reading our hearts :)

...final reflections from me, mary, and michelle on our mission year in new york (michelle's 2nd year, 1st year for me and mary!)...i thought it was really cool how we all ended our reflections with "thank you." :) so characteristic, that of course we would share a common thread in something! always!

even during moments of reflection during the year, i remember that most the time, all we could do was express our gratitude, and talk about all the blessings and graces we have received, from the MSCs, each other, our ministry sites, and from our brothers and sisters in new york city.

i think if we had our way, we would write pages upon pages of reflection on our mission year...but alas, we have learned (somewhat) how to be concise, and to save the rest for our personal journals and blogs :) ...which would always have some way of externally processing themselves at late night sessions about life, even though mish and i would have to be up at 5:30am every morning.

michelle talks about how "we all see each other as equals." one of the first things that came to my mind when she said that, was how during our orientation with the GSVs, when gina mentioned the "I <3 NY" idea...we proceeded to create our "WE <3..." posters...and of course, we all split up the duties equally...it was just so natural for us! and then, of course, once uncovering our enneagram numbers at the enneagram workshop many months later, it all made sense. hahaha head/heart/gut. wouldn't want it any other way! all i have to say is, having mary and michelle in my room certainly gives me motivation to clean my room. can't wait till we are reunited again. happy reading :) thanks for coming along with us this year!
2010 Mission Stories

falling is ok!

...feel free to jump around as you choose :)

I taekwondo
II my reflections on st. therese of lisieux
III couple of fave quotes by st. therese of lisieux
IV the closing of my day...

I taekwondo
i took my first taekwondo class today. YUP. haha, clearly, i have a lot of free time right now, before i start my ministry at SOSCFI on Thursday! sooo let's just say, for the time being, crystal is in the "exploration of baguio city" stage. :)

one of the young women i live with, takes taekwondo, so she invited me - especially because they were giving free lessons/tutorials for the next couple of days! so i went. the class was full of 12 year olds (most of them even younger!)...but they had some intense kicks in em! my kicking was way off, and for that hour and a half, i thought my legs were going to fall off. but i survived, met the instructor, and got to justify my unfortunate kicks to him, by telling him it was my first time (i'm pretty sure he could tell.)

luckily, he didn't point out in any more detail, when i fell on the mat. like, full on, FELL. i was kicking with my right, then i kicked with my left (i think way too fast), and before you knew it, both legs were in the air, and i remember realizing, crystal! you're gonna fall. it was like, a cartoon! i think we can compare it to wiley the coyote when he's running so fast, and then he runs off the cliff, but realizes he's not on the cliff anymore, then he looks straight at you, and then FALLS! yup, that's totally what happened to me. the instructor did NOT anticipate me falling like that, that's for sure! but then, i started kicking harder, cause i was like, oh HECK no. haha, i wanted to take advantage of letting out all of this energy! haha...the rest of the class, the children were showing me how to kick correctly. THAT was funny. oh how the tables have turned :)

haha, so THAT, was that! will i go again? haha, TBD. for sure.

on another note...i finished the book i was reading! woohoo! i have spent many of my afternoon/early evenings here, reading...i don't think i've ever read so much, seriously. but i find myself at starbucks (which has become my pseudo office). it's awesome because they have already begun to be familiar with my presence there, they know i will ask for hot water, and the security guard gives me a friendly hello. and no, not in a creepy way.

II my reflections on st. therese of lisieux
the book i just finished is on st. therese of lisieux. the little flower. the super inspirational patronness saint of missions. i picked up the book first at maryknoll training in new york, got to read about the first 10 pages, then i had to give it back, cause it was the end of the training. i then ordered it online, and could not put it down since! it's not her autobiography, but it is a collection of selected letters and poems. all i have to say, is that on more than 5 occasions, i had to put it down, cause i was like, stop it. i felt like the letters she wrote to either her sister or to her other companions, were directed towards me, and there was such a strong connection. i felt like she was talking to me! it was really cool - and so, st. therese is now one of my go-to saints. i know she's looking out for me, for sure. i'm pretty sure she has wanted me to discover her for a while now. :) and now that i am on mission in the philippines, i'm pretty sure she knows i need the back-up support, especially from above.

she discusses the bible passage where jesus is sleeping on the disciples' boat (one of my favorite stories from scripture), and they're freaking out - and in writing to her sister, she says, "your boat is on the open sea, already perhaps very close to port. the wind of sorrow that pushes it is the wind of love, and this wind is swifter than lightning..." she creates this beautiful illustration of jesus sleeping, and only wanting rest, but truly desiring rest in the hearts of the apostles, amidst the craziness of the weather, and the fear ensuing.

in one of her letters, she also discussed my favorite passage, "where your treasure is, there is your heart also." - we're totally friends. :)

i also discovered that st. therese wrote a poem called "saint cecilia" (the saint of music aka, my confirmation saint!) and she writes along with it,"as long as your lyre does not cease to sing for jesus, never will it break...no doubt it is fragile, more fragile than crystal. if you were to give it to an inexperienced musician, soon it would break; but jesus is the one who makes the lyre of your heart sound...he grants you his choice graces; if always you remain faithful in pleasing him in little things, he will find himself OBLIGED to help you in GREAT things." -- through any challenge, she saw it as an opportunity to fully abandon herself into jesus' hand, as his instrument, just as st. cecilia's story goes...she is also the saint of abandonment, along with being saint of music. :)

i wanted to give st. therese a hug when i read yet again, another one of my favorite scriptures in one of her letters, "we do not know how to ask for anything as we ought, but the spirit pleads within us with unutterable groanings (st.paul). we have, then, only to surrender our soul, to abandon it to our great God." Yessss!

i also liked when she talked about how difficult it was for her to pray the rosary...even though she was more than 100% fully devoted to the Blessed Virgin, she still had a very hard time focusing on each of the mysteries. i really liked her honesty in this - something that i can totally resonate with, and yet, i still try, just as she did!

III couple of fave quotes of st. therese of lisieux
...on missionaries: she also writes, "it seems to me all missionaries are martyrs by desire and will...if there remains in their soul at the moment of appearing before God some trace of human weakness, the Blessed Virgin obtains for them the grace of making an act of perfect love, and then she gives them the palm and the crown that they so greatly merited."

..on the Communion of Saints: "very often, without our knowing it, the graces and lights that we receive are due to a hidden soul, for God wills that the saints communicate grace to each other through prayer with great love, with a love much greater than that of a family, and even the most perfect family on earth. how often have i thought that i may owe all the graces i've received to the prayers of a person who begged them from God for me, and whom i shall know only in heaven." - i LOVE that.

and so, thank you st. therese of lisieux.

