Monday, March 29, 2010
...embrace my filipino-american/ness
i had the awesome opportunity to attend the "pabasa ng pasyon" with the filipino pastoral ministry located in the lower east side. march 26, beginning at 8pm...this lasted through the next morning (i left at 9am, cause i was exhausted! but they still went through until around 1pm) sure enough, it is a ministry from the same parish that mother cabrini used to teach at, back in the day. they held the "pabasa ng pasyon" at a seminary in queens, NY, and with the help of my friend, greg, i got to get some footage and document what this experience was like.
of course, it does not capture the delicious smells of the filipino food, or even the loudness of the pockets of filipino conversation, but it hopefully provides you with a visual of that which is Filipino tradition. I give a little tour of the seminary, and that is because i was truly captivated by the filipino statues that they had. perhaps it has been a while since i have been around them, but it was amazing to be there - i just had to share!
with my continued desire to explore my filipino background, and with the hopes to share filipino culture with you all, i hope you enjoy it - who knows, maybe you will have the chance to have this experience too! :)
Friday, March 26, 2010
say what you need to say
crystal - where have you been since you came back from your visit to california? well, i've been trying to catch up on sleep, and i've been catching up on projects that have been waiting in the wings. i have also been laughing a lot, and enjoying new york a lot, and spending time in great conversation with mary and michelle. i was also in the lower east side (our fave hangout) with jess and ryan, and i was also at dunkin' donuts getting a 99 cent latte, and updating my twitter, and singing, "give me your eyes" by brandon heath and dancing in my room, and writing poetry with my students...i've been here - just not on my blog. :)
when i got back, one of my bestest friends, charles, (no really, he's so great!), asked me to write a letter to his class about my transition from suit life in corporate america to my role as a missioner, where do i see God, how do i live, etc...basically, my life story as to how the heck i ended up in new york. oh yeah, and he told me to try to make fun of him, that way it's slightly personally entertaining. haha! charles teaches a number of classes at the high school, and this one was specifically for his social justice course. when he reminded me that i needed to write his class a letter, i jumped on it right away - maybe it's because i kept having conversations with people (probably averaging like 3 a day) as to what my next steps were going to be after my time here in new york, so i have definitely processed this a lot, or maybe it was because i needed to write out my stream of consciousness on paper, with ink, to actually be shared. regardless, it was such a wonderful processing tool for me, and reading over it, i am amazed at the life that i have led so far. this springboarded into giving me motivation to write an article for a hispanic vocation magazine (my life condensed in under 500 words. awesome.) so there we have it...
...and so, here you have it (no edits, and no judgment of course) enjoy!
Dear Brothers and Sisters of Mr. Mansour’s Religion Class,
Mr. Mansour, also known as, my super good, one of my best friends, Charles, asked me to write your class a letter, with the purpose to hopefully share with you parts of my life, and hopefully inject you with an understanding of “calling,” joy, peace, patience, and the gift of wisdom…all rooted in the area of social justice. And so I begin…
The place where God calls you is where your deep gladness meets the world’s greatest need. ~Frederick Buechner
My name is Crystal, also known as Ms. Catalan to my students, and I first met Mr. Mansour at the University of San Diego. He really is one of the funniest people I know, and he’s actually legit…meaning, he’s one of the smartest people I know too. He’s one of the goofiest, and conceited, I mean, confident, I mean, one of the most truly authentic persons I know, but don’t compliment him, otherwise it only feeds his ego. BUT as I said, he is smart and wise, so listen to him. And no, Mr. Mansour and I never dated, or had any such relationship. But he did break up with me once, jerk.
My story goes like this. I was born and raised in southern Orange County, California, specifically Laguna Niguel (yes, a couple of miles away from Laguna Beach, and yes, the show, Laguna Beach, is actually kind of like what you see on TV. But not really.) I am Filipino-American, meaning I was the product of two Filipino parents, however, I was born in Anaheim, California (American culture). Yes, that is the location of Disneyland, and yes I worked there as an outdoor vendor (selling popcorn , churros and $3.25 ice cream sandwiches shaped like mickey’s face) Don’t judge me, it was a step up from Chuck E. Cheese, which is where I worked summers before. So that, was that. After my ridiculously amazing time in high school, I attended USD with your teacher, Mr. Mansour. It was here that I made my first mission trip to the Philippines, and little did I know that this initial trip would change my life forever. Yes, forever.
