when you're home.

i think one of the coolest things about being here on mission in the philippines, is that my family lives in manila. granted, it is a 5-6ish hour bus ride from baguio to manila, but a bus ride that is totally worth taking...in these past few days that i have been home, i have been able to hang out with my cousin, my aunt, my uncle and his fam, and...my other uncle, who just came from new jersey! so great! not to mention, i got to spend time with my "tatay" - my grandpa (mom's dad), and see my god-son! woohooo! so wonderful.

i got here on the 27th, and i am here until the 2nd, my main purpose, to celebrate all souls' weekend here in marikina, to celebrate the life of my "nanay" - grandma, who passed away two years ago. it's crazy to be here, especially because, i realize i have friends here! haha, i think with every year that i have spent here (my summers), i have accumulated a network of friends...granted, they are all organizations that i have spent some quality time with - but those relationships have stayed close to my heart, and so, every chance i get, to see them here in manila, you KNOW i'm taking advantage of that!

i got to visit SPECS, visit with ate angie, and see some of the social workers. SPECS is the organization i volunteered with, back in 2005. specifically, i volunteered at speed the light (the girls), but that has since closed down, and the girls and boys are both situated at kaagapay, in pasay city. it was great, in that many of them remembered me, and i was able to catch up with the staff on how life has been so far. it was crazy to be back there, but in such a good way. crazy to think that that was the springboard to my annual visits to the PI. :) i had bobby park at the closest church, while ate angie and i hopped into a tricycle, then rode into the narrow streets to kaagapay. on the way back, we took a jeep. it was nice to take public transportation again in manila!

after SPECS, that day, the driver, bobby and i, went to good shepherd in quezon city. last april 09, i stayed with sr. upeng and the other sisters, there at the euphrasian residence, which serves as a home to women who are in troubling circumstances. well, on the way over there, we were making a left turn, and unknown to us, that was an illegal move...even though the traffic enforcer gave us the right of way. ok, well, so we went off to the side, and i did the talking...haha, i figured my english may help in this situation. and so, i tried talking to the officer, and then he was like in tagalog, i can't speak anymore english - my throat is drying out from trying to speak english! so then, not wanting to aggravate him, i started talking in tagalog, and then he was like, what! you can speak tagalog! you were giving me a hard time, with me trying to speak english and everything! the next thing you know, bobby was like, please let us go. she's a missionary and we just came from an orphanage. and so i was like, ok, here we go - gonna pull the missionary card. well, i was appropriately wearing my cabrini mission corps shirt, so he actually saw i was legit. and then i was like, yes, and we are on the way to the other convent - can we please just have a warning? well...after about 15 minutes of back and forth, and negotiating with the enforcer, he let us go...negotiate. key word there. 

haha, but he was struggling - he even got the vendor over, and was telling him how difficult it was for him to speak - but the thing here, is that, it was all very friendly actually - like, friendly and comical, if you could imagine. the enforcer was laughing at himself, and then at the situation. i think he was kinda confused, and he was so relieved when he saw that i could speak tagalog. haha...sure there was that language barrier between both he and i, but it was actually a fairly easygoing situation. very lighthearted, if you will. haha, all i know, is that i came out of that situation, thinking, wow, that would NEVER happen in california. EVER. hahaha!

and then as we were driving, that is when i saw my uncle driving also! so we texted him, telling him we were in back of him...well the next thing you know, they pull over, the passenger door opens, and out comes my uncle from new jersey! they just picked him up at the airport! so great! :)

the good shepherd sisters are super fun - sr. amore and sr. upeng, wow, some of my faves, for sure! as we took a picture, sr. amore said, "mother foundresss!" she's one of the greatest storytellers i know, and of course, they gave me some wisdom on vocation and discernment. gotta love it. always!

that evening, i got to hang out with my ate abelle, and some of her work friends at their halloween party - glee inspired of course. haha, so fun it was - it reminded me of my days in sales/marketing - work hard, play hard. for sure! it was nice to be in a social setting. haha, who woulda thought.

the other day, we started gathering all the flowers for the cemetery, spent some time there, looked at the other gatherings of families at the graves of their loved ones, lit some candles, and made sure to put some candles on the graves of the people near my nanay. that way, her neighbors have lights too. haha, gotta share the love!

pictures to follow...

and now, we are back after going to mass at 6am and visiting my grandma's sister in bulacan. that was really fun too. just being in the presence of family, is so great! it's crazy though, because i'm not with my mom! usually i go to all these places with my mom, but now, these sights are all so familiar to me, and i am starting to learn my way around manila. crazy.

and i continue to think to myself, wow, God, thank you for sending me to the philippines. and i'm on mission? absolutely perfect.

