we are now on our way back to new york, and after our lovely time of celebrating thanksgiving with sr. grace, and sr. mary lou, michelle, mary and i were stuffed with turkey, stuffing, lots and lots of delicious desserts, yummy bread, and probably the best sweet potato dish that i had! oh soo good! there were lots and lots of marshmallows on it, and they were crunch on the top after they were cooked in the oven. oh so tasty!
it was wonderful to sleep for 12 hours every day we were there, and it was very much needed. it was awesome to have a beautiful thanksgiving celebration - intimate, not loud, very family-like, and have a inspiring prayer service that sr. christine marie prepared on gratefulness.
one of the highlights is that i am reading the return of the prodigal son by henri nouwen, and i found that as i was sharing that with sr. grace, she actually leads workshops on that book, and she told me that she had some prints of the actual painting which is also on the cover of the book...5 minutes later, she came down with one for me, mary and michelle! i LOVED it!! so excited to have one! so that will be added to my collection of inspiration. :) anyway, the book is amazing, and it is already changing the way that i view things - particularly on trust and gratitude. how important gratitude is, no matter what is going on...it is so important! :) oh soo good!
robin, a cabrini lay missionary, just picked up me, mary and michelle, took us to a yummy nifty fifty diner, and now we are on the megabus, going back to new york. the sister moves tomorrow, so we are going to go out tonight, and then i will go with her to drop her off at the airport tomorrow! crazy...how time moves. for real.
it has just been such a good thanksgiving celebration - really and truly. my heart has been moved while reflecting on the past few months, but especially just in every moment, i wish you could experience the great feelings i feel - any given time, they are, awe, inspiration, wonder, desire, gratefulness...just really good tihngs. of course, it is challenging, and missing family and familiarity is a common feeling, but at the same time, i know that where i am at, i am meant to be there. i know that how i feel, is natural, and it's me, and it makes sense.
i am so thankful for where i have been, and for everyone who has led me to where i am now. every day has been a blessing, and i pray that i may continue to see this beauty all around me. even in the hard times, they are moments for growth, and moments for renewal. every day is a new day, and it is good. life.is.good.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
lean on me
...after waiting about an hour and a half, mary, michelle and i finally got on our megabus trek...and we are on our way to philly! woohoo! yup, goin' out to see sr. grace and sr. mary lou...we love it! :)
coming back from new jersey this past weekend, only to repack and get ready for a thanksgiving holiday in philly. gotta love the travelling! tonight was stressful, not gonna lie. it was a situation where people were shoving, people were annoyed, and while we were trying to exert the strongest bits of patience, at the same time, it was quite unfortunate when there was no real system of how things were to run. and THAT was unfortunate and frustrating.
yesterday i had my meeting with my spiritual director, and it was wonderful! i told her about my past week's experience with the exercises, and i told her some of the revelations i had...a revelation, a vision, just good moments. moments where i felt very close to the Spirit...such beautiful and blessed graces to receive, and so thankful to have received them. that's for sure. and...drum roll please...i started my 19th annotation yesterday! i got my first scripture passages and exercises, and learned the first week's theme...sin in the world. yeah, not so much warm and fuzzy anymore, but what better time, than now...right when it's advent, to prepare the way? so excited! yay!
my mom sent us zucchini bread and crabs and empanadas. i love receiving packages! yay! :) happy thanksgiving everyone! there is much to be thankful for!! :) more updates to come.
life is good. smile lots, and love big.
coming back from new jersey this past weekend, only to repack and get ready for a thanksgiving holiday in philly. gotta love the travelling! tonight was stressful, not gonna lie. it was a situation where people were shoving, people were annoyed, and while we were trying to exert the strongest bits of patience, at the same time, it was quite unfortunate when there was no real system of how things were to run. and THAT was unfortunate and frustrating.
yesterday i had my meeting with my spiritual director, and it was wonderful! i told her about my past week's experience with the exercises, and i told her some of the revelations i had...a revelation, a vision, just good moments. moments where i felt very close to the Spirit...such beautiful and blessed graces to receive, and so thankful to have received them. that's for sure. and...drum roll please...i started my 19th annotation yesterday! i got my first scripture passages and exercises, and learned the first week's theme...sin in the world. yeah, not so much warm and fuzzy anymore, but what better time, than now...right when it's advent, to prepare the way? so excited! yay!
my mom sent us zucchini bread and crabs and empanadas. i love receiving packages! yay! :) happy thanksgiving everyone! there is much to be thankful for!! :) more updates to come.
life is good. smile lots, and love big.