I made my first visit to the Philippines when I was 3 or so, but let’s be honest, I had no idea what it was really like. By the time I was in college, I was ready to make an actual missions trip to the Philippines with an organization that we had on campus. That summer, I found myself living at an orphanage with 23 young girls who were taken out of their homes because of abuse by their parents and/or relatives, or because they were abandoned, or recovered from situations where they were being trafficked. It was in listening to the stories of these girls, crying with them (a lot), laughing with them, and just being with them, that I began to feel a connection with them, and see them not as girls who I was helping, but girls that I would learn from, and even more beautifully, discover God living within them.
It was also here in the Philippines that my heart drew near to the social issue of human trafficking. There in the Philippines, I had the experience of being with women who were undergoing rehabilitation and placed in programs assisting them to get out of their lives on the streets, surviving as prostitutes. This was a group of people I never had exposure to, no experience, and no knowledge of (really, except for what I would see in the movies like Pretty Woman). Moments there, my heart broke. Why? Because I saw the beauty within each of them, and as much as I tried, I could not even understand or comprehend what they have experienced. Women and children being robbed of their dignity and value, through the selling of their bodies, every day. Night and day, no matter what time…they were there on the streets. Sure you can make the argument of, well they don’t need to be doing that, or why do they do that when they can just get a job? It brings us to the question of blaming the society or blaming the individual. Here, it did not matter. What matters is that these women that I was looking at, straight in the face, were my sisters. They have a pulse, they are human, and they too, are God’s children. God’s beloved, just like you and me.
These relationships formed, and the moments when I would be leaving on the plane back to comfortable, sunny California with tears dripping down my face, made me realize something. It made me realize that the Philippines and the ministry I had cultivated there – my ministry of presence, is where my passion was, and it was where my deep gladness resided. It was this deep gladness that drew me back to go there every summer, since my initial trip in 2005.
I graduated from USD with a major in Communication Studies and minors in Business Administration and Sociology (clearly, I had very eclectic taste in courses), and was set for my post-undergraduate career even before my Senior year ended. I had landed an amazing position with one of the best companies to work for as an entry-level position and through the Sales Devleopment Program, I would be making 6 figures by the time I was 25. I loved my job – well, working with people, and granted, I was the only one out of my close group of friends (Mr. Mansour included) to enter corporate America, while the rest of them went straight into faith-based, service-oriented programs. Still, I was determined to bring who I was – my faith, my energy, and my enthusiasm into the workplace – if anything, corporate America needs good people too! That was my motto, and that’s what I kept going back to during my two years there.
In my recent trip to the Philippines in April of 2009, I decided to spend time at the convent belonging to the Sisters of the Good Shepherd. There, I would spend time with 12 girls who were taken out of their homes because of their dangerous living conditions. After the two weeks I spent in the Philippines, I returned to my cubicle in the Los Angeles high rise building, and I cradled my face in my hands thinking, “Crystal, what are you doing?” It was in this moment that I knew that my heart was split – I was not using my life the way that I wanted. Sure I was receiving a high-paying salary, but I was also being measured and judged by the amount of revenue I generated for the company each week. Sure I was living it up wearing a business suit and power heels every day (we did not even have casual Fridays!) which is something that I looked forward to even before college ended, but I was being judged by the amount of sales calls I would have every week. It was unnecessary pressure and anxiety, and I knew right then and there, that I wanted to serve. This was no longer the place where I was wanted to be.
After weeks and months of praying about this decision, I found an organization called Cabrini Mission Corps, and so begins this part of my life. A month after coming back from the Philippines, I found this organization, flew out to Philadelphia for an interview, and within 3 weeks, I quit my job and found myself in a position as a Teacher and Campus Minister at Mother Cabrini High School in New York, NY. I currently teach Health to sophomore girls in Washington Heights, NY (primarily Dominican area). In terms of community, I live with 5 other sisters (religious sisters!), and 2 other missioners who are also my age. Yes, I said goodbye to my promising salary, but I said hello to the most fulfilling place that I could be right now.
As God has it, I am preparing to go to the Philippines in August of this year, where I will also be living at a convent, teaching, and also taking part in prison ministry. Yup, God is indeed a God of surprises! I guess you can say my life has been full of transition, but I will also say that just as I change and grow and discover my life’s passions, with an open heart, and a struggling, yet desiring heart to draw closer to God and understanding the magnitude of this beautiful world (which includes each of the people God has created), God has been at my side, patient with me as I grow and continue to learn more about the needs of this world.