Accompany. Serve. Advocate.

www.jrsusa.org

hello my dear friends,

jesuit refugee service/usa will be launching a free 30-day online retreat that links spiritual contemplation to the plight of refugees and vulnerable migrants. check it out! 

mother cabrini is the patron saint of immigrants and her feast day is november 13. accompanied with the jesuits, what a great way to prepare! JUST saying. :)

the online retreat will go live on november 1st at www.jrsusa.org

love!

conversion and faith

"I was in prison and you came to me"

In honor of Prison Awareness Week here in the Philippines, thought I'd share some more finds! 

Because I visit the jail here, I think it is equally important that I read other important articles and examine other perspectives, and ask myself, what are my thoughts? Where do I fit in with this ministry? How can I better myself as I strive to serve others, especially those who are in jail? I found this article on the website of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB), and thought it really brought to life the people that I certainly come into contact with also. The stories vary, but the emotions, ministry, and humanity behind our brothers and sisters are all pretty similar:

People sometimes tell me that a person who has committed murder has lost not only his civil rights, but his rights as a child of God and no longer deserves to be treated with respect. When did God say that? Have people who think that way received a special revelation? 

I've known more than 200 convicted murderers and visited hundreds of others accused of murder. I've prayed with these people and listened as they've expressed their feelings—guilt and remorse, frustration and anger. I've heard their life stories, including stories of conversion and faith. This is what prison ministry is all about. 

Read more by Rev. Mr. George W. Brooks: Prison Ministry: To Free the Souls of Captives

--

Sometimes a volunteer or two will accompany Sister to the jail, but for the last several years it’s been difficult to recruit any help. Some worry about the neighborhood, others the inmates. Some wonder why she goes at all. This day she’s hampered by sore knees and a lower back weakened by the onset of osteoporosis, but Sister Josephine still marches purposefully toward the building’s menacing black-iron front gate. - And I Loved Them...Voices of a Prison Ministry by Sr. Josephine Migliore

prison awareness sunday.

today we celebrate prison awareness sunday (and for the week). as i look to my wrist with the stamp residue left behind from my visits at the jail...i am reminded, that this is merely a symbol of my times spent at the jail. i have spent time with our brothers and sisters behind bars, sat with them in their cells, prayed with them, laughed with them, cried with them, and merely listened to them. may we pray that more may feel the desire to visit those imprisoned, and may we all learn to challenge ourselves to be more compassionate and to be people of mercy to ourselves and to one another.

the "christ of maryknoll" icon stands out to me, in my mind today, and here, it is explained:

Robert Lentz, the acclaimed iconographer, has created an original work of art called "Christ of Maryknoll." When Mr. Lentz began painting the new icon for the cover of a forthcoming Orbis book, Christ in the Margins (Summer 2003), he planned on calling it "Christo Mojado," (Christ the Wet-back) but soon realized that the emerging Christ-figure represented the poor and marginalized throughout the world and the people who serve them.

Because of his love and appreciation for Maryknoll and Orbis Books, Mr. Lentz decided to name the icon "Christ of Maryknoll." His inspiration, in his words, follow:

”I have named this icon 'Christ of Maryknoll' because Maryknoll and Orbis Books mean so much to me. Both endeavor to see the Christ among the least of us, and to serve the Christ who lives in the margins of this world. Maryknoll priests, brothers, sisters, and lay people have been imprisoned in China and elsewhere for their work among the poor, the broken, the oppressed; Orbis has taken great risks to extend the Maryknoll vision. I hope this icon will bring inspiration to all those who share in that vision. The icon does not make clear which side of the fence Christ is on. Is he imprisoned or are we? Through our cultural institutions and personal lives we all place barriers between ourselves and true happiness. We and our institutions also try to imprison Christ in various ways, to tame him and the dangerous memories he would bring us of our goals and ideals. The Christ of Maryknoll cannot be tamed.”
- Robert Lentz, September 11, 2002

for those imprisoned, that love and forgiveness may surround them, that integration back into society may follow them, and that they may always be aware of God's love and compassion for them. // we pray to the Lord. // Lord, hear our prayer.