Monday, November 23, 2009
sunshine, sunshine!
...and i'm back! mary, michelle and i went to wickatunk, new jersey, with the good shepherd volunteers for a retreat on Community. we did our Orienatation Retreat with the GSV kids, and so it was wonderful to be together with them again on our Community Retreat! The LA girls even got to come out, and that was awesome! except for the fact that i snore, like, bad, like, uncontrollably...mwahahaha! well, i got good sleep :)
something great that i learned one retreat was really taking into account, "reverencing the individual." what does it really mean to look at and cherish each person as God sees them? yeah, of course, it is difficult to do that, especially when someone has done wrong onto me, or if they have done something wrong to someone that i care about, but really reverencing and respecting the individual and their choices. AND their choices!
something that was very much reinforced pretty much in every community is that every person has different needs. what does that really mean? some people need more alone time than others, some people need to get away at times (ex. me - i get bored really easily, so i always need to be doing something!), and etc. the different needs vary, but it is important to reverence that and hold that person still with respect and seek understanding in those situations. having open communication is key. if as a community, we can not be honest about things, that is where difficulty and strife may come in. that is when conflicts may arise.
it is such a blessing to be able to talk with michelle and mary about anything, like, ANYTHING. and THAT is a great, great thing! i would not want it any other way :) woohooo! so it was a success. and we had a wonderful presence of the Spirit, especially with the saturday night prayer service that we got to lead! woohoo! oh such good things come when we take the opportunity to affirm one another!
soo...yeah, it is a grey day today, and it looks like it will be raining soon. the sister is coming to dinner tonight, as she will be leaving on saturday for hawaii!! she's moving to hawaii!!! how crazy is that? oh, but God is good and got her a job out there. so that is wonderful! i watched "the santa clause" today at the convent and ate m&ms, while spending some time on the couch. it was so great to just chill for a little bit...haha like, a good hour. it was very much needed. :)
sisters are so lovely! yay! oh Lord, you are so good to me!
one month from yesterday...i'll be home! woot woot! :) get excited!! YAY!
something great that i learned one retreat was really taking into account, "reverencing the individual." what does it really mean to look at and cherish each person as God sees them? yeah, of course, it is difficult to do that, especially when someone has done wrong onto me, or if they have done something wrong to someone that i care about, but really reverencing and respecting the individual and their choices. AND their choices!
something that was very much reinforced pretty much in every community is that every person has different needs. what does that really mean? some people need more alone time than others, some people need to get away at times (ex. me - i get bored really easily, so i always need to be doing something!), and etc. the different needs vary, but it is important to reverence that and hold that person still with respect and seek understanding in those situations. having open communication is key. if as a community, we can not be honest about things, that is where difficulty and strife may come in. that is when conflicts may arise.
it is such a blessing to be able to talk with michelle and mary about anything, like, ANYTHING. and THAT is a great, great thing! i would not want it any other way :) woohooo! so it was a success. and we had a wonderful presence of the Spirit, especially with the saturday night prayer service that we got to lead! woohoo! oh such good things come when we take the opportunity to affirm one another!
soo...yeah, it is a grey day today, and it looks like it will be raining soon. the sister is coming to dinner tonight, as she will be leaving on saturday for hawaii!! she's moving to hawaii!!! how crazy is that? oh, but God is good and got her a job out there. so that is wonderful! i watched "the santa clause" today at the convent and ate m&ms, while spending some time on the couch. it was so great to just chill for a little bit...haha like, a good hour. it was very much needed. :)
sisters are so lovely! yay! oh Lord, you are so good to me!
one month from yesterday...i'll be home! woot woot! :) get excited!! YAY!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
thank you st. ignatius!
oh i am so excited! so i have entered into my 6th week of the preparation for the 19th Annotation...and sure enough...this is my last week! which means...i start the 19th Annotation on Tuesday! I am so excited! Woohoo! I met with my Spiritual Director yesterday and I find that after leaving each of our sessions/meetings, I come out with so much wisdom, but with the feeling of, wow! that was so good! We meet at her place in Chelsea and it is such a blessing every time. Her dogs pretty much know me by now, though they still bark at times.