My ministry is not to help, rather my ministry lies with my intention – my intention to want to use my life to serve and be with others. Through my experiences, it is such a beautiful life to know that we may use our individual God-given gifts and talents to serve one another, near and far. I have found that I don’t need to change who I am. That’s not what is being asked of me. Rather, it’s that I agree to participate in my life and discover what energizes me and what gives me life. I think I found that, for now, but indeed, I am still a work in progress.
I would like to leave you with parts of a poem that helps me when I sometimes feel overwhelmed or helpless (this is by Archbishop Oscar Romero):
We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.
Thank you for being who you are, and please remember to treat Mr. Mansour with respect. You are a blessing to him, and you help make him a better person. Keep it that way.
With so much love and peace,
Ms. Crystal Catalan
when i got back, one of my bestest friends, charles, (no really, he's so great!), asked me to write a letter to his class about my transition from suit life in corporate america to my role as a missioner, where do i see God, how do i live, etc...basically, my life story as to how the heck i ended up in new york. oh yeah, and he told me to try to make fun of him, that way it's slightly personally entertaining. haha! charles teaches a number of classes at the high school, and this one was specifically for his social justice course. when he reminded me that i needed to write his class a letter, i jumped on it right away - maybe it's because i kept having conversations with people (probably averaging like 3 a day) as to what my next steps were going to be after my time here in new york, so i have definitely processed this a lot, or maybe it was because i needed to write out my stream of consciousness on paper, with ink, to actually be shared. regardless, it was such a wonderful processing tool for me, and reading over it, i am amazed at the life that i have led so far. this springboarded into giving me motivation to write an article for a hispanic vocation magazine (my life condensed in under 500 words. awesome.) so there we have it...
...and so, here you have it (no edits, and no judgment of course) enjoy!
Dear Brothers and Sisters of Mr. Mansour’s Religion Class,
Mr. Mansour, also known as, my super good, one of my best friends, Charles, asked me to write your class a letter, with the purpose to hopefully share with you parts of my life, and hopefully inject you with an understanding of “calling,” joy, peace, patience, and the gift of wisdom…all rooted in the area of social justice. And so I begin…
The place where God calls you is where your deep gladness meets the world’s greatest need. ~Frederick Buechner
My name is Crystal, also known as Ms. Catalan to my students, and I first met Mr. Mansour at the University of San Diego. He really is one of the funniest people I know, and he’s actually legit…meaning, he’s one of the smartest people I know too. He’s one of the goofiest, and conceited, I mean, confident, I mean, one of the most truly authentic persons I know, but don’t compliment him, otherwise it only feeds his ego. BUT as I said, he is smart and wise, so listen to him. And no, Mr. Mansour and I never dated, or had any such relationship. But he did break up with me once, jerk.
My story goes like this. I was born and raised in southern Orange County, California, specifically Laguna Niguel (yes, a couple of miles away from Laguna Beach, and yes, the show, Laguna Beach, is actually kind of like what you see on TV. But not really.) I am Filipino-American, meaning I was the product of two Filipino parents, however, I was born in Anaheim, California (American culture). Yes, that is the location of Disneyland, and yes I worked there as an outdoor vendor (selling popcorn , churros and $3.25 ice cream sandwiches shaped like mickey’s face) Don’t judge me, it was a step up from Chuck E. Cheese, which is where I worked summers before. So that, was that. After my ridiculously amazing time in high school, I attended USD with your teacher, Mr. Mansour. It was here that I made my first mission trip to the Philippines, and little did I know that this initial trip would change my life forever. Yes, forever.
I made my first visit to the Philippines when I was 3 or so, but let’s be honest, I had no idea what it was really like. By the time I was in college, I was ready to make an actual missions trip to the Philippines with an organization that we had on campus. That summer, I found myself living at an orphanage with 23 young girls who were taken out of their homes because of abuse by their parents and/or relatives, or because they were abandoned, or recovered from situations where they were being trafficked. It was in listening to the stories of these girls, crying with them (a lot), laughing with them, and just being with them, that I began to feel a connection with them, and see them not as girls who I was helping, but girls that I would learn from, and even more beautifully, discover God living within them.