christmas came early.

i feel like it's christmas! it definitely came early this year...that, or just these past couple of days have been joy-filled, and so wonderful. my mission has continued to unfold itself, and i am inspired and encouraged every day, even in moments of challenge, by the people that surround me, and by how i spend my days here in baguio city.

sr. terezhina is back from ethiopia, and i could not be happier! i had no idea she was going to be back, since her plane got delayed due to typhoon juan...and so i went upstairs when i got to SOSCFI, to find out sr. t's status from sr. romy, and....to my surprise...sr. terezhina was in her room! i screamed!! literally, you know me. i screamed! sr. romy told me to shhhh, hahaha, but i could not hold it in! i was so excited! my partner in crime (by crime, i mean, bible studies and liturgies) hahaha, is back! woohooooo! :) so that is present #1.

present #2: sr. ofelia, the sister i stayed with at good shepherd in quezon city, last year, was here in baguio city for retreat, and so we got to spend some wonderful quality time last night. it was so great! as soon as i picked her up at the convent here in baguio city, we were holding hands the entire evening. it was so great! i caught her up on my life, and i told her how spending time at the euphrasian residence last year with her and the girls there, really spearheaded and laid the foundation for helping me listen to my call, to get out of the corporate world, and follow my heart into missions and ministry. it was so good to sit with her and share a meal with her, and i look forward to seeing her again soon, when i visit manila! :) God totally provides, and it was just so good to share with her my experiences, and to hear her rich wisdom right back. when she saw me, she said, "crystal, you look really happy." and you know what, it's true - and i told her, " i could not see my life any other way right now. this is EXACTLY what i would want to be doing. " when i thought about what i told her, i then thought to myself, wow, i really love my life right now.

present #3: chris, one of my friends who was a volunteer with franciscan volunteer ministry is one of the most talented musicians that i know. well, because i really want to dive into the music scene with the children over here (filipinos are always most likely, either dancing or singing, at least 20 hours of the 24 hours in a day!), i asked him for recommendations on songs that are good to sing as acapella - considering, sometimes musical instruments are hard to come by, at moments, and not as accessible...well! he just told me he sent me over some music...so i am super uber excited about that...i don't know who is more excited - the kids or me. probably right now, me, and later, the kids...they have no idea what's coming to them! so exciting! chris. such a kind and wonderful person!

present #4: tonight, i spent some time at maryknoll - it was the 10th anniversary of their daycare over there, and so some of the staff over there invited me to come on by...and so i did. :) it was so beautiful to watch the little children re-create the "story of creation" and to reflect on the importance of the environment and mother earth! seeing sr. cathy and sr. margarita is always a delight, and the staff at maryknoll may be one of the funnest group of people that i have come across. :) my friend, ivee, has a beautiful voice and plays wonderful music with her guitar. everytime i am at maryknoll, i always leave with my heart enriched and just a little bit more full. it's such a blessing to have them here with me.

present #5: the parents, the children, the college kids at SOSCFI. i think it was difficult at first because i remember when i first started, i was like, wow, there are so many kids, and all the kids just STARE at me, and have no idea who i am - they probably don't even notice i am here, don't really know what i am doing here, parents won't listen to me, college kids don't care - they're so busy anyway! it was like, ahhh crystal. purpose. get it together. it will be ok. hahaha, well, it is more than ok. it is wonderful! // it takes a little bit for people to get used to newcomers. anywhere! and i think it is a little mind boggling for them, to see a filipina looking person, and to hear her speak english, like, american english! :)

// today i had to give my first discipline to some of the girls, as they were play-fighting, but it was too much. if anything, they respected me more, started calling me ate crystal, and started playing more nicely with one another. :) as i said bye to the children, they said, "i'll miss you ate crystal!" hahaha, it was so cute...especially cause well, i just didn't expect that! it is wonderful to be with the parents, and while it is sometimes hard to be surrounded by all the moms at bible studies and during meetings, because i am away from my mom, i think about what a blessing it is that the Lord gave my mom strength to let go of me a little bit and help support me on the mission i have been called to live right now.