We discuss the scriptures and reflections, and she explains to me some of the things I had trouble with, such as, reading the story of abraham sacrificing his son, isaac...i had some trouble with that one, and so i just skipped it altogether and of course after i sought her explanation and how to understand it better, i just fell in love with it. like, really so. so it's just so good! what a blessing!
mary and i went to theology on tap on monday and as we were walking back, she just said the simplest words, "life is great." and i joined in on that and shared in that celebration, because it is something to celebrate! knowing that i am called to be here, and knowing that every day i have all i need to live, love, and be challenged everyday, it is such a blessing. i think a lot of the beauty that i have been find in my life so far in me being here in new york, is that i am aware of God's presence. that is something that i am growing to understand more and more everyday. it's not so much just a, yeah, God is here and all around kinda feeling (though that is very much the case). By the same token, it is also allowing and being open to God in filling the space around me everywhere i go. it is a blessing and such a gift to know that i never have to do anything on my own! such freedom, liberation, and also, such responsbility.
we had our junior retreat yesterday and discussed discernment between choosing yes or no to premarital sex. with discernment being choosing between two goods (to become a sister or choosing to marry - yes, that is a very important thing to discern, as those are two very good things), it seems that the decision of choosing yes or no to premarital sex may not necessarily be so much discernment, but possibly just a God-given, don't do it. haha! of course, sure, depends who you ask, and depends on past experiences as well, but looking at the bigger picture, and looking at the charts that we compiled with the students, the decision seemed to read pretty loud and clear...your body is a temple, don't do it! :)
the metaphors were interesting - the sticky stuff, the tape, the apple bites...haha way too many, but it was all good stuff. not to mention i watched a walk to remember two times within a week such a great movie!
the sun is shining, but it's cold outside! how does THAT happen. AND it's not even winter yet, AND it's cold. oh my. eeps!
AND a quote that i heard two times within two days is...
"Be who you are and you will set the world on fire!" - St. Catherine of Siena
( a message directly from God? My Spiritual Director said, most definitely. I thought so too. :) Just those words..YOU WILL set the world on fire. How awesome is that?! We are all called to do that, no matter what situation we are in...if we are sitting in our office, be positive - make change there. if we are teaching in a classrom, be who you are and speak words of wisdom to the children! Oh there is so much change we can individually do! Woohoo!)
We discuss the scriptures and reflections, and she explains to me some of the things I had trouble with, such as, reading the story of abraham sacrificing his son, isaac...i had some trouble with that one, and so i just skipped it altogether and of course after i sought her explanation and how to understand it better, i just fell in love with it. like, really so. so it's just so good! what a blessing!
mary and i went to theology on tap on monday and as we were walking back, she just said the simplest words, "life is great." and i joined in on that and shared in that celebration, because it is something to celebrate! knowing that i am called to be here, and knowing that every day i have all i need to live, love, and be challenged everyday, it is such a blessing. i think a lot of the beauty that i have been find in my life so far in me being here in new york, is that i am aware of God's presence. that is something that i am growing to understand more and more everyday. it's not so much just a, yeah, God is here and all around kinda feeling (though that is very much the case). By the same token, it is also allowing and being open to God in filling the space around me everywhere i go. it is a blessing and such a gift to know that i never have to do anything on my own! such freedom, liberation, and also, such responsbility.
we had our junior retreat yesterday and discussed discernment between choosing yes or no to premarital sex. with discernment being choosing between two goods (to become a sister or choosing to marry - yes, that is a very important thing to discern, as those are two very good things), it seems that the decision of choosing yes or no to premarital sex may not necessarily be so much discernment, but possibly just a God-given, don't do it. haha! of course, sure, depends who you ask, and depends on past experiences as well, but looking at the bigger picture, and looking at the charts that we compiled with the students, the decision seemed to read pretty loud and clear...your body is a temple, don't do it! :)
the metaphors were interesting - the sticky stuff, the tape, the apple bites...haha way too many, but it was all good stuff. not to mention i watched a walk to remember two times within a week such a great movie!
the sun is shining, but it's cold outside! how does THAT happen. AND it's not even winter yet, AND it's cold. oh my. eeps!
AND a quote that i heard two times within two days is...
