the world that was not there before. —Unknown
so I have blisters on the back of my feet, from wearing flats. Yeah, I am used to wearing heels, and the heels I am used to wearing have not harmed my feet once. The moment I even try to invest in a pair of flats, of course, this is what happens. And these are wedges! And then we have blisters from a new pair of rainbows that I decided to purchase for myself. Since I had to dispose of my last rainbows, I had to invest in another pair, and as a result, blisters from the straps have developed…typical – it’s happened to me before…part of wearing those bad boys in. and then we have my other sandal flats which have ruined/harmed the bottoms of my feet for forever it seems. Haha, yeah that’s not a good thing. Clearly I have been doing a lot of dancing, a lot of walking, and a whole lot of walking. This has resulted in the conditions of my feet…let’s just say it’s painful to walk. But I’m doing really well hiding the pain. That doesn’t stop me from talking about it!
I suppose in a sense that my pilgrimage in new york has already begun where my phases of exploration have reflected themselves and made themselves known in the conditions in my feet. It is transition – the internal changes, it is the changes going on – the external changes in environment…there’s a lot going on. I am in the city where there is a lot to look at…a lot of sensory stuff and a lot of things to look at, and many distractions – a lot of hustle bustle, and amidst it all, there are people living, or surviving every day. Trying their very best. You see it on the subway, you see it when everyone is walking by with emotion or no emotion on their face…you see it, because you ask yourself, or I ask myself, what am I doing here? Who am I amidst this all?
Each day is a new adventure and my heart takes in and leaves out the wanted and unwanted givings of each moment and minute. I have already had multiple experiences where I tell strangers that approach me, I am a missioner that lives in a convent, and it creates the biggest shock, especially to those who do not share the same mindset, or have the background capacity to understand. Every time I say those words, I see it as a moment of testament and a moment to hear myself say what I am doing, and it already serves as a reminder as to why I am actually here. There is plenty of fruit waiting for me and being patient with me, and I truly believe that with God’s timing, all that is necessary to be revealed, will indeed make itself known, as it needs to. i just have to be patient with myself simultaneously.
Every moment on the subway, every moment walking avenue by avenue gives me the opportunity to reflect and think about this stuff, and reflect on myself, presently. There was a quote that I came across and it was basically like, to be fully alive, just be. And that my friend, is what I am choosing to do. No expectations, no judgments, try my best to be who I am, and just be. Allow it all to happen as it should. Just be. Damaged, tired, dirty feet and all, just be and I am as I am.
By having the courage to be herself, she put something wonderful in the world that was not there before. —Unknown
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
reverence for the individual
i lose track of the days, and for that, i apologize. monday was a good day, one that seems like such a blur! we were pretty much all over the lower east side yesterday, met a jewish white man who is married to a filipina lady and turns out that he owns a little filipino restaurant close by in gramercy. delicious! i also realized in that conversation that so happened to turn out to be a 15 minute convo, that whenever me, mary and michelle travel anywhere, an expected 5 minute stop turns out way longer than expected. our stories are complex, and even just the simple question, "what do you do out here?" turns into a drawn out conversation and explanation about our mission and ministry with mother cabrini. haha, welp! that's the way it goes!
the guys at cvs know us, we make friends with the people at walgreens, dunkin donuts love mary...but let's be honest. we gotta do what we gotta do. we're missioners. :) we also played in central park yesterday! well, we had a little picnic and rewarded ourselves with baskin robbin ice cream! so good. gold medal ribbon, you are DELICIOUS, so tasty!
today was a good one...michelle and i had to attend a catholic teacher conference for the catholic school teachers in the archidiocese of new york. i know, you're jealous. that was pretty much the whole day, attending a keynote speaker and a couple of workshops, and then went off to treat ourselves at dylan's candy shop! yes. that's right, be jealous. i got birthday cake ice cream in a sugar cone of course, and my heart was happy with that decision. we practiced our child labor skills by sweeping in front of our good ol' place of living and refuge, and i find that whenever we partake in this chore, i always meet the most random people.
haha the best is when i let the strangers know we live there, and then their first question is, " are you a nun?" - no - "are you going to be one?" - i don't know? no? - hahaha it's awesome. we made sister names for ourselves, and since sister crystal just does not flow well...mine is sister mary grace, if that ever comes to be a reality. EVER. grace is my middle name...so we'll see about that one! THEN....the night began...AND we did free salsa...in the street. YUP. be jealous...mary got us into it, and michelle knows her stuff, and now i like it, after dancing with an old asian man who was turning me and salsa-ing me for a good 20 minutes straight. shoot.
ANDDDD turns out i will be continuing my capoeira practice!! woohooo! i just need to talk to the mestre and see how i can volunteer my time in exchange for free classes a couple of times a week. :) YUP...done and DONE. brazilian martial arts, here i come....<3
...and THIS is my ministry. :)
the guys at cvs know us, we make friends with the people at walgreens, dunkin donuts love mary...but let's be honest. we gotta do what we gotta do. we're missioners. :) we also played in central park yesterday! well, we had a little picnic and rewarded ourselves with baskin robbin ice cream! so good. gold medal ribbon, you are DELICIOUS, so tasty!
today was a good one...michelle and i had to attend a catholic teacher conference for the catholic school teachers in the archidiocese of new york. i know, you're jealous. that was pretty much the whole day, attending a keynote speaker and a couple of workshops, and then went off to treat ourselves at dylan's candy shop! yes. that's right, be jealous. i got birthday cake ice cream in a sugar cone of course, and my heart was happy with that decision. we practiced our child labor skills by sweeping in front of our good ol' place of living and refuge, and i find that whenever we partake in this chore, i always meet the most random people.
haha the best is when i let the strangers know we live there, and then their first question is, " are you a nun?" - no - "are you going to be one?" - i don't know? no? - hahaha it's awesome. we made sister names for ourselves, and since sister crystal just does not flow well...mine is sister mary grace, if that ever comes to be a reality. EVER. grace is my middle name...so we'll see about that one! THEN....the night began...AND we did free salsa...in the street. YUP. be jealous...mary got us into it, and michelle knows her stuff, and now i like it, after dancing with an old asian man who was turning me and salsa-ing me for a good 20 minutes straight. shoot.
ANDDDD turns out i will be continuing my capoeira practice!! woohooo! i just need to talk to the mestre and see how i can volunteer my time in exchange for free classes a couple of times a week. :) YUP...done and DONE. brazilian martial arts, here i come....<3
...and THIS is my ministry. :)
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