//the college kids are hard-working, they're focused, and they are talented. even though there's about 7 or 8 years between me and some of the college kids (the education in the PI is different), i don't even think of age as a factor. sometimes i will call THEM, ate, or kuya. i have embraced the college kids, and all of the children here, as my brothers and sisters. at orientation, when we discussed that mission lies in relationship, being on mission here in baguio city, that phrase could not be any more true. today, for the first time, i thought to myself, wow, how am i going to leave this place? it was the first time that thought ever crossed my mind - i think, because, i have become already so comfortable with those who i have met here...and this is only the beginning!

present #6: when i was at the jail last friday, i wanted to try something different. i didn't want them to draw, but i wanted them to write, to think, and to talk with one another. i know some of them live in the same cells, but, what do they talk about? how do they interact with one another? i wanted to see that happen. and so, i had them interview each other - on different subjects, with different questions...and then they got to introduce that person to the group. it was really nice to see them interact with each other, to laugh, and to joke with each other, and one of the biggest blessings i have at the jail, is to just sit back, watch, and observe them as they completed their work. i ended the session by giving each pair a poem that i found online. i selected these poems because they were written by inmates who are also incarcerated in the US.

// after they read the poem, they had to discuss with their partner their thoughts, if they connected with the poem or not, how they felt about it....at the end, i gave them sheets of paper and said, if you want to write a poem yourself, go for it, here is some paper, and when you see me next, bring me the poem, so i can read it. :) // well, on sunday, i was at mass...and sure enough, two of the boys brought me poems! so i read the, i sat with the poems, and i didn't know what to do with them. i was like, ok, crystal. so what is your purpose here? i guess i didn't really think that far? haha, for once! so after thinking it over, i decided...ok, well my whole purpose here, is to get them writing - they said they were bored, but they like to write. i know they have thoughts, i can't even imagine the number of things that go on in their head every day, and every minute and every second...so i had their poems with me, in my bag all week. this served as a constant reminder, crystal. when you go back, what will you have done with the poems? and so i decided...i'm going to get them journals, to support their writing. and so, that's what i did. // inspired by one of my friends eugenia, who is an amazing poet and conducted her own writing classes/workshops in a prison in NY, i decided that i would get them journals, personalize them with their names in it, so that they know it is theirs (to emphasize ownership and responsibility), put their poem back in it, wrote them a little note, and on the additional blank pages, wrote additional poetry prompts to help them get started on writing more, should they have writers' block. some of the prompts were: write a poem about the last time you fell (into anything), write about your day yesterday, write a poem about yourself...etc. // the other day, i was able to see the boys that wrote the poems, and i presented them with the journals i got them, and i got to explain to them why they got it, and what they are to do with it. their sincere thank you's almost made me cry, because they repeated it, many times, and i saw it in their eyes, that they were both so genuinely thankful and excited for it. // the poems are not for me, but i wanted them to know that i encourage their writing.

// it's prison awareness week at the prison, and i was assigned to do the 2nd reading for their mass, but turns out, i can't go, cause of another obligation that i have to attend to. :( when i told one of em i couldn't go, there was that sincere sadness! it made me so sad! and then i was like, whoa, crystal. you're sad about this. it was crazy! but i really felt sad that i couldn't be there to celebrate the week with them. he even did one of those, "darn!" snaps. haha it was funny. i did NOT expect that reaction!

// it was a beautiful time at the jail, in that i got to watch them practice for one of their talent showcases they have - they are putting on a program to kick-off NACOCOW week. national correctional consciousness week...or something of the sort...some of the guys danced this incredible number, with turns and flips, tango and cha-cha. haha...it was pretty amazing, but moreso, it was precious. i had my bag on, cause i was ready to go, as i was just finishing up some convos, but then, when they started dancing, i put my bag down, cause they said they would perform it for me and jewel! the first words that came out of my mouth was, "oh my gosh, i think i could cry right now!" it was SO great to see them smiling and laughing and enjoying themselves.