"Be who you are and you will set the world on fire!" - St. Catherine of Siena
( a message directly from God? My Spiritual Director said, most definitely. I thought so too. :) Just those words..YOU WILL set the world on fire. How awesome is that?! We are all called to do that, no matter what situation we are in...if we are sitting in our office, be positive - make change there. if we are teaching in a classrom, be who you are and speak words of wisdom to the children! Oh there is so much change we can individually do! Woohoo!)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
sometimes words don't do justice.
on the subway this afternoon, i noticed a guy get up so that a little girl could sit. i thought that was really nice and sweet. i got really sad cause i saw the little girl's face had some burn marks on her left cheek, the size of my palm. so then i smiled at the man, just to acknowledge the fact that i saw that random act of kindness, and of course, nothing happened. our stop came, and as i was leaving, i looked at him, and he said to me, "do good." i smiled back and went on my merry way.
how awesome is that?! i thought it was pretty cool...there ARE great people in this world! however, the other night i witness this man tormenting this younger guy, and straight up saying horrible things to him...AND he wouldn't stop, and THEN he tried to get other people on the subway involved. yeah...bad move buddy. the poor guy went on his merry way, stopped talking back, and tried to take a detour to transfer onto another train. well, what ended up happening, is we all ended up on the same transfer, and what did i witness? i saw the guy who was doing the making fun of, offer his seat to an elderly woman. it was quite the two-sided coin situation. after i saw that happen, i thought to myself, why did i witness that both? it was like good vs. evil kinda...that really stuck with me for that day, and clearly till now. :)
this past weekend we went to philly and attended an enneagram workshop with sr. barbara leonardo. i learned that i'm an 8, i learned that mary is a 5, and michelle is a 2/3 - debateable. :) BUT for our purposes, we will say she is a 2. needless to say, i guess one of the explanations to assist in the "you three get along so well!" conversation, is that the 2,5, and 8, are all complementary to one another. how awesome is that?! as an 8, i am described as being assertive. let's just say that out of the 20 questions that i took, to help me decide if i am an 8 or not, i answered 18 out of the 20, which applied YES for me. haha sooo i'm a strong 8, but a healthy 2. read up on enneagrams, and you will get a better idea of what that really means...BUT, i just love that the three of us are so into it! it's so wonderful! AND great to help in terms of praying for myself too. it's always nice to be able to evaluate my character and see how i am doing in life.
on that note, cabrini college. that's where we stayed last weekend. wow, how cute our humble abode was! we stayed with sister christine and the little house is SO cute. she was our snow white, and me, michelle, and mary, and mary's sister (sarah, who came to visit) were clearly the dwarves. it was such a good time - it's so funny because every weekend, it seems that i am barely in new york, and if i am, the agenda has already been made. haha...disponibilita at its finest! if it's all things that i truly, truly enjoy, i don't see a problem..therefore, no problem here :)
AND! we got to tape a radio show..it was such a great moment that we got to share with one another in terms of discussing things from our own perspectives. some of the questions we answered were, " why did you choose to do cabrini mission corps ? " " what's it like living with the sisters in a convent?" "what advice would you give to young people debating whether or not they would like to do volunteer work?" - it was beautiful to hear each of mary and michelle's responses, and it was AWESOME to hear us say the same phrase to answer the question on what advice would we give to other young people..."listen to your heart." please tell me how that is possible that we all said the same thing?!
haha, all i have to say with that, is, that is just such confirmation as to why the three of us have been called to mission, with mother cabrini. when we attended mass at cabrini college, i can not even tell you how great it was to be surrounded by other college students attending mass. dr. george gave a reflection on mother cabrini and connected it to the gospel. when she was speaking and talking about the courage and boldness of mother cabrini, i could not help but keep fidgeting in my chair, because i was so excited and so on fire to do the work that mother cabrini did. what an inspiring woman! she went for it...even when people slammed doors in her face, even when they said, NO, go back to italy, there's nothing here for you in new york, she stayed, she persevered, and boom, look at all of the missions she has set up! it is quite remarkable. no doubt in my mind that i have been called to the charism of mother cabrini, and out of all the people, i picture a whole pool of thousands and thousands of young people, and i see her sifting through the individuals, and boop! she picked me, michelle and mary for this year, and soon another missioner, alice. it's just so very special, and something that i hold dear to my heart.
i was talking with my friend jess about this the other night when we visited our friend ryan at work, and i could not help but just talk about how much i love my life, and how much i love where everything is in my life. no, not everything is perfect, but i can not help but see the grace, the beauty, the love that i am surrounded in every day. i would not want it any other way right now, and God bless everything that has led me here. she saws the joy that was on my face, and i think she felt my heart too. it was genuinely happy. amen!