It was also here in the Philippines that my heart drew near to the social issue of human trafficking. There in the Philippines, I had the experience of being with women who were undergoing rehabilitation and placed in programs assisting them to get out of their lives on the streets, surviving as prostitutes. This was a group of people I never had exposure to, no experience, and no knowledge of (really, except for what I would see in the movies like Pretty Woman). Moments there, my heart broke. Why? Because I saw the beauty within each of them, and as much as I tried, I could not even understand or comprehend what they have experienced. Women and children being robbed of their dignity and value, through the selling of their bodies, every day. Night and day, no matter what time…they were there on the streets. Sure you can make the argument of, well they don’t need to be doing that, or why do they do that when they can just get a job? It brings us to the question of blaming the society or blaming the individual. Here, it did not matter. What matters is that these women that I was looking at, straight in the face, were my sisters. They have a pulse, they are human, and they too, are God’s children. God’s beloved, just like you and me.
These relationships formed, and the moments when I would be leaving on the plane back to comfortable, sunny California with tears dripping down my face, made me realize something. It made me realize that the Philippines and the ministry I had cultivated there – my ministry of presence, is where my passion was, and it was where my deep gladness resided. It was this deep gladness that drew me back to go there every summer, since my initial trip in 2005.
I graduated from USD with a major in Communication Studies and minors in Business Administration and Sociology (clearly, I had very eclectic taste in courses), and was set for my post-undergraduate career even before my Senior year ended. I had landed an amazing position with one of the best companies to work for as an entry-level position and through the Sales Devleopment Program, I would be making 6 figures by the time I was 25. I loved my job – well, working with people, and granted, I was the only one out of my close group of friends (Mr. Mansour included) to enter corporate America, while the rest of them went straight into faith-based, service-oriented programs. Still, I was determined to bring who I was – my faith, my energy, and my enthusiasm into the workplace – if anything, corporate America needs good people too! That was my motto, and that’s what I kept going back to during my two years there.
In my recent trip to the Philippines in April of 2009, I decided to spend time at the convent belonging to the Sisters of the Good Shepherd. There, I would spend time with 12 girls who were taken out of their homes because of their dangerous living conditions. After the two weeks I spent in the Philippines, I returned to my cubicle in the Los Angeles high rise building, and I cradled my face in my hands thinking, “Crystal, what are you doing?” It was in this moment that I knew that my heart was split – I was not using my life the way that I wanted. Sure I was receiving a high-paying salary, but I was also being measured and judged by the amount of revenue I generated for the company each week. Sure I was living it up wearing a business suit and power heels every day (we did not even have casual Fridays!) which is something that I looked forward to even before college ended, but I was being judged by the amount of sales calls I would have every week. It was unnecessary pressure and anxiety, and I knew right then and there, that I wanted to serve. This was no longer the place where I was wanted to be.
After weeks and months of praying about this decision, I found an organization called Cabrini Mission Corps, and so begins this part of my life. A month after coming back from the Philippines, I found this organization, flew out to Philadelphia for an interview, and within 3 weeks, I quit my job and found myself in a position as a Teacher and Campus Minister at Mother Cabrini High School in New York, NY. I currently teach Health to sophomore girls in Washington Heights, NY (primarily Dominican area). In terms of community, I live with 5 other sisters (religious sisters!), and 2 other missioners who are also my age. Yes, I said goodbye to my promising salary, but I said hello to the most fulfilling place that I could be right now.
As God has it, I am preparing to go to the Philippines in August of this year, where I will also be living at a convent, teaching, and also taking part in prison ministry. Yup, God is indeed a God of surprises! I guess you can say my life has been full of transition, but I will also say that just as I change and grow and discover my life’s passions, with an open heart, and a struggling, yet desiring heart to draw closer to God and understanding the magnitude of this beautiful world (which includes each of the people God has created), God has been at my side, patient with me as I grow and continue to learn more about the needs of this world.
My ministry is not to help, rather my ministry lies with my intention – my intention to want to use my life to serve and be with others. Through my experiences, it is such a beautiful life to know that we may use our individual God-given gifts and talents to serve one another, near and far. I have found that I don’t need to change who I am. That’s not what is being asked of me. Rather, it’s that I agree to participate in my life and discover what energizes me and what gives me life. I think I found that, for now, but indeed, I am still a work in progress.
I would like to leave you with parts of a poem that helps me when I sometimes feel overwhelmed or helpless (this is by Archbishop Oscar Romero):
We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.
Thank you for being who you are, and please remember to treat Mr. Mansour with respect. You are a blessing to him, and you help make him a better person. Keep it that way.
With so much love and peace,
Ms. Crystal Catalan
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
caramel gets me every time.
soooo my mom bought caramel delites - the girl scout cookies. i don't think i've ever had them before in my life - i'm aware of samoas and trefoils and the tagalongs and like everything else...but never the caramel delites! anyway, they're so delicious that i had probably like 12 or 15 of them since i've been home. my mom specifically bought me these cookies.