// it was a present to hear them say, "bye sister crystal, thank you, see you again, take care of yourself," it was a present to hear them wish me well on my travels to manila, and it is always a present when i get handwritten notes from the inmates (since they usually know when i am there) - haha, clearly, word travels fast. randomly, an inmate will come to me, and say, sr. crystal, i have a note for you. haha, it's sweet! seems within 10 minutes of my arrival, i get a lot of, "oh! crystal, you're here!" or "hello sister" or "you're the missionary!" it is sincerely a present because i am welcomed, they are candid, they are real, and they are open.

// i was talking to one of the boys there, and i literally had no response to what he had to share with me. i mean, what do i say? what could i say? nothing. for someone who talks a lot, i have been doing a whole lot of listening here in baguio city. i really thank the 19th annotation for that. haha, perhaps God knew that i would need that skill, SO much, here in the PI, and so marie really helped me with that last year! well, it has paid off. that afternoon, all i could do, was just look at him, and tell him, "you're good. you're a good person." i would have been ok with not saying anything either, but i just had to say it. it came out - and i wanted him to know that.

// i know it is called prison ministry...but my ministry when i am at the prison, is my desire to be with them, and talking with them, and spending time with them. this is not go in, walk out of the bars, pat myself on the shoulder and go on my merry way. no, this is, yes, building relationships with the inmates, and connecting, and talking to and listening to, and being there.

present #7: having the experience of going to the philippine military academy with two of my partners in fun over here, having the taxi get a flat tire, getting out of the taxi, thinking to myself, is this real life? am i really in this situation right now? busting out the umbrella cause it was raining cats and dogs, IMMEDIATELY finding a taxi, and then making it over to the academy and having lots of fun! then helping to lead a rosary and the liturgy at a church in irisan - and having the priest, who i introduced myself to, prior, as a missionary...mention me at the end of his homily, as "the girl who read the first reading and the psalm, is a postulant/candidate to enter the missionary sisters" (oh snap!) then having a delicious birthday dinner with the community and some friends. yeah, that was a whole day of presents...and jaw-dropping surprises.

present #8: connections and communication with friends and family. orange county, new york, philadelphia, new orleans, boston, micronesia (charles and tyler. double bonus!), hawaii, washington dc, san diego, florida, nor cal, i'm just so blessed to have a wonderful, loving supportive group of people around me.

lastly, i will leave you with this:

“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” ~ Pedro Arrupe, SJ

1 in 3 women

.please pray.

More than one third of women abused or forced into sex!

UNITED NATIONS — (13 October) More than a third of all women in the world have been forced into sex, beaten or abused by a partner or family member, a top UN official said Tuesday.

Zou Xiaoqaio, vice-chairwoman of the Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women said that sexual violence was increasing around the world despite major campaigns by the UN and other bodies.

Zou said that not enough of the 186 countries which have signed the 1979 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) had implemented it to give effective help to women.

"At least one every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or abused in some other way, usually by an intimate partner or family member," Zou told a press conference at the UN headquarters, quoting a new report by the UN Population Fund.

"Women continue to be raped and subject to other forms of sexual violence with impunity all over the world," she said, highlighting how, in some countries, rape charges against an offender can be dropped if he marries the victim.

"Women and girls are still being sold for sex around the world. Two million girls between the ages of five and 15 are introduced into the commercial sex market each year."

The United States, Iran and Sudan are among six countries that have not yet signed the 1979 convention, Zou said.

hold my hand

today, i find that i am full of joy. i can't really put a word to describe it, but i feel like these past two days have given me so much life, and my life here in baguio city, is just really good. saying "good" does not even do justice to the feeling, but alas, it is the best i can do right now. :) my body is a little bit tired, i think. haha.