i had my meeting with my spiritual director today, and after 7 kleenex, i was done, done done...i had no idea that i had such an emotional experience with my past week of spiritual exercises - the scriptures were great! - but apparently i did. i remember in the moments of my prayer, i felt very moved, but as i was processing the week of prayer with my spiritual director, and as i talked to her more about the feelings that i had, and the sights that i saw when i vividly recalled the scripture readings as they played out in my mind and imagination, i could not help but start crying. such a blessing, and such a flow of emotion came over me...the story of Jesus curing the crippled woman, the prodigal son...the Spirit giving me the words...becoming a new creation...there is just so much in these scriptures, and for the first time, truly, these scriptures are coming to life, and these scriptures are allowing me to just be - "just be" with God...oh, so goood! there aren't even words! how wonderful that is!
tomorrow is mother cabrini's feast day, and it will be a party all around! i am excited to go to mass with the sisters, have lunch with them, then dinner at our place to continue the celebration! tita aida, our cook, is making filipino food to celebrate! my mom sent me empanada too, so i think i will break that open so that we can all share it. yay! :) woohoo!
my eyes are tired from such a wholesome, wonderful day. even though i felt sick as soon as i woke up this morning, God provided, and it was good. oh, so good. :) YAY!
how awesome is that?! i thought it was pretty cool...there ARE great people in this world! however, the other night i witness this man tormenting this younger guy, and straight up saying horrible things to him...AND he wouldn't stop, and THEN he tried to get other people on the subway involved. yeah...bad move buddy. the poor guy went on his merry way, stopped talking back, and tried to take a detour to transfer onto another train. well, what ended up happening, is we all ended up on the same transfer, and what did i witness? i saw the guy who was doing the making fun of, offer his seat to an elderly woman. it was quite the two-sided coin situation. after i saw that happen, i thought to myself, why did i witness that both? it was like good vs. evil kinda...that really stuck with me for that day, and clearly till now. :)
this past weekend we went to philly and attended an enneagram workshop with sr. barbara leonardo. i learned that i'm an 8, i learned that mary is a 5, and michelle is a 2/3 - debateable. :) BUT for our purposes, we will say she is a 2. needless to say, i guess one of the explanations to assist in the "you three get along so well!" conversation, is that the 2,5, and 8, are all complementary to one another. how awesome is that?! as an 8, i am described as being assertive. let's just say that out of the 20 questions that i took, to help me decide if i am an 8 or not, i answered 18 out of the 20, which applied YES for me. haha sooo i'm a strong 8, but a healthy 2. read up on enneagrams, and you will get a better idea of what that really means...BUT, i just love that the three of us are so into it! it's so wonderful! AND great to help in terms of praying for myself too. it's always nice to be able to evaluate my character and see how i am doing in life.
on that note, cabrini college. that's where we stayed last weekend. wow, how cute our humble abode was! we stayed with sister christine and the little house is SO cute. she was our snow white, and me, michelle, and mary, and mary's sister (sarah, who came to visit) were clearly the dwarves. it was such a good time - it's so funny because every weekend, it seems that i am barely in new york, and if i am, the agenda has already been made. haha...disponibilita at its finest! if it's all things that i truly, truly enjoy, i don't see a problem..therefore, no problem here :)
AND! we got to tape a radio show..it was such a great moment that we got to share with one another in terms of discussing things from our own perspectives. some of the questions we answered were, " why did you choose to do cabrini mission corps ? " " what's it like living with the sisters in a convent?" "what advice would you give to young people debating whether or not they would like to do volunteer work?" - it was beautiful to hear each of mary and michelle's responses, and it was AWESOME to hear us say the same phrase to answer the question on what advice would we give to other young people..."listen to your heart." please tell me how that is possible that we all said the same thing?!
haha, all i have to say with that, is, that is just such confirmation as to why the three of us have been called to mission, with mother cabrini. when we attended mass at cabrini college, i can not even tell you how great it was to be surrounded by other college students attending mass. dr. george gave a reflection on mother cabrini and connected it to the gospel. when she was speaking and talking about the courage and boldness of mother cabrini, i could not help but keep fidgeting in my chair, because i was so excited and so on fire to do the work that mother cabrini did. what an inspiring woman! she went for it...even when people slammed doors in her face, even when they said, NO, go back to italy, there's nothing here for you in new york, she stayed, she persevered, and boom, look at all of the missions she has set up! it is quite remarkable. no doubt in my mind that i have been called to the charism of mother cabrini, and out of all the people, i picture a whole pool of thousands and thousands of young people, and i see her sifting through the individuals, and boop! she picked me, michelle and mary for this year, and soon another missioner, alice. it's just so very special, and something that i hold dear to my heart.