BOOM. that's the problem. they're cookies!! totally gave it up for lent, and totally forgot. HAHAHA, oops? and if i recall, i definitely had some cookies at columbus that the sisters had bought too.
i feel like because they don't look like typical chocolate chip cookies or typical snickerdoodles that so normally catch my eye and tastebuds, that's why i didn't even think twice about the fact that they ARE cookies. ugh, but really?
haha, but now i know. so now, i wait. hmph! project lenten sacrifice fail. typical - i WOULD give in to the cookies. on accident though. :)
that is my confession.
BOOM. that's the problem. they're cookies!! totally gave it up for lent, and totally forgot. HAHAHA, oops? and if i recall, i definitely had some cookies at columbus that the sisters had bought too.
i feel like because they don't look like typical chocolate chip cookies or typical snickerdoodles that so normally catch my eye and tastebuds, that's why i didn't even think twice about the fact that they ARE cookies. ugh, but really?
haha, but now i know. so now, i wait. hmph! project lenten sacrifice fail. typical - i WOULD give in to the cookies. on accident though. :)
that is my confession.
ad maiorem Dei gloriam
Sister Grace would always say something along the lines of, everything happens in God's time, and God is always ontime.
This week, I had the blessed opportunity to be missioned to California to spread the word of Cabrini Mission Corps at my alma mater, USD, and at LA college, LMU. In addition, I get to volunteer at LA Congress for the 4th year in a row! woohooo! for that, I am grateful, and for that, I am super stoked to be here!
It has already been quite the whirlwind, since my 3 hour flight delay leaving la guardia airport on early saturday morning. mary had told me that she wanted to take me to the airport, and so we planned to leave at 7:45am...well, she came in at 8am, and i realized i was still in bed. oops! her, michelle, and i ventured to the airport, and why is parting so difficult! not a good set up for what is to come with the inevitable departure in june, but it was wonderful to be sent off by my sisters themselves.
after the hours of sitting on the runway, got on the plane, only to freak out and wonder if i would miss my connection - sure enough...time past, we were still on the runway, getting into the air, and it was my connection flight...about to leave...in chicago. awesome. i get to chicago only to find that that flight too was delayed - thank you Lord. get on the plane, sit on the runway for a little longer and i end up sitting next to a girl who is in her first year of college at john hopkins and she's from dana point, and right next to me is a 22 year old, who looks like she could be 30, and she's from alabama. we exchanged life stories (kinda), and at the end of it, she told me to wait to have a kid (she had one when she was 17), she told me about the book fireproof (a book on love), and said to have fun before i buckle down with anything. she asked me if i was engaged - i noticed her staring at my ring, but she would nonchalantly look away and looked kinda confused especially when i said no, but it was ok. she was visiting her marine husband in camp pendleton and was so antsy throughout the flight. meanwhile, i fell asleep with uncle jim's book in hand - the jesuit's guide to [almost] everything. woke up and we were descending. perfect!
it was great to be reunited with my mom and spend some time with her. sunday morning i got to sing at mass, and it was one of the funnest times i've ever had singing. it could have been the songs for that day, it could have been that i could actually see people singing along with the choir, but particularly, we got to sing lead me home by matt maher. that song resounded in my ears as i prepared for mission corps. it's on the "drive to work" playlist i would have on my ipod - it's what i would listen to when i would be driving to work in LA, wondering what's next for my life...we got to sing it, and i think i sang that pretty loud. my mom said she could hear me on the mic. that's always fun. haha, but i guess i'm pretty loud anyway. :) so i thought that was a totally unexpected blessing, and it helped me reflect on where i am, what i am doing, and affirmed me with joy through it all. all i thought about through mass was, disponibilita. how that resounded in my mind and in my heart? i have no idea, but i think the fact that there's portraits of some american saints, including mother cabrini, lined along the walls by the choir, facilitated those feelings a little bit. it got me excited!
driving down the 5 freeway to san diego, i had so many urges to to stop on the side of the road and take pictures. i didn't, cause i was just anxious to get out of my car and be in the city that helped shape who i was through college, but it was absolutely gorgeous. there were times when i was just thinking, i need mary and michelle in here - they need to see this! it was absolutely beautiful. i'm not someone for the outdoors, or nature, or anything of the sort, but i guess doing without the sun in new york really sharpens my senses of sunshine and yellow, here in southern california.