IV the closing of my day...
inspired, i finally started my prayer/quote wall, and i am looking forward to seeing it expand over the next couple of years. haha, crazy.

also, because i will be starting my ministry at SOSCFI on thursday, i took some time to go over my journal from MISO training, my papers, my notes, and some of the poems i wrote...oh yeah! and st. therese wrote lots of poetry too! how awesome is that! anyway, just from going over the materials from those two weeks and reflecting on them now, i am seeing such change in mentality, and it is very interesting to see how different i would answer some of those questions now. could it be that in this week and a half that i have been here in baguio city, i have already been changed? quite possibly, i would give a strong yes. that's pretty remarkable. not super extreme changes, but definitely changes that affect my way of transition, as i begin this time. it's pretty awesome, and i think it is also helpful and healthy for me to recognize it.

openness and cups of tea, and cups of milo (hot chocolate that is not really sweet, and so i add lots of brown sugar to it) every morning, and sleep, and unceasing prayer and faith, and keeping family and friends close to my heart everywhere i walk, and every time i get on a jeepney, i think i'll be good. :)

always lookin' up.

magandang bata (beautiful children)

the plan was to go to bed by 9:30pm, because i'm going with gretchen to the market tomorrow, so that i can start my responsibilities around the community (once i get to know where everything is!)..yeah, that's at 6am...but i figured, what a perfect time to reflect on this past day.

this morning, gretchen, ate jewel (ate is what you use when addressing a female older than you - it basically means older sister - it is a sign of respect, and filipinos are all about that. it is reflected in their language!), and i went to celebrate the liturgy of the word in a barangay called irisan. it is the largest barangay out of the 128 barangays in baguio city...the other night, gretchen and i put together a song sheet for the service today, we got copies made, and this morning, in the pouring rain (legit pouring rain!), we hopped in a taxi, picked up sr. terezhina and ate jewel who were waiting for us on the corner (perfect timing!) and headed out to the barangay. barangay is tagalog for town/neighborhood. :)

baguio city is so interesting - we were driving, and driving, in the taxi of course, and i knew baguio city was in the hills, and i knew i lived in the hills, but like, it is so mountainous! the next thing you know, we make a left into some random area, and the next thing you know, we are straight up off-roading...down the hill. ok, here we go!

we eventually come to a stop a couple of rocky roads later, and set up the room where we were going to be celebrating the liturgy. the room is part of someone's home, and i remember when i first walked in, i was like, ok, cool, so like 8 people will surely join us. well, as soon as we started, i was sitting there, thinking, how the heck did we all of a sudden fit 15 people in here? haha, with enough space, and breathing area, the place was packed - with goodness and singing souls. we practiced the songs, and then sr. terezhina provided the homily and we all got to read a portion of the readings. the children were all in front too. it was super cute!

when we finished, we got to speak with the community members, ate some bananacue, and then went home. but what did we do? why were we there?

for the people who live in this barangay, to get from where they live, to town (where the churches are), they would have to take two jeepneys to get there, and then that would be two more jeepneys to get back. each ride is 7.50 pesos, so that would be 30 pesos round trip, per person, which is...about $0.65 by the american dollar standards...well, the majority of the members of the community do not have that money available for them (especially to bring their children too!), but they would still like the opportunity to attend church. and so, that is where sr. t, gretchen, ate jewel, and i came in...we helped provide music, we reflected, and we prayed. in community.

sitting in that room, looking at my surroundings, hearing the rain pour down so quickly on the tin roofs, hearing the ilocano dialect spoken outside, and looking at the children listening so attentively, i reflected a lot on one of the first masses we had at the maryknoll international service orientation - where there was varying tension among the group with regards to uneasiness with the way the mass was presented/celebrated. that day, we talked in depth about inculturation, and learning different practices of catholic priests in different countries. i loved it, and i thought it was very exciting to experience something different!

well, this morning in the barangay, we did not have a mass. we did not have a priest, we did not have eucharist, we did not have a main altar. this morning, we had plastic chairs full of warm bodies, we had a liturgy of the word service celebrated by sr. terezhina, with participation from everyone there, we reflected on jesus dwelling in us, and next to the tv, we had two super skinny candles which shockingly lasted the whole hour, and a small crucifix with jesus, wrapped in plastic of course (from the shrine of manaoag! i was happy because i saw the sticker, and i was like, ah! i've been there!)... and i knew the holy spirit was in that room. and i knew jesus was sitting among us. and i knew God was pleased.

our closing song was shine jesus shine, and even though it was raining outside, our room was bright - there were smiles, there was graciousness in the air, and there was fellowship after. this was their mass. baby steps, and hopefully we can soon bring consecrated hosts to them. but, baby steps. :) one of the women told sr. terezhina that she believes God sent her to that community - despite language barriers, sr. t brought to life, and was able to communicate, that we are all missionaries by our baptism...and as hard as it is sometimes to get up in the morning, we will be given the strength to do whatever it is we need to do...

today was very much in line with lao tzu's quote: "go to the people. live with them. learn from them. love them. start with what they know. build with what they have. but with the best leaders. when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say, 'we have done this ourselves.'"

we do not go to shove catechism their way, rather, it is sharing, there is community involvement, community participation, and there is support that we help provide. but truly, leaders will start to arise, there will no longer be the need for us to read, the community members will discover their gifts and talents with music, and then they will be able to say, "we have done this ourselves."

it's a pretty amazing thing - the key is: go to the people. but that's sometimes the hardest thing too. to just...go.

i'm glad i went. and i'm glad i'm here. :) one day, at a time.

the awakening universe

Connections. They’re wonderful, they’re great. It was only supposed to last no more than an hour, entering the meeting/place without expectation, and boom. The next thing you know, it’s 5 hours later, and I had stayed with enough to keep me busy…two meriendas (snacks) which consisted of super tasty sweet bread and coffee, some oranges, and a delicious lunch shared with the staff, administration, a maryknoll father, a maryknoll sister, and 4 seminarians. It was absolutely amazing! An hour of that time was spent at the Maryknoll Ecological Sanctuary. YUP. Crystal and nature. Crazy as it sounds…I LOVED IT. I loved EVERY part of it, and it may just be in that Sanctuary that I discovered my appreciation for nature and the universe. Woohoo! We’re making progress, people!

so, let me back up. during the maryknoll international service orientation that i attended way back when (haha, seems forever long ago!), one of the workshop leaders had spent quite some time serving in mindanao with the maryknolls, as a lay missioner. well, when he found out i was going to the philippines, he provided me with wonderful contacts! i was very happy about that. i decided to reach out to them, and the next thing you know, my contact already knew the cabrini community, and she had already heard of my coming! it was so great!

so i took a cab over to the maryknoll site, walked around the grounds, took a tour of the whole ecological center which focuses on environmental education, while incorporating the arts and spirituality. it's a really neat place.

at this ecological sanctuary, in the garden, there are about 14 "cosmic stations" which take you to individual stops on this "cosmic journey." this journey is located all up in the hills of the maryknoll ecology sanctuary, and you experience the "different moments in the unfolding of the earth." it was created to capture the essence of interconnectedness among all beings and creations on earth. basically, it is a story of how everything came to be.

the cosmic journey
you begin your "journey" or your "walk" by ringing the bell, marking the beginning of your journey - so you may say a prayer if you will. i can't even describe how awesome everything was and how large and expansive these grounds were. i seriously felt like i was in a rainforest the whole time. the trees were creating canopies, and there was just life, EVERYWHERE. one of my favorite stations was the "dinosaurs on the scene" station, where there was this statue of a large egg, and inside, a makeshift baby dinosaur. this is to symbolize the parental love that the dinosaurs had and set the foundation for...once the dinosaurs were extinct, the mammals then came to the earth, and here too, we see the mammals nourishing their newborn offspring.