yesterday i came into contact with my love/hate relationship with micronesia. never before ever even knowing where this place was, i recall one of the brothers in NYC, telling me about his ministry there. super exciting stuff. then, the next thing you know, one of my best friend's, charles, is sent there with the jesuit volunteers this year. so random, but wonderful, nonetheless. starting my day with a skype date in micronesia was pretty awesome. technology, yes, sometimes you don't work when i need you to, but god bless the connection when it is there! :)

later that afternoon, i went to the jail, and shared some time with the CICL. in weeks prior, i had them draw their emotions, had them reflect on their weeks in the jail, and did a lot of "drawing then share" activities. well, i decided to try something different. i figured, yes, i know they live with each other 24/7, but i want to see them interact, and talk, and discuss, and collaborate on a specific thing. and so, i paired them up, randomly, haha, and had them interview each other with a list of questions i had put together for them. afterwards, i gave them poems (to be reviewed in partners) and to discuss them after reading them.

these poems were compilations written by inmates incarcerated in the US, and i figured, i would bridge the two countries together, and see...how do emotions vary among the incarcerated in the philippines vs. the US? well, i found, they don't.

i was moved when the inmates started talking more about how they felt about their time at the jail. all of them wanted to keep the poems they read, and one kid was near tears when he said, "this is me." i finished the session off, by explaining why i chose the poems i did, and i gave them sheets of paper, to provide them with the space to write and express their feelings. we'll see if they actually make use of it, but regardless, it was really good to hear them freely express themselves and their feelings.

at the end, we finished off by singing "hawak kamay" ("hold hands" by yeng constantino). that is one of the few tagalog songs i can sing straight through, and so i decided to bring the guitar chords to them last week...well, now, they love it, and clearly they have been practicing - and so, we have been ending each time, by singing that song. :)

i think one of the things that hit me the most, was when i watched them sincerely sing it, and even see some of the most visibly unhappiest, start singing, and actually light up.

Sometimes you feel the weight of the problem
Sometimes it's getting hard on you and you say, I can't take it anymore.
Just look to the sky
Maybe you see something
Or just call me
And you will know that anytime...

Chorus:
Hold (my) hands
I will not leave you on our journey
Here in the world without security (like no assurance)
Holding hands
I'm not going to let you go on our journey
In the world of nothing

Sometimes you feel
The world was breaking apart under your feet
And you're flowing in the stream of problems
Just look to the sky
Maybe you see something
Or just call me
And you will know that anytime

i didn't know that singing this song would be so applicable, but it really is. i took a step back, watched them sing, heard them sing, and my heart broke open. looking at each one of them, i realized, wow, this.... is really powerful. and it was.

i'm starting to get letters/notes from the inmates, and it's pretty nice - just words of greetings, since they know i am there on friday afternoons, and they look forward to my attendance on sunday for mass. i assure them that i will be there when i can, and i assure them of our prayers. i think i caught myself off-guard when i wrote one of the inmates back, and signed, "Blessings, Sister C" - haha, the inmates call me sister, or sister crystal. and, good thing. not so much in the religious sense, well maybe, cause they know for the most part that i am a missionary (especially since vowed sisters do not dress like i do!) BUT recognizing me as a "sister," however you/they want to define it, limits the mind from wandering into any romantic involvement. which is a GOOD thing. seriously!

that evening, my aunt texted me, and told me that she was having a meeting with regards to an NGO she's starting, and she invited me. well, awesome enough, i had my first experience in helping to plan for an NGO. i'm so excited, and i feel like this is such a blessing. i had no idea that i would have resources available, in the area of my absolute passion. like, i can not even begin to explain to you how grace-filled this all is. regardless of the outcome of this potential NGO, there is passion, and there is a need, and there is hope. i'm really excited about this! really powerful stuff.

later that night, still on fire and filled with excitement, i came home to catch up with wonderful people, to laugh, to reflect, to reminisce about good times, and to love life, together. thank you, internet. haha!

this morning, i woke up at 6am, to make it ontime for wushu. yes friends, that is right. i am started wushu classes. :) this is going to be awesome! granted all the women are well beyond senior citizen status, but that is totally fine with me! :) also, i saw a man wearing a university of san diego hoodie, AND i met another man who is from chula vista (san diego). crazy! anyway, after the class, my aunt and i had delicious breakfast, then i hurried over to SOSCFI.