got to san diego and was greeted by ben and rochelle. loved catching up and loved hearing stories. then the other roomies came, and it was such a great time! i could not help but just listen, smile, affirm, and celebrate. we all went to mass at founders and i had the opportunity to talk with graduating seniors and other students after the mass to talk Cabrini Mission Corps placements and application process. the more i talked about it, the more excited i got to be a missioner. someone said, "it helps to have a face go with the program!" that made me happy cause i was like, phew! so my presence does matter. i got to see some of my freshman residents (when i was an RA) who are now seniors. why can they pick me up? crazy! i saw one of my students' sister, who attends USD and she was saying that she has yet to meet one dominican. i said, YUP. that's EXACTLY how i was, when i left southern california. i was still pretty convinced for short, i would call them dominican republican. yup, my worldview was completely off in that aspect...little did i know the beauty and the richness of that which is dominican up in the heights and in the world. so beautiful!
being in founders chapel was pretty nostalgic and surges of emotions just came over me the whole time. the altar, with jesus on the cross and the women all around him, was still more powerful than ever. this was the place where i loved, where i broke down, where i prayed, where i would run to in the middle of the night when i had nowhere else to go (i would usually drag someone with me cause i get scared of the dark...haha, figures), it's the place where we would celebrate God's love, where i had my embarrassing moment while singing at the cantor microphone in front of a whole congregation at the 7pm mass, where i saw healing, where affirmation resounded off the walls, and where as a community, we all were able to share in the celebration of mass, and masses intended for peace every wednesday night. this was a place where i got to see my best friends serve, and truly it's where i found some of my bestest friends.
woke up pretty early the next day and drove back to orange county, only to stop by coffee bean (to get my tropical passion tea latte fix - i've been going without it in new york!!), only to see alli from response ability!! crazy!! we did orientation together in philly and she is teaching in LA...why was she in san diego? she was visiting her cousin. crazy, small world! i love it. :)
drove home, walked the dogs, had my phone call with marie (my spiritual director in NY) to talk about the spiritual exercises for this week - i start the passion...here we go kids...it's all about to get tough. but i think i'm ready. and then headed off to the beach, for some crystal time - some much needed reflection time and just being.
earlier that morning, i got to have an impromptu hangout with one of my favorite priests. i talked to him about vocation, how he knew he wanted to be a religious, what his calling was like, and how he dealt with the whole loneliness factor. sure, this is different for everyone, but i figure the more perspectives i get, the more i learn, the greater my knowledge and understanding will be. we talked about some of the struggles that are common, especially when seeing a majority of friends getting married around you, and you, seeing that that is not your vocation, rather, that you may be an instrument in rejoicing and celebrating that couple's love.
he told me stories about how important it is to not look at the past, or the future, but to truly, truly stay in the present. sure, it is inevitable for memories to stay locked down in the back of our minds, and there are beautiful moments in the past and sad moments from the past that may resurface, but the temptation to dive into those parts can be dangerous. who knows what the future will hold? through this time, i felt like i was just externally processing my feelings of being home and what this experience looked like for me, and again, it was me thinking faster than what was truly presently happening...he told me something that my spiritual director has been telling me for the past two/three weeks of direction...have faith. what.a.concept.
my spiritual director, marie, also said that it's quite key that i'm here at home right now, in this particular time, and if anything, this is playing such a wonderful role in my discernment to continue mission [in the philippines]. she told me that i'm doing a great job, and i'm a few steps ahead of a lot older people that she works with, and she reminded me to trust myself. especially with my heart and passion for the philippines. she affirmed me, especially amidst all this transition that i have been experiencing since i decided to move to new york, and you know, when i take a step back and think about it, wow. this, IS crazy, but i think the best part, is that i could not imagine myself doing anything different right now - this is where i am called to be right now, and thank God for that. it's a beautiful life.
the missionary spirit...mother cabrini, you found it in me! i see it, i feel it, and it gets me every time. :)
and with that, i'm off to get ready for a cabrini mission corps info sesh at LMU.
This week, I had the blessed opportunity to be missioned to California to spread the word of Cabrini Mission Corps at my alma mater, USD, and at LA college, LMU. In addition, I get to volunteer at LA Congress for the 4th year in a row! woohooo! for that, I am grateful, and for that, I am super stoked to be here!