i was talking with my friend jess about this the other night when we visited our friend ryan at work, and i could not help but just talk about how much i love my life, and how much i love where everything is in my life. no, not everything is perfect, but i can not help but see the grace, the beauty, the love that i am surrounded in every day. i would not want it any other way right now, and God bless everything that has led me here. she saws the joy that was on my face, and i think she felt my heart too. it was genuinely happy. amen!
i had my meeting with my spiritual director today, and after 7 kleenex, i was done, done done...i had no idea that i had such an emotional experience with my past week of spiritual exercises - the scriptures were great! - but apparently i did. i remember in the moments of my prayer, i felt very moved, but as i was processing the week of prayer with my spiritual director, and as i talked to her more about the feelings that i had, and the sights that i saw when i vividly recalled the scripture readings as they played out in my mind and imagination, i could not help but start crying. such a blessing, and such a flow of emotion came over me...the story of Jesus curing the crippled woman, the prodigal son...the Spirit giving me the words...becoming a new creation...there is just so much in these scriptures, and for the first time, truly, these scriptures are coming to life, and these scriptures are allowing me to just be - "just be" with God...oh, so goood! there aren't even words! how wonderful that is!
tomorrow is mother cabrini's feast day, and it will be a party all around! i am excited to go to mass with the sisters, have lunch with them, then dinner at our place to continue the celebration! tita aida, our cook, is making filipino food to celebrate! my mom sent me empanada too, so i think i will break that open so that we can all share it. yay! :) woohoo!
my eyes are tired from such a wholesome, wonderful day. even though i felt sick as soon as i woke up this morning, God provided, and it was good. oh, so good. :) YAY!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
sister barbara said..."just pray."
do i have energy to do this? of course! i dooo! sooo here goes! :)
while this is a great processing tool, it is also one that takes time. but, of course, processing takes time. :) AND it is worthy of time! oh processing, discernment, openness, loving, and grace - those few things (few but powerful), my friends, have been the themes that have been top of mind for me for the past week, especially. let's break it down, shall we?
processing - everyday is a gift that God has granted me. going through the ignatian spiritual exercises, i have been reading through the principle foundation of ignatius...i really resonated with the feelings of thanking God and giving praise to Him every morning when i wake up, for a new day, and thanking God at night for the opportunity to have been gifted with a full day. a lot of the times, the mornings can determine how my day will be played out, and usually, i like to start off by listening to music, and it is pretty much down to a routine, but waking up in the morning is not a promise, and it is a gift, and what a joy it is to discover what will comprise the day to come! when i am at dinner with the sisters and my sistas (the missioners!) it gives me a chance to slow down and process what happened in my day, especially when it is followed by night time prayer in the chapel with the community. it gives me that chance to sit, breathe in, breathe out, and think about how the day went for me, it helps me to slow down. i just learned some techniques on centering, and i'm really excited to try them out, and see what works and doesn't work for me. this is where awareness of myself is really important!
discernment and openness - the d word. wow. yeah, i don't think i can even capture my thoughts in a brief paragraph with simple or even complex sentences, but i can only say that this whole experience is one big discernment time. i think each week presents a different type of discernment... of course, the bigger questions in life that i concentrate on are always over-arching, but i think what i have found is that discernment is that much easier when i am at a good place with myself and i am at a good place in my relationship with God (as i feel in my heart.) Of course i am always trying day by day to draw closer to Him and see where that experience takes me, but discernment to me, means openness. To be open to the Spirit moving in my life, and within my heart, and truly allowing God to be apparent and followed in my life. it is such a blessing to come in direct contact with the Spirit, knowing, that it is God moving. that sounds kinda weird, but i suppose it is because my lack of extensive vocabulary and the inability to even express and describe the feelings that i have, sometimes with regard to the way I feel God, does not even exist. however - point is, God is real, and it is so good! :) when mary and i were talking with sister barbara and vocation and choice and normalcy and doing what is not so mainstream, such as being a sister...she said her advice was, to pray. i interpret that to mean, to just pray, and see where that leads, because God answers prayers ( yes, not right now, or i have something better for you!) , and it all leads somewhere. :)
where is God taking me? well, i can just be who i am now, keep doing what i'm doing, and i will be led to that place. no need to worry about what comes next, no need to worry about what comes next week, in a couple of months or even in june. God is here, and i truly believe that He stands right at my side guiding me...even though sometimes it is even hard to imagine!