then! there was a bird station, and that was awesome because there was this HUGE nest on the floor, made of twigs, leaves, all random stuff, and as tours go by, the kids are instructed to add twigs and leaves, to symbolize their contribution to creation and to perpetuate this cycle of growth. it was cool cause there was also a bird carved in the trees! a couple of stations later, there was a cave, to show the development of early humans living in caves. then, in the burial cave that they created in the Sanctuary, they had a depiction of a hanging coffin (native people in the northern part of the cordilleras, especially, believed that the spirit would be more free and feel more liberated through a hanging coffin, rather than being buried), and they also had the depiction of the "manunggul burial jar" which "represents the journey of life to death and the profound and noble human quality of helping each other through life's difficult and transforming moments." this jar was such a huge discovery back in the 1960s, that the original jar is now in the National Museum in Manila.

back then, native people would use these burial jars to either bury their young, or, in the event where someone had died 5 years ago or something of the sort, the body would then be dug up, bones would be washed and cleaned, and then the bones would be placed in the jar. that kinda thing. so interesting!

there was an awesome bridge we walked on - i seriously thought i was gonna fall. like, there was possibility there...and then there was this huge hut symbolizing the creation of communities and villages, and then, there were my last two favorite stations!

station number 1 (station #13)
it was the emergence of the religious traditions - they had the major religions represented, judaism (complete with a wailing wall, where you could insert your prayers), islam (with a minaret), buddhism (with a buddha), christianity (jesus on the cross) - it was so beautiful. each religion had their own area, and there was also an area with a statue that just symbolized "the awakening," or rather, the place where you can contemplate/reflect on, the meaning of life! i know, awesome. :)

station number 2 (station #14)
this station was the bio-shelter! it was awesome! it's located near the home of the sisters, and it is operated through solar energy, and the natural lighting in the place was just amazing. so beautiful! not to mention, super close by, was the sisters' quarters...and i got to see their rooms. i'd never seen anything like it! in each room, there is a staircase, leading up, and when you go up the skinny stairs, you have your own little closed off sanctuary area, to pray! and it was cool because there would be 3 in a section, and so, the ceilings would all meet at a point, but they were individually closed off, for your own prayer space. like, amazing. i was just thinking, wow, so many places to put pictures and fun quotes! haha!

sooooo i think that tour that i did not even anticipate going on, lasted for a couple hours or so. the grounds were that huge!

at the entrance of the house is the form of a lizard made with the rocks on the floor. tita explained to me that lizards can be found almost anywhere - on baskets, in artwork, on many items here in the cordilleras, and the reason for that, is because the lizard is seen as a sign of transformation, and they are good at chasing rats, and eating mosquitoes. haha, when she told me the transformation part, i was like, ok, so mr. lizard man in my room is clearly aware of this new inhabitant of his space, thus, the transformation i am undergoing! so that was kinda cool. :) now i see mr. lizard man more as a symbol of transformation, change, and renewal (symbolic of this due to the changing of their colors) and what a good symbol he will stay. i also learned that at 6am and 6pm, the lizards kiss the ground. there's a filipino story behind it - i just don't know it off the top of my head!

i learned so much at the maryknoll center today - not just about the earth and the environment, but also about the cordilleras region (which includes baguio), the story of the native people, i got to interact with people who i felt SO comfortable with, even when they would speak ilocano, and it's crazy, but in a way, i felt like i was having an orientation (to baguio city) with them! they answered some of the questions i had, they gave me tips, they basically told me that i am part of their family and i am welcome to come at any time! it was so fun! they also have a BEAUTIFUL labyrinth in the middle of the blacktop - it's in the shape of a flower. when i saw it, i was like, omg, i love it!

i also learned that tagalog means: taga (from), ilog (river), so that's why the universal language of the philippines is tagalog - because the philippines is surrounded by water, and therefore, the language is called tagalog. and yes, there are hundreds of dialects spoken all throughout the philippines! and when we say "opo" to say yes or to confirm something with another person, as a sign of respect, the reason behind that, is it comes from "Panginoon," which means "God/Lord" in tagalog. so that's interesting too. such a religious-oriented country!

i was so happy with my time spent at maryknoll. one of my highlights there, was sharing with them the video i made, from my visit to the Maryknoll Museum. i think they really enjoyed it, and i told them how important it was for them to see that their work, even as administrators, plays such a big role in this whole realm of mission. haha, it was hilarious - they were like, you're so contaminating! you have such contagious laughter! you brought laughter to us! haha, i was ilke, ok, let's not say contaminate. let's just stick with contagious. haha, they also said that i'm good at teaching, so that's cool. response ability training last year definitely paid off! i was so gracious to them for their wonderful hospitality and warm hearts. they even asked me to pray for our meal - the delicious meal that the father prepared for us, and with legit longanisa from pangasinan - complete with toothpicks and everything!

my day was packed with goodness. i then met a christian missionary from northern carolina who had been here for 22 years now, i did NOT sing karaoke, and all in all, i was pretty productive today.

and now - time to rest. running in the am! hahaha...i know. who would have EVER thought.

i also saw legit limestone in the far off distance today at maryknoll, and i vaguely saw the south china sea - vague, because of the fog layer. all very cool environmental stuff, that i usually don't even think twice about, but am now totally inspired by!

thank you Lord, for yet again, another community that I am a part of on this island. woohoo!

lizard: seriously staring at me right now.

 

Today was a wonderful day. Yup, I said it! it is amazing how truly, truly, consolation from desolation – it is not a joke my friends. It is certainly a legit statement and truth. Now, timing, our timing, my impulsiveness timing, that’s something different.

I started off my day again with some delicious taho, with the man all happy with his big eyes, that I was going to buy some of his taho again. When he finished filling my mug, he was like, “ tomorrow, again?” obviously, I said yes. BUT I’m gonna need to not get this everyday, because as it stands, I am eating two breakfasts. The taho is a treat, and then later I eat some bread to hold me for the morning…sooooo yeah, that needs to be assessed. I just thought it was pretty awesome that he came exactly at 6:30am just like I had instructed him yesterday, and he definitely rang the doorbell. Hahaha. Gotta love the Philippines.

And then, I got to skype with my director, Gina. And of course, it was good, it was perfect, and being an external processor, it was nice to have that opportunity, to re-connect, and hear her great wisdom and advice during my time of transition and adjustment to my mission here in baguio city. As I began my paperwork to get the ball rollin’ on all the logistical stuff related to actually being in a foreign country, the next thing you know, I get connected with a maryknoll affiliate out here, and it’s going to be great! The connections are stacking up, and things are starting to look up. Woohoo! YES. I know, what a breakthrough! Go me and God’s timing that I so often struggle in trusting in.

The next thing you know, I’m on my way to my mission site, made it safely there on my own, using two jeepneys, and the next thing you know, I am eating lunch with my staff (kids weren’t coming in) – tuyo (pronounced tu-YO [accent on the o]) which is fish, but like, smelly fish. Haha, like, I’m talking, when my mom or my aunts/uncles would cook this in the states, all the windows and doors would be open, cause the smell carries. Hahaha! I know, awesome. I met some of the staff workers, exchanged some stories, met the director of the Foundation, got some logistical stuff taken care of…and the next thing you know, I am sitting across the table from Sr. Romy. God is good. Perfect, perfect timing.