It has already been quite the whirlwind, since my 3 hour flight delay leaving la guardia airport on early saturday morning. mary had told me that she wanted to take me to the airport, and so we planned to leave at 7:45am...well, she came in at 8am, and i realized i was still in bed. oops! her, michelle, and i ventured to the airport, and why is parting so difficult! not a good set up for what is to come with the inevitable departure in june, but it was wonderful to be sent off by my sisters themselves.
after the hours of sitting on the runway, got on the plane, only to freak out and wonder if i would miss my connection - sure enough...time past, we were still on the runway, getting into the air, and it was my connection flight...about to leave...in chicago. awesome. i get to chicago only to find that that flight too was delayed - thank you Lord. get on the plane, sit on the runway for a little longer and i end up sitting next to a girl who is in her first year of college at john hopkins and she's from dana point, and right next to me is a 22 year old, who looks like she could be 30, and she's from alabama. we exchanged life stories (kinda), and at the end of it, she told me to wait to have a kid (she had one when she was 17), she told me about the book fireproof (a book on love), and said to have fun before i buckle down with anything. she asked me if i was engaged - i noticed her staring at my ring, but she would nonchalantly look away and looked kinda confused especially when i said no, but it was ok. she was visiting her marine husband in camp pendleton and was so antsy throughout the flight. meanwhile, i fell asleep with uncle jim's book in hand - the jesuit's guide to [almost] everything. woke up and we were descending. perfect!
it was great to be reunited with my mom and spend some time with her. sunday morning i got to sing at mass, and it was one of the funnest times i've ever had singing. it could have been the songs for that day, it could have been that i could actually see people singing along with the choir, but particularly, we got to sing lead me home by matt maher. that song resounded in my ears as i prepared for mission corps. it's on the "drive to work" playlist i would have on my ipod - it's what i would listen to when i would be driving to work in LA, wondering what's next for my life...we got to sing it, and i think i sang that pretty loud. my mom said she could hear me on the mic. that's always fun. haha, but i guess i'm pretty loud anyway. :) so i thought that was a totally unexpected blessing, and it helped me reflect on where i am, what i am doing, and affirmed me with joy through it all. all i thought about through mass was, disponibilita. how that resounded in my mind and in my heart? i have no idea, but i think the fact that there's portraits of some american saints, including mother cabrini, lined along the walls by the choir, facilitated those feelings a little bit. it got me excited!
driving down the 5 freeway to san diego, i had so many urges to to stop on the side of the road and take pictures. i didn't, cause i was just anxious to get out of my car and be in the city that helped shape who i was through college, but it was absolutely gorgeous. there were times when i was just thinking, i need mary and michelle in here - they need to see this! it was absolutely beautiful. i'm not someone for the outdoors, or nature, or anything of the sort, but i guess doing without the sun in new york really sharpens my senses of sunshine and yellow, here in southern california.
got to san diego and was greeted by ben and rochelle. loved catching up and loved hearing stories. then the other roomies came, and it was such a great time! i could not help but just listen, smile, affirm, and celebrate. we all went to mass at founders and i had the opportunity to talk with graduating seniors and other students after the mass to talk Cabrini Mission Corps placements and application process. the more i talked about it, the more excited i got to be a missioner. someone said, "it helps to have a face go with the program!" that made me happy cause i was like, phew! so my presence does matter. i got to see some of my freshman residents (when i was an RA) who are now seniors. why can they pick me up? crazy! i saw one of my students' sister, who attends USD and she was saying that she has yet to meet one dominican. i said, YUP. that's EXACTLY how i was, when i left southern california. i was still pretty convinced for short, i would call them dominican republican. yup, my worldview was completely off in that aspect...little did i know the beauty and the richness of that which is dominican up in the heights and in the world. so beautiful!
being in founders chapel was pretty nostalgic and surges of emotions just came over me the whole time. the altar, with jesus on the cross and the women all around him, was still more powerful than ever. this was the place where i loved, where i broke down, where i prayed, where i would run to in the middle of the night when i had nowhere else to go (i would usually drag someone with me cause i get scared of the dark...haha, figures), it's the place where we would celebrate God's love, where i had my embarrassing moment while singing at the cantor microphone in front of a whole congregation at the 7pm mass, where i saw healing, where affirmation resounded off the walls, and where as a community, we all were able to share in the celebration of mass, and masses intended for peace every wednesday night. this was a place where i got to see my best friends serve, and truly it's where i found some of my bestest friends.