loving and grace - i love my life right now. i do. i love that i don't feel like i am working, and i feel like i am enjoying the days of ministry - in the campus ministry office and in my classroom when i'm teaching health. i love the students, i love working with the sisters, and i especially love who i live with, i love the sisters at the convent in the lower east side, and i love cabrini. HAHA - yeah, it's a good life. many gifts of grace have fallen into my lap and on my head and i feel so blessed to have this opportunity..i remember when i first started the process of cabrini mission corps and even before that, when i was realizing that where i was was not where God wanted me to be for a while - rather it was like, a mere stopping point, and an essential one, before i began this...but i remember praying, a lot - miraculous medal, novenas to mother frances cabrini, and some intense prayer...prayer really works. it allowed my heart to be open to the possibilities - if in fact i was called to go, please send me, if not, i know there is a different direction that i am to be led to, but one thing was for certain: i did not belong where i was anymore...it was time to move on because my heart was not there...staying open to the next thing, it led me here to new york. it was grace, and since then, there have been countless graces of confirmation of yes, this is why you are here crystal, and yes, God, this is why i am here. it is so enriching, and i feel like each day presents such gifts to me...whether it be in conversations with my sistas - mish and mary, or conversations with the sisters about their vocations, or even just about what to pick up from the grocery, these moments are priceless.
oh! and last night, i got to go to a church in greenwich village with the cook at our convent...she's a little filipina woman and she told me about a parish she goes to...on wednesdays they do the novena to our lady of perpetual help. i decided to go with her yesterday and wow! what a blessing that was! granted there were like 15 of us in attendance, it was absolutely moving and awesome! i felt like i was in the philippines! right after the novena and mass, we went downstairs to the little basement and had sinigang and rice AND lechon! the priest had prepared it for us! it was great!! it was like a little room, and we were watching the baseball game, and i was getting made fun of for my americanized tagalog. sure, i don't have the pilipino accent (haha!) but it was just so good to be around that community!! then, she took me home because sister archangel said i better get home safe. :) haha god love her. and so i did, and i realize, yes, i want to keep coming! and so i will try to! :) and i think i might join the choir there too...it's a filipino choir! why would i say no? so yay! that was wonderful, wonderful!
i wish you could see what i see, and live where i live, and see how i live. i wish you could meet the students and watch me teach. haha, it is so dear to me, AND mother cabrini's feast day is on the 13th of november. i hope you're excited...cause i am!!
we are going to philly tonight after school and will be there for the weekend. and then we are also spending thanksgiving in philly with sister grace and sister mary lou, who is also a professor at cabrini college - she used to be the head of school there. crazy, right? oh, i just love it! :) YAY!
ok, on that note, it is time for me to go. sending you lots and lots of love.
i hope you remember to pray and give thanks when times get tough and even more when the sun is shining down on you. i hope you remember to laugh and love, and i hope you see God today. i know that if you look openly, you are sure to see/find/feel/know it. :)
until next time my dear friends! :)
while this is a great processing tool, it is also one that takes time. but, of course, processing takes time. :) AND it is worthy of time! oh processing, discernment, openness, loving, and grace - those few things (few but powerful), my friends, have been the themes that have been top of mind for me for the past week, especially. let's break it down, shall we?
processing - everyday is a gift that God has granted me. going through the ignatian spiritual exercises, i have been reading through the principle foundation of ignatius...i really resonated with the feelings of thanking God and giving praise to Him every morning when i wake up, for a new day, and thanking God at night for the opportunity to have been gifted with a full day. a lot of the times, the mornings can determine how my day will be played out, and usually, i like to start off by listening to music, and it is pretty much down to a routine, but waking up in the morning is not a promise, and it is a gift, and what a joy it is to discover what will comprise the day to come! when i am at dinner with the sisters and my sistas (the missioners!) it gives me a chance to slow down and process what happened in my day, especially when it is followed by night time prayer in the chapel with the community. it gives me that chance to sit, breathe in, breathe out, and think about how the day went for me, it helps me to slow down. i just learned some techniques on centering, and i'm really excited to try them out, and see what works and doesn't work for me. this is where awareness of myself is really important!