She was reading the newspaper, and I basically sat down, and was like, Sr. Romy, we need to talk. But, I might need some tissue. She goes to the paper towel roll, and she’s like, a small one? or a big one? she looks at me, and she’s like, ok, a big one. So I sat, and I just said, Sr. Romy, I want you to talk to me about transition.

We exchanged stories – she’s been all over, moving from mission to mission, and her warm, gentle spirit was just so overwhelmingly perfect, calming, and soothing. I felt like my jaw was just open the whole time, taking in everything she was saying. It was so perfect. Then, Sr. T came into the kitchen, she was gonna get some food, and her wonderful self sat down, and she talked more about this – she too, provided me with so much goodness to take away with me, and sit with…

These sisters are so inspiring, so legit, just so good, and for what ended up being an hour and a half conversation, the grace was all around:

• give me time. Don’t rush me.
• sometimes we might expect 10 people to come to a program we put on. But you know what? if there’s only 2, sit with the 2.
• JUST LIVE.
• TAKE TIME.
• The consolation lies in seeing and feeling how God speaks to you.
• SEE/DISCERN/ACT – see the people, see the reality, pray for the people
• ACCEPT the TRANSITION

Being both Brazilian sisters, I asked them, so do you speak to Portuguese to one another? That was after I mentioned to them I’m reading Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Frerrie…and in unison, pounding their fists on the table, they said, “no! we need to learn Tagalog!” it was amazing! I loved that moment. Haha!

I eventually left, and I think I skipped my way on over to a taxi. The next thing you know, I end up at the mall. I know, I know. I get a little snack, look around at all the people, watch them all walk by, and watch them ALL text, and as I’m walking to the escalator, I see a cd store…with what? That’s right, a MAGIC sing (filipino karaoke system that scores you. Basically, 1 out of 3 Filipino families own one or have a brother or sister who do). Soooo naturally, I flock over because I see someone singing…and well, I have not sung in a while, and that is a release for me…and soooo, the next thing you know, I’m singing Open Arms in the store. Haha, YUP. It brought me back to my karaoke singing days in the random stores in Marikina – sooo why not in Baguio? The security guard starting singing along with me in the microphone and he kept telling me to sing…and I still had time, so I proceeded with I Will Survive (the people in the store were dancing!), then busted out my American tagalong skills and sang, Nandito Ako. Hahaha…I walked away from the store after a good 25 minute singing sesh, and bid them farewell.

It was hilarious because in the other video store, the guy selling the MAGIC sing system was definitely singing Jai Ho from Slum Dog Millionaire. I didn’t even know that could even be a karaoke song – but hey, anything goes! Clearly! Haha, I laughed by myself as I walked. Haha, it was unfortunate, but I was like, am I the only one who thinks that is not normal?

Got home, watched one of my community members make adobo, fried rice, and some vegetables, prayed with the community, thennnnnn played two rounds of skip-bo. Seriously, I am the only one who has NOT won a game yet. it’s starting to become a personal situation. A sad, personal situation! I must redeem myself.

And, to conclude. Yes, I woke up this morning, and BOOM lizard straight up staring at me on one of the walls. AHHHHH!!! If you know me, you know, I absolutely loathe, do not love the outdoors, creepy crawly things, or anything of the sort. And of course, earlier tonight, the lizard definitely moved to the other wall. HOWEVER! I will say, my mom always told me they were good luck. BUT, I think she made that up. next story though, is that they’re good because they eat mosquitoes. YES.

Seriously though, I’m gonna need to put vinegar next to my bed. This whole mosquito situation is beginning to not be a good situation. You know, the problem is, is that I need to be one with the animal situation out here in the Philippines…otherwise, shoot…I don’t even know what I’ll do.

Lastly…

Sr. Terez provided me with a beautiful image on transition and moving from place to place. I’ll try my best to explain it – it’s just good hearing her say it too though, cause she has like, umph when she talks. Haha!….so we are trees, and just as we have our roots exactly where we are, sometimes we get moved from an old place to a new place, and when this happens, our roots too get re-organized and must be firmly planted in their new place. Well…how will it grow? We must water it, give it nutrients, provide it with sunlight, and boom, the tree can grow again. And so, give me time. don’t rush me. That’s me talking to myself – using the words that Sr. T would say, and so she shared that with me.

Sr. Romy told me, you’re not gonna do everything in one day, it’s not gonna happen so fast – it’s going to take months, maybe longer. Take one day at a time.

I’m starting to see a theme here. I’m so thankful for the people around me! Seriously, is it possible that prayers get answered so quickly? Well, I guess when I reach out to the right people, it kinda just happens that way. And God, well God knows what we [I] need. Thank You for that. Now that’s pretty cool.

sr. toni told me to CHILL.

 

Sooo, after a series of breakdowns – enough was enough. I needed to get out, walk around, and get outside (put away any fears I have, be open, seek out the culture, but still be cautious about where I go, where I walk, who I make eye contact with…that type of stuff). I have found that everywhere I walk, every time I walk, I am praying. I have heard the expression, “pray with your feet,” multiple times, but this time, it is taking on a new meaning for me. Now, my prayers as I walk, are about safety as I travel – as I get on a jeepney, as I get into a taxi, as I walk across the road…safety. I’ve never been so cautious before – I think just because everywhere I walk, I feel eyes staring at me…clearly, I dress differently, and I just look different – definitely not from around this area, and so, caution, always praying and walking with caution.

I went to SM today and walked. Walked, walked, went into probably every store that seemed of remote interest to me – even if it didn’t, it was nice to see what was being sold, and how prices compare to the US. Such difference, well, especially with the exchange rate of about 46/47 pesos to the dollar. Everything is just weighed so differently…EVEN sizes. For example…

I bought a pair of sandals, just for everyday use, and clearly my feet are huge in comparison to others here. Heck, even in comparison to the average feet size over in the US! So what did I have to do? Yup. I had to go for the men’s sizes. It’s ok, I’m secure with that – I’ve dealt with this before. Luckily they were just random rubber slippers that can be easily made unisex. The women at the store helping me to search for my size were definitely laughing at/with me! It was just another internal laughing moment for me, where I realized, girl. you’re like huge compared to your filipino peeps!

When I went to SM Baguio, I saw a Caucasian-looking guy, so naturally I had to ask where he was from. He said he was from Scotland. He then asked me, where are you from? I said Cailfornia, and he responded by saying…I figured you’re from the States. You’re the 2^nd person to ask me that today! Haha, oh well, it was just a funny moment.

And I will admit this…later in my exploration of SM, I went to…Starbucks. I know, I know. Crystal, I’m really glad you went to Baguio City on mission, so that you could go to Starbucks. Haha, but you know what? Starbucks is different from the Starbucks in the US, that’s for sure. The snacks are more ethnic, if you will, and I noticed that it was a hub for foreigners. Haha, lots of Korean talk, Caucasian people situated at tables with other Filipinos, and then there was me. I sat down, and saw two people talking about YouTube videos. They looked friendly, and never before doing this, but clearly I was craving conversation, I just said, “hey, do you guys know of any gyms around here?” and no, it was not a pick up line, but they looked kinda like fit people – figured I should ask!