woke up pretty early the next day and drove back to orange county, only to stop by coffee bean (to get my tropical passion tea latte fix - i've been going without it in new york!!), only to see alli from response ability!! crazy!! we did orientation together in philly and she is teaching in LA...why was she in san diego? she was visiting her cousin. crazy, small world! i love it. :)
drove home, walked the dogs, had my phone call with marie (my spiritual director in NY) to talk about the spiritual exercises for this week - i start the passion...here we go kids...it's all about to get tough. but i think i'm ready. and then headed off to the beach, for some crystal time - some much needed reflection time and just being.
earlier that morning, i got to have an impromptu hangout with one of my favorite priests. i talked to him about vocation, how he knew he wanted to be a religious, what his calling was like, and how he dealt with the whole loneliness factor. sure, this is different for everyone, but i figure the more perspectives i get, the more i learn, the greater my knowledge and understanding will be. we talked about some of the struggles that are common, especially when seeing a majority of friends getting married around you, and you, seeing that that is not your vocation, rather, that you may be an instrument in rejoicing and celebrating that couple's love.
he told me stories about how important it is to not look at the past, or the future, but to truly, truly stay in the present. sure, it is inevitable for memories to stay locked down in the back of our minds, and there are beautiful moments in the past and sad moments from the past that may resurface, but the temptation to dive into those parts can be dangerous. who knows what the future will hold? through this time, i felt like i was just externally processing my feelings of being home and what this experience looked like for me, and again, it was me thinking faster than what was truly presently happening...he told me something that my spiritual director has been telling me for the past two/three weeks of direction...have faith. what.a.concept.
my spiritual director, marie, also said that it's quite key that i'm here at home right now, in this particular time, and if anything, this is playing such a wonderful role in my discernment to continue mission [in the philippines]. she told me that i'm doing a great job, and i'm a few steps ahead of a lot older people that she works with, and she reminded me to trust myself. especially with my heart and passion for the philippines. she affirmed me, especially amidst all this transition that i have been experiencing since i decided to move to new york, and you know, when i take a step back and think about it, wow. this, IS crazy, but i think the best part, is that i could not imagine myself doing anything different right now - this is where i am called to be right now, and thank God for that. it's a beautiful life.
the missionary spirit...mother cabrini, you found it in me! i see it, i feel it, and it gets me every time. :)
and with that, i'm off to get ready for a cabrini mission corps info sesh at LMU.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Lent..CMC Style!
This is the first video I've ever created (with many more to come!)...no judgments please. Let the Spirit move in you as you watch it. :) Prayer.Fasting.Almsgiving. Three beautiful components of Lent. May this be a blessed season for you all! Enjoy!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
homie had no idea
then there was that one time that i was waiting by the bus stop in gramercy...waiting to meet up with JD of course...
i am double checking directions on my phone (obvs), look up, and i see a man running towards me along the street, and tries to swipe my phone right outta my hands...little did he know that i would scream SO LOUD in his face and run the opposite direction into the street.
straight up screamed, NOOOOO in his face. he didn't get the phone, the phone still remained tightly tucked in my right palm, he stopped, and said, "but you were scared, right?" laughed, then ran away.
do i think he would have given my phone back if he really got it? heck no. did he have any idea that i would scream so loud in his face? nope...in my mom's words, "i bet he didn't know you played little red riding hood and eponine in high school" (both of which were high screaming characters in into the woods and les mis)
it is a little hilarious though how tightly i held onto my phone...but if you know me, you know that my phone is pretty much an extension of my hands...therefore, no mercy, therefore, that ish is mine, therefore, hands off my stuff. this is the device that helps me talk to my mom. :)
and with this, i'm shakin' my head.
i am double checking directions on my phone (obvs), look up, and i see a man running towards me along the street, and tries to swipe my phone right outta my hands...little did he know that i would scream SO LOUD in his face and run the opposite direction into the street.
straight up screamed, NOOOOO in his face. he didn't get the phone, the phone still remained tightly tucked in my right palm, he stopped, and said, "but you were scared, right?" laughed, then ran away.
do i think he would have given my phone back if he really got it? heck no. did he have any idea that i would scream so loud in his face? nope...in my mom's words, "i bet he didn't know you played little red riding hood and eponine in high school" (both of which were high screaming characters in into the woods and les mis)
it is a little hilarious though how tightly i held onto my phone...but if you know me, you know that my phone is pretty much an extension of my hands...therefore, no mercy, therefore, that ish is mine, therefore, hands off my stuff. this is the device that helps me talk to my mom. :)
and with this, i'm shakin' my head.
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