discernment and openness - the d word. wow. yeah, i don't think i can even capture my thoughts in a brief paragraph with simple or even complex sentences, but i can only say that this whole experience is one big discernment time. i think each week presents a different type of discernment... of course, the bigger questions in life that i concentrate on are always over-arching, but i think what i have found is that discernment is that much easier when i am at a good place with myself and i am at a good place in my relationship with God (as i feel in my heart.) Of course i am always trying day by day to draw closer to Him and see where that experience takes me, but discernment to me, means openness. To be open to the Spirit moving in my life, and within my heart, and truly allowing God to be apparent and followed in my life. it is such a blessing to come in direct contact with the Spirit, knowing, that it is God moving. that sounds kinda weird, but i suppose it is because my lack of extensive vocabulary and the inability to even express and describe the feelings that i have, sometimes with regard to the way I feel God, does not even exist. however - point is, God is real, and it is so good! :) when mary and i were talking with sister barbara and vocation and choice and normalcy and doing what is not so mainstream, such as being a sister...she said her advice was, to pray. i interpret that to mean, to just pray, and see where that leads, because God answers prayers ( yes, not right now, or i have something better for you!) , and it all leads somewhere. :)
where is God taking me? well, i can just be who i am now, keep doing what i'm doing, and i will be led to that place. no need to worry about what comes next, no need to worry about what comes next week, in a couple of months or even in june. God is here, and i truly believe that He stands right at my side guiding me...even though sometimes it is even hard to imagine!
loving and grace - i love my life right now. i do. i love that i don't feel like i am working, and i feel like i am enjoying the days of ministry - in the campus ministry office and in my classroom when i'm teaching health. i love the students, i love working with the sisters, and i especially love who i live with, i love the sisters at the convent in the lower east side, and i love cabrini. HAHA - yeah, it's a good life. many gifts of grace have fallen into my lap and on my head and i feel so blessed to have this opportunity..i remember when i first started the process of cabrini mission corps and even before that, when i was realizing that where i was was not where God wanted me to be for a while - rather it was like, a mere stopping point, and an essential one, before i began this...but i remember praying, a lot - miraculous medal, novenas to mother frances cabrini, and some intense prayer...prayer really works. it allowed my heart to be open to the possibilities - if in fact i was called to go, please send me, if not, i know there is a different direction that i am to be led to, but one thing was for certain: i did not belong where i was anymore...it was time to move on because my heart was not there...staying open to the next thing, it led me here to new york. it was grace, and since then, there have been countless graces of confirmation of yes, this is why you are here crystal, and yes, God, this is why i am here. it is so enriching, and i feel like each day presents such gifts to me...whether it be in conversations with my sistas - mish and mary, or conversations with the sisters about their vocations, or even just about what to pick up from the grocery, these moments are priceless.
oh! and last night, i got to go to a church in greenwich village with the cook at our convent...she's a little filipina woman and she told me about a parish she goes to...on wednesdays they do the novena to our lady of perpetual help. i decided to go with her yesterday and wow! what a blessing that was! granted there were like 15 of us in attendance, it was absolutely moving and awesome! i felt like i was in the philippines! right after the novena and mass, we went downstairs to the little basement and had sinigang and rice AND lechon! the priest had prepared it for us! it was great!! it was like a little room, and we were watching the baseball game, and i was getting made fun of for my americanized tagalog. sure, i don't have the pilipino accent (haha!) but it was just so good to be around that community!! then, she took me home because sister archangel said i better get home safe. :) haha god love her. and so i did, and i realize, yes, i want to keep coming! and so i will try to! :) and i think i might join the choir there too...it's a filipino choir! why would i say no? so yay! that was wonderful, wonderful!
i wish you could see what i see, and live where i live, and see how i live. i wish you could meet the students and watch me teach. haha, it is so dear to me, AND mother cabrini's feast day is on the 13th of november. i hope you're excited...cause i am!!
we are going to philly tonight after school and will be there for the weekend. and then we are also spending thanksgiving in philly with sister grace and sister mary lou, who is also a professor at cabrini college - she used to be the head of school there. crazy, right? oh, i just love it! :) YAY!
ok, on that note, it is time for me to go. sending you lots and lots of love.
i hope you remember to pray and give thanks when times get tough and even more when the sun is shining down on you. i hope you remember to laugh and love, and i hope you see God today. i know that if you look openly, you are sure to see/find/feel/know it. :)
until next time my dear friends! :)
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