Turns out, one of the guys was a nursing student from Vancouver. He’s Filipino-Canadian, in the sense that he was born in the Philippines, moved to Canada when he was 10, and is back in the PI for nursing school – he was in his first year. He told me he’s been here 6 months, and he’s still not used to the way of living over here. He’s like, on a more personal note, I know I don’t know you, but I had to go to therapy out here! I was like, oh no, why? He’s like, cause I got pick-pocketed, and so right after, I went home, called my mom and told her I wanted to move home. He’s like, so just be careful. And so, I continued my, definitely be cautious everywhere you go! Consider myself warned! This goes for life anywhere, but especially in new lands I’m not 100% used to, yet! But even then, cuidado siempre.

It’s always nice to hear from family and friends back at home, and I try to spend some mornings catching up on that stuff, especially since I am up at like 6am…speaking of!!

So, my favorite breakfast ever is taho, which is soybean “flaps” hahaha and sweet sauce like brown sugar status, and sago (which are like boba balls). I know, it does not sound delicious, but it is my absolute favorite. Everytime I come to the Philippines, whenever I would wake up and go downstairs for breakfast, my aunt or my grandparents would always have a mug full of it ready on the table, waiting for me. WELL, I have been waiting every morning to hear the man outside, walk by, and say…TAHOOOOOOOO. (accent on the o, if you’re trying to pronounce it!), and well, he has not been coming!

So this morning, one of the young women here saw that I was clearly disappointed YET again, that my taho man did not walk by. I was like, it’s already 7am! Where is he? And so 10 minutes later, she runs in, and she’s like, Crystal! Come outside! And what happens? The man with his taho is waiting at our gate, and says, “good morning!” and I was like, SO excited!! I grabbed a mug, and he filled it. usually they provide the taho in their plastic cups, but because I like a lot (the American part of my identity – yes, I said it), I pay extra to get the full servings in a mug. Hahaha. I then told him to come tomorrow around 6:30am and I’ll get some again. Seriously, I think starting my day off with this just makes things 10 times better. 10 times.

So that, my friends, that is LOVE right there from one of my community members. I was like, girl! how did you find him? I didn’t hear him! She’s like, I ran across the way, to find him. “na awa ko sa’yo kasi.” In english, that means, “because I felt bad for you.” She’s like, you have always been waiting for him, and you haven’t gotten it yet! so nice. SO nice. It’s the little things, that are big things. Wonderful.

As for me, St. Anthony has become a really cool saint in my life here, and I am finding that I am calling on all the saints a lot more now. Haha, St. Jude at times, not gonna lie. St. Anthony has been pulling through – not just in finding material things, but also in recovering parts of me that seem to be running dry or lacking its full. I think it’s also helping that I’m feeling the prayers and feeling the love of family and friends from the US – just waiting for the grace to feel that here in Baguio City, as I continue my adjustment in transition.

Mission is just so interesting – I don’t even know what word I can insert for “interesting.” There are the whole openness and willingness factors to get on the plane and move to a foreign land to be, to serve, and to minister, and that’s tough enough, and then there’s the whole adjustment period of every emotion possible stirring in you (me) at once. Did not think that was even possible – but I am reminded that when being in a new place – a place especially in an international setting, I am ten times more vulnerable, and at the same time, more susceptible to magnifying moments or feelings that I have and are experiencing, just because of my internal transition to the sights, the smells, the things I come into contact with everyday. Everything is magnified times 30 and just as at least 3 people have already told me in the past 24 hours…be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, that is what I am striving to do.

Before I left, Sr. Archangel reminded me, be yourself. All you can do is do your best – what more can you give?

And with that, my friends, I know God is with me on this mission. Mother C has my back, no doubt. I continue to reflect on how girlfriend went from place to place, leaving some of her Sisters behind, as she went off to a new place, only to be rejected, and not always greeted with the warmest of hearts, but she did her thing, and she had total trust – Philippians 4:13, without fail, and without condition.

I am feeling solidarity with Jesus, Mother C, and my fellow missioners around the world, and one of my friends told me in her email the other day (from a homily she heard this past Sunday), “God is on the mountain. You’re making a difficult climb, but it will be so rewarding when you get to the summit.”

I’m never alone on my mission. Good thing – cause, I would not make it. Welcome to the beginning stages of my life here. Thanks for reading!

this will be my evening...

i have no agenda tonight, but the following:

Sit quietly in your cute room. Sit cross legged on the bed and close your eyes. then think real hard and make yourself see the Columbus community dining room at 5:30 pm, just in time for dinner. Pick a chair and start telling us all of your experiences since you arrived in Baguio. the good, the scary and the crazy - like the guy doing you know what and the roosters coocooing at some ungodly hour. Then listen to us listen to you and comment and laugh and empathize with you. See how that plays out and let me know how you feel after that!

Be patient with yourself.

sr. toni, THANK YOU. so wise and so good.

listen to your heart...and the roosters.

 ** i apologize for the formatting - i type it out in word and then save it on a USB and then upload it to the computer. quite the process - but you gotta do what you gotta do...and therefore, i am in the process of learning what works/what doesn't. gotta love transition! enjoy!

The time is…5:30am. Yes, I have been tossing and turning, awake since 4:30am, due to the fact that the ROOSTERS have been doing their little wake up calls – but NOT so little wake up calls. I have since found a pattern…one rooster goes, then the other one in the far off distance goes, and then the DOGS start barking! And then, of course, all of the jeepneys and cars start coming, and then with that, are the people that are talking and goin’ doing their thing. I guess it helps that I can’t really understand some of the people as they talk because they are speaking some Filipino dialect other than Tagalog (so, my mind does not even attempt to eavesdrop), but the point is…is that it is 5:30am, and I am so awake right now. Uh oh. The roosters have not stopped – and so, the pattern continues! Oy vey.

It is Sunday morning, and we arrived here Friday afternoon. Let me fill you in on everything since my departure from LAX on Wednesday afternoon at 1:40pm via Asiana Airlines.

TRAVEL

Get on the plane at LAX and to my joy – there was no one assigned to the seat between me and the other girl to the left of that seat…which meant, MORE ROOM!! Woohoo! I was sooo happy, to the girl two seats away, I was like, woohoo! There’s no one that is assigned here! I’m so happy! The Korean girl next to me (we had a stopover in Seoul) was like, yeah, it seems like it. Then she put in her headphones. Haha, oh well, not much of a chatty cathy, but I was very excited about this extra space I had just acquired. After 12 hours on the plane, I think I slept for 10 of those hours, waking up only to eat. HAHA, pretty amazing – I think I was exhausted from all of the days prior, leading up to departure day. After that, we had a stopover in Seoul (we, being me and Sr. Bernadette – we met up at LAX at the gate!), got to watch the sunset from the airport, then boarded the plane for a 4 hour plane ride to Manila.

We got to Manila, and guess what…on the plane…no one next to me again! So wonderful! It was either Jesus or Mother Cabrini who decided to come on the ride with me, and definitely demand that space. Anyway, we got to Manila, and as we were walking, this man was holding up a sign saying, “Crystal Catalan.” I later learned this was my aunt’s friend who works at the airport with her and he put us in a special line to get through to immigration faster. Woohoo! He helped us get our luggage, I saw my aunt, we zipped through customs like you wouldn’t believe, and then my aunt took us to St. Pius Center where we spent the night…I slept for about 3 hours that night, after dealing with trying to get in touch with Victory Liner – the bus service that was going to take us to Baguio in the morning.

The problem was that, there was no message left at the front desk at the Center, and so we were like, uhhh we’re just gonna have to deal with this in the morning – but there was supposed to be a message saying that our reservations are all set for the bus. But you know what, it was late, and so we were like, let’s just deal with this later! So woke up around 5ish, dawdled, took a cold shower – prayed the whole time ALOUD, cause I was FREEZING, and then got to church at 7am at St. Maria Goretti Parish. Loved it! THEN! I had my first breakfast on my own…I had longanisa (sweet sausage), egg, and rice – my absolute favorite meal ever. I was still hungry (cause their portions are super small), I had to go back and get another longanisa and a hot dog. Super healthy. I know.

It was cool because Sr. Bernadette made it to mass, but I ate by myself and 10 other Filipinos enjoying their breakfast too. We got in touch with Victory Liner (woohoo!) and our reservations were indeed all set. Yes! I called my Aunt, who then called her driver and my uncle to pick us up and take us to Victory Liner – that way, we would not have to take a taxi. Then…we went to Jollibee, and I got to introduce this fabulous place to Sr. Bernadette! Yesss! I love the YUM burgers!

Then, we boarded the Victory Liner…and 6 hours later, with two RANDOM ewan mcgregor movies playing on the bus (The Island and I Love You, Philip Morris – yes, BOTH very awkward movies that I do NOT recommend), we made it to Baguio! And so I brought my two suitcases, my bag and my backpack…and here I was!

CASA CABRINI

Our community is called Casa Cabrini – I was greeted by some of the young women that live here (college women) and they helped me with my baggage! By help, I mean, literally took the suitcases out of my hand, and placed them in my room – as heavy as they were, up the stairs and everything! So hospitable! Meanwhile, I was on the phone with Sr. R and chatting it up with Sr. T. We had dinner together, and then we had prayer. In a sense, I feel like I am back in Maher or Missions B, in a residence hall. Not that I’m an RA at all, but it brought me back to those two faith-filled community years at USD, except this time, every night we have our “prayer night,” instead of our weekly RLC. I live with Sr. Bernadette and 5 other young women – the commitment in living here, is that there is prayer at night, and of course dinner, but due to our schedules, we understand that that may not be every night.

So yes, exactly – this is like living in community at Columbus in NY, but instead of being with 4 or 5 sisters at prayer, there’s Sr. Bernadette, and the rest, 20-something year old women. It’s pretty awesome – they want to learn more English, so they try to speak English as much as possible, and well me, I want to learn more Tagalog, so I try to bust it out whenever I can!

MY SPACE

My bed is comfy, I finally moved everything in, and in its place – I have so much empty space in my closets, it’s crazy! I look outside, and I can see the ROOSTER in clear view (the one that wakes me up at 4:30 every morning – well, it’s only been like 2 nights, so I’ll try not to be so dramatic), and then there’s apartments…and they’re already blasting music.

The home has enough rooms for everyone that lives here, and it’s very home-y. there are also at least two glass sailboats in the community – I like them because they definitely serve as a constant reminder of Mother Cabrini’s dedication and faithful commitment to mission.

MY FIRST FULL DAY

Woke up, walked around the barangay (neighborhood) with one of the girls here…learned that strawberries are ALL around (though they’re super tiny), and there are definitely trees and plants everywhere! Never thought I would live in such a tropical place, but boom, here we go! Oh, ew, just saw a man peeing outside. Yeah, that happens a lot too.

Anyway, we walked around, and then had breakfast – I made a hotdog sandwich. Cheese, cut up hotdog and bread. HAHA…helped her think of some icebreaker games for her mathematics club meeting she had later that afternoon, unpacked my room, went on a walk with Sr. Bernadette, and then made my first meal….fried rice and egg. HAHA…I think I was really craving garlic or something, cause I was busting out the garlic in the pan with the rice, like no other and accidentally put too much soy sauce. Oops. The egg was pretty unfortunate too, but I think I’ll get better. THEN…I took a 3 hour nap. That was NOT supposed to happen. Saw that all the girls were home, ate dinner, and then Sr. Bernadette surprised the girls with gifts that she brought back with her! It was so cute to see how excited they got! There is definitely a difference with 20-something year olds in the PI vs. in the States. They made a huge game over here about how to decide who gets what gift, and then when they got their gifts, they kept jumping up and down. It was so exciting to watch! I wish I had it on film…maybe next time!

Then, Sr. Bernadette’s house gift was SKIP-BO – the card game. We ended up playing two rounds as a community, and then we called it a night at like 9:45pm. Well, one of the girls really wanted to win, and well, I did too, and so we played just both of us together, and sure enough, she won. I was ok with that. haha!

NEW DAY

And now…it is a new day. Welcome…to my life, for now – until I begin my site placement! Exciting!

THOUGHTS

I still can’t believe I live in the Philippines now – it still doesn’t seem real. Except when I was taking a shower with a bucket, and I was like, soooo I live in the Philippines. There are definitely not as many bugs as there are in Manila, so I am very thankful for that – though I have like 3 bites, that’s not bad. Before my computer was working, I had to be creative and so I was listening to my ipod and put it on shuffle cause I was hurtin’ to hear some music – and what song, out of my 2800 songs came on? Listen To Your Heart…YUP. That’s the song that pretty much helped ignite this whole missionary situation in my life, and so, what a great reminder!

I am really trying out this whole “just be” thing – even moreso, now that I am in a culture/country that exercises this DAILY. I thought I got pretty good at that last year, at times, but now, I have no choice. And so, I must be…when I close my eyes and just listen, I think of the “theater of the oppressed” exercises we did at MISO training – one, that specifically was based on hearing and listening, alone. There are SO many noises here, wow. All a part of my experience – there’s a lot going on, even at 6 in the morning. And of course, I am wide awake.

HILARIOUS

One of the funniest thing that happened yesterday is…Sr. Bernadette’s favorite food is ice cream. ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. Absolute favorite.

Anyway, I come downstairs, and she’s like, Crystal, so I wanted to get some ice cream, and well, open the freezer, and take out the case. So I was holding the ice cream container, and she’s like, well, put it down first. So I did, and I opened it, expecting, obviously to find ice cream, and what was in it? Frozen dead fish! I screamed so loud, and granted, it was one of those things where you had to be there – but when you are ANTICIPATING, EXPECTING to find ice cream, and instead you get greeted with like 10 sets of dead fish eyes staring at you, tail and all, it was quite the shock! Hilarious.

QUOTE

The girls left this as part of the “Welcome Note” on my table in my room – along with a leaf (symbolizing my growth here in Baguio) and a candle (so that I can be a light to everyone here!) – how great that we sang, “This Little Light of Mine” at my goodbye party/celebration on Sunday!

If missions languish, it is because the whole life of godliness is feeble. The command to go everywhere and preach to everybody is not obeyed until the will is lost by self-surrender on the will of God. Living, praying, giving and going will always be found together. ~ Arthur T. Pierson

dancing with joy

jesus too, had to say many goodbyes, as he embarked on his mission - leaving family and friends, but wholeheartedly trusting in God. and so, here i go...baguio city, here i come!

here's the plan: 16 hours to get to manila (incl. stopover), arrive in manila late in the evening, stay at a rectory, hop on a bus and head over to baguio. and so, here we go!!

i'll let you know when i am all situated in baguio city - thank goodness i'm travelling with sr. bernadette! she will for sure be a key player in my life overseas. this is a blessing.

thank you family and friends for all of your support, love, and encouragement, through the past week especially! my eyes are heavy from saying goodbye, and my heart is heavy too - but more on the good side :) just so much goodness has been filtered and thrown my way, i could not be more thankful! this is certainly a new chapter in my life, and i am glad to have each and every person with me on the journey.

ask and you will receive - i can't believe i've been given this opportunity and this grace-filled blessing, to serve in the philippines with the cabrini sisters. SUCH goodness! YAY!

...mass in the AM, pick up my cousins, airport time, saying goodbye time, then departure!! in which case, i will HOPEFULLY sleep the ENTIRE time. :)

Spring for Swaziland...YES!!!

This took me a while to finally complete and get it uploaded...but here it is! I wanted to get the chance to share the events of this evening with friends, family, and supporters, who were unable to make it that night - hope you now have a chance to check it out!

...The "Spring for Swaziland" event, which took place on April 28, 2010 at Nita Nita, in Brooklyn. Thank you, Katie McCaskie!! Learn more, and hear about Cabrini Ministries in Swaziland. :)

http://cabrini.ministries-swaziland.blogspot.com



Over $2000 was raised, from Katie's efforts! The proceeds from this evening went to support children through Cabrini Ministries Swaziland. Their holistic model includes food and shelter, as well as psychosocial services, education sponsorship, and collaboration with and support for children's remaining family members. Swaziland has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the world at almost 30% of the population. Current statistics estimtate that over 60,000 children have been orphaned in Swaziland (a country of 1 million) as a result of HIV/AIDS.

...not just my mission.

it started with coupons, selling coupons, then it became my cubicle being wallpapered with inspirational quotes and bible verses, then it became my cubicle being covered with pictures of past mission trips to the philippines, and filipino children, and the next thing you know, i discovered what you could possibly name, "a calling." actually, yes, that's what it was...and the next thing you know, i had a story to share.

i think everyone always has a story to share (to speak in cliches), but, this time, this was a super cool spiritual story, a super real one too. and the next thing you know, i lived in new york for the past year, lived with a community of other missionaries who have become my sisters, and actual Cabrini sisters, and the next thing you know, i discerned, and will be moving to the philippines in about 8 days. what the!

and the next thing you know, i had the opportunity to share this with my parish! and what a weekend of church, it was! and i have mother cabrini and the holy spirit to thank!

i was speaking with some parishioners from my church, and i spoke with one of the priests, and he said, you know, you should really share your story. and sooo, i actually procrastinated on moving on that piece of advice/comment, and so i went for it, asked, and the next thing you know, i was speaking at each of the masses! it was such a wonderful experience, and i could not be more thankful for the attentiveness and genuine support and care that the congregation gave to me.

it was funny, cause they were thanking me, and congratulating me, and really, i was just like, no, thank YOU, and more than anything, i just really wanted to share my story, and hopefully share with others, that no matter where we are in life, there is a mission/call that we each have, and the beautiful thing it, is that we get to try to discover what that is everyday, and truly, truly experience that as it takes shape! how awesome!

it was cool cause i met a bunch of mother cabrini devotees, i got to tell some people about her miracles, i got to direct people to 190th street, and how they need to visit her shrine in NY, haha, AND i got to share with them stories about how much i loved living with my community. it was so nice! they actually cared, and stuck around and listened. :) i was happy in that i got to hand out a discernment prayer from mother cabrini, and people were so grateful. i also met this woman whose grandfather would tell her about mother cabrini, cause he helped build the hospital in chicago and said mother cabrini was a busy, busy bee, and always running around from one place to another. i laughed, and it was funny because it reminded me of some of the sisters, and how they are always running around from place to place.

all in all, it was such a great experience! i made a huge posterboard with pictures, just to show more visuals, and it was appreciated by the parish. so i hope mother Cabrini was happy, and i feel like she's even more busy because i was kinda telling people how they need to ask her for help, cause as the patronness of immigrants, she will hook it up, for sure. :)

i was explaining to some parishioners how i sucked at sales when i sold coupons, but this time, i could talk about this stuff for hours, because i really enjoyed it, and though i'm not SUPER knowledgeable about theology and all that good stuff, i can at least talk about practical stuff, like, living mission...haha, one of the parishioners shared with me, and laughed, cause he felt the same when he was selling insurance. he said he sold zero policies, then when he started selling sports equipment, he kicked butt. and so, it is so so so so so true! gotta believe in what you're doing...and that stuck with me. :) and i'm happy about what i'm doing, so i think that's a good sign.

and now, with less than 8 days till i board a plane leaving for the philippines, i'm more than grateful for the support from my community here in laguna. woohooo!!!

from the big apple to orange county

hello friends! the time has come for another update! let me make this easy on you (which i think this will somewhat be how i begin my upcoming blog entries, for efficient and organizational purposes!) - SUBTITLES!

I MISO Reflection - not the soup
II Time between MISO and Now
III Countdown to the PI
IV Good Book - Praying Our Goodbyes
V "Lights On" Program
VI Quote on my Mind

I MISO - Maryknoll International Service Orientation - July 8-23 - Ossining, NY
Yes, i left new york on the 23rd of june, to make it ontime for my best friends' wedding (to one another - love them) at USD, then headed back to NY on july 8th to attend MISO with about 33 other missionaries from various programs (Holy Cross Lay Missioners, Salesian Lay Missioners, Response Ability Volunteers, Mercy Corps, and of course, Cabrini!). We had sesssions on staying healthy overseas, we prayed rosaries at night in the tabernacle/choir loft, we held impromptu praise and worship sessions, we discussed lots, we voiced our opinions, lots, we learned about Inculturation, we saw different ways of approaching conflicts, we discussed the importance of community, we talked about maintaining and how to maintain healthy relationships, we talked race, we talked reality, and we talked mission. WHY are we doing what we are doing? when was it that we each received a call? what is driving us, motivating us, pushing us forward to do what we are about to do for 1-2 years?

many of the people i was with have indeed received a lot of negative energies surrounding their mission, whether it be from parents, friends, family, and we would discuss that. it was certainly a beautiful thing to be surrounded by other young adults who had hearts full of desire to serve as ministers the best way they can. i went into the training thinking that i would be receiving a cross-cultural experience, as i learned about other ethnic cultures and countries...however, i discovered something different. God showed me, as i was exposed to, different perspectives on the catholic church and the way that it was expressed by other young adults. growing up in southern orange county, i have found that my understandings, my practices, my understanding of faith, is different from others who grew up in different places. the range of opinions went all along the gamet from conservative to liberal on any given topic, and truly, truly, it called for a time to learn from one another, and yet, despite differences, appreciate each other, and what each person brought to the table/discussion. grace-filled for sure.

through orientation, i am convinced that each and every one of the people i met, WILL in fact, change the world somehow. if not in HUGE ways, definitely within their communities and in their ministries, and that itself, is HUGE. brazil, uganda, rwanda, india, ethiopia, chile, the list goes on...it is so great and it was such a blessing to meet remarkable individuals with such blessed journeys ahead of them!

it was definitely different attending orientation without my sisters, mary and michelle at my side, but it helped to be in communication with them, to have their support and prayers. gina, our director, came out for a couple of days, and that was one of the highlights of my time at orientation! familiarity and wisdom = best combination for where i was at in orientation (towards the end). it was perfect timing, if you will. during orientation we had a couple of free days, and one of the days, i got to visit Columbus Community (my community of sisters in NY), and got to have dinner and pray with them before heading back to Ossining. i would have to say that that timing was absolutely perfect. i was missing cabrini, i wanted to see the sisters, and that break for a couple of hours was exactly what my soul needed. i came back to orientation rejuvenated and ready to take on the next workshops. so thankful i was for that opportunity to head over to gramercy park, just one last time!

and in two and a half weeks, after hopping on the metro north down to grand central station, i was on my way to the airport. MISO was over. july 23rd.

II Time Between MISO and Now
after leaving MISO, i got home in the late evening around 11:30pm, packed my bags, because at 7am, i would be heading out to san francisco to hang out with some of my cousins. spent time in the city, hiked, and my cousin andrew found a labyrinth for me, because he knows i'm obsessed, we walked it, then later on, my cousin rochelle, also took me to another labyrinth - land's end! that one was pretty awesome because it was overlooking the water and it was made of rocks. ironically enough, the man who created the labyrinth was there and he had a video guy with him. the video guy was creating a video on the labyrinth, and he interviewed me on my thoughts about it. soooo i went off about how i love labyrinths because of their meditative quality, and i talked about how it is such a great tool for contemplation! apparently he thought it was profound, while i thought i could have been way more articulate, but hey, it worked, and i got to enjoy the labyrinth :) check it out: http://www.laberinthos.com/ - apparently it was ruined a couple of times, one time by an individual who was very angry at some personal events in his life, and then returned and met the creator of it. super interesting.

after my fun time in san francisco, that next weekend, i went with some of my girlfriends to las vegas, and we had a blast - dancing and enjoying our upgraded suite at planet hollywood. eating earl's sandwiches and hangin' out by the pool, and just having a good time, the heat didn't stop us! after my time in vegas, it brought me to august 2nd. august would be spent in socal. no more trips for me. the next time i use my suitcase, it will be for the PI. and so here we go!

III Countdown to the PI
Leaving on the 18th. follow-up dentist appointment next week, went to the doctor's, got all the tests done, got all the shots, got my eye appointment, ordered my year and a half supply (they wouldn't let me order more!) of toric lens contacts, started sifting through the books that i absolutely need to bring with me to baguio, and no, i have not yet started packing. the countdown is on, and it will be the 18th before i know it. and that, my friends, is where i am at, with this whole "physically getting ready" process of the move on mission. it's a struggle. :)

this weekend i have been given the awesome opportunity of speaking at my parish about my past year of mission with cabrini mission corps in new york. i'm doing one mass on saturday, four masses on sunday, and i made this huge posterboard with fun pictures and different images that have guided me this past year. i'm excited to share my story, and that excitement led me to email the monsignor at my church to see if this would be possible. ask, and you shall receive! woohoo!

and before you know it, it will be next week, which is when my sister is coming into town, it is more cousins coming into town, it will be my cousin's birthday party at the park, then i get to give a talk at a young adult gathering at my church, again, talking about mission! woohoo! THEN, it's my goodbye party, then it's goodbye, for REAL. uh oh. ok, ...moving on. :)

IV Good Book - Praying Our Goodbyes
one of the greatest joys in coming home to california, has been in being reunited with some of my best friends out here. it is perfect timing to have united with everyone at andrew and lena's wedding at USD because right now, we are all going through some crazy life transitions. one was a teacher and joined JVI and is now in micronesia, another graduated with a masters from BC, and is also now with JVI and will be going to chile, i am going to the philippines, another will be starting a BFA requiring a new move, another is moving to louisiana to get her MSW, there are crazy, crazy, transitions going on amidst everyone in our close group of friends, and so this theme of transition, and goodbye has been individually on each of our hearts, and so, of course, we would collaborate and talk about the fact that we knew or at least understood how the other person was feeling.

because it has been so difficult to say goodbye to new york, to mary and michelle, to the sisters, and i myself, am in deep transition, gina gave me praying our goodbyes by joyce rupp. this book, is remarkable. so profound, and so perfect, really, just so appropriate to this time in my life. despite any physical distances, joyce is able to bring together the importance of prayer, kinship and the drawing of souls to one another, in the spiritual sense. sure it sounds hoakey, but joyce points out how jesus too, experienced being called to bring his ministry elsewhere, and to leave his friends, the disciples. jesus had emotions, but there was also the presence of God, and acceptance, and faith, that helped jesus to thrive through it all. this book, is just, that good. so good!

V "Lights On" Program
one of the priests at my church, said a mass at Mission San Juan Capistrano, and because i have been meaning to check out the life teen program at the basilica, i was able to make it out there. in the bulletin, i read about the "lights on" program, which was a program that served inmates immediately released from jail. as soon as i read that they needed volunteers, i immediately jumped on the opportunity because i wanted to find out more.

well, that's where i was tonight.

this is one of the coolest programs i have heard about, and basically "lights on" is an RV that parks outside of the jail (about 30 minutes from where i live - via freeway!) and it operates between 10pm-4am, which is when inmates are generally released, usually onto the streets with little or no resources for re-entry. i was talking with the deacon i had been in contact with, and he told me that these late hours are the prime time when inmates are released, all because of funding purposes. i was overwhelmed with awe that this program exists, because as i thought about it, how beautiful it is that this service is provided for immediately released inmates. it's true, sometimes inmates are not given sufficient notice prior to their release, to arrange for family members/friends to pick them up, and the next thing you know, they are stuck in a dangerous situation a couple miles down.

the mere presence of an RV, providing clothes, supplies, licorice, hot coffee, cold water, pizza, cookies, and candy, is a strong enough safe haven, if even for a little while. spending a small amount of time at the RV reminded me that, no, crystal, you may not be busy each and every minute of your time outside with a released inmate, but just in providing this presence for others, that is more than enough. i just am such a big fan of this program already, and i wish others would jump onboard with this. this also got me looking forward to my mission in the philippines, whatever is to come with that. :) i'm open.

...and there you have it. i'm doing well. mother cabrini has her eye on me, for sure. and jesus, well, i feel like i have given Him many reasons to laugh lately. all is well, and wow, still can't believe new york is done. for now. :)

VI Quote on my Mind...
Our first task in approaching another people, another culture, another religion is to take off our shoes, for the place we are approaching is holy. Else we may find ourselves treading on men's dreams. More serious still we may forget that God was here before our arrival. ~ Raymond Hammer // I find so much comfort in this, because it just relieves so much stress and any expectations that we may place on ourselves anytime we enter a new place. God is already there. As a missioner, God is inviting me into that space. How awesome is that. Enough said. :)