i think one of the huge realizations i had today, was, crystal, you don't have to do everything. i had some older kids that showed up for choir practice, and so what did i do, i put them in charge of things - and they owned it. it was so exciting! the kids sang, and i loved it. later, we had a dance party. i taught some of the girls the hoedown throwdown (thank you cabrini girls!), then they taught me some of their dances. i think the fact that i was in my yoga gear from wushu this morning, really put me in the mood to be active. during my time with the altar servers, they all participated, they were eager, and most of them have memorized their altar server prayer! it's very promising! so precious. yay! :)

today with the kids was SO much fun. we danced, we sang, and i had good conversation with the college kids who stuck around after. they taught me their process of farming, they explained to me the process of killing a chicken that is also a delicacy called, "killing me softly"- it's a SLOW death for the chicken. torture, almost. they grilled me with questions about the US, their curiosity spoke through, and it was just such a great exchange. they need to be here always! my respect is huge for them and for how hard they work. definitely.

i have recently been obsessed with the song, "i wanna hold your hand," but the version that curt (chris colfer) sang in glee. playing on repeat probably 5 times in the AM, and nonstop when i come home in the evening, it reiterates the importance of the human touch and contact. not even in a romantic sense, but it's powerful.

people don't really hug here. it's not really, um, normal. because i lived with mish and mary last year, hugs were pretty much a staple, ALWAYS. well, now i have to adjust, and my hugs have translated into high fives. high fives with the kids, high fives with the inmates, high fives with the college kids...i see you, you see me, you did good today. be proud of yourself, and feel like you did good.

while i don't know the effects that i have on all the people i encounter from day to day, i think one of the things that does encourage me, is that, recently, i have felt really good at the end of every day. i feel like i am full of life, and i am full of joy, and thanksgiving.

some of the girls i live with, and one of my co-workers independently told me that i'm not the same crystal that they first met, and i am blooming - as if i have been inspired, or something of the like. regardless, of the reason(s) that's a great thing! i'm taking it. and i am thankful. :)

my heart is full, but there's room for more. :)

listening with [my] heart

i made my first visit to a prison, with sr. eileen, who serves as a chaplain at rikers island, in NY. here's my post from that experience: rikers. serving in prison ministry in baguio city, i bring me, and the knowledge and wisdom i received from those few hours spent at the women's prison.

sr. eileen (sisters of charity) has since, become a major mentor to me in my life, though many many miles away, and here are some words of inspiration she was able to provide me today (via email!), as i live my mission in prison ministry, here in baguio city:

"As you spend time with those imprisioned you will know what you can do and what each person most needs.
Listening with your heart is most important.
Looking into the face of each one tells them that you are paying attention to them. They know the difference as they are treated disrespectfully by many.
Usually, they want to talk about their lives and the hopes they have to change and the difficulties in doing that.
They want to pray and receive a blessing.
Always follow up on anything you say you will do for them.

Most of all - we need to be focused in our own personal prayer, deep relationship with God, and a strong faith - most times sharing the Mystery of God because there is so much we can't understand, when we see people like those in prison facing what seems hopeless and impossible.

God will always surprise them and us in the unfolding. It is God's grace and unconditional love.

As you go along you will see in your own creative way and your own spirit, what God is revealing to you, for you to notice and respond to in your situation."

i'm looking forward to my visit this afternoon. :)

one thing is for certain...after visiting earlier this week, i will never visit the prison again during official visiting hours, unless it is absolutely necessary. it's pure chaos, and i would rather the inmates use that time to visit with their familes/friends that come, since that is their official slot. not to mention, it was pretty much alll of the inmates in the courtyard at one time. too much for this missioner. my heart said, that was nice. but, when you want to visit, go during unofficial visiting hours. it is a blessing to be treated like clergy and to have the opportunity to visit the inmates when i want. i think i will definitely need to take advantage of that - NOT during visiting hours. :)

it was a good one.

hi there!

i wanna say my birthday started the day before, when i had my first choir practice with the SOSCFI kids...haha, super fun. here is a little video:



the morning of my 25th birthday, i woke up at 5:30am. yes. 5:30 am. super early. i think the last time i did that was when i was waking up to leave for cabrini with mish (and even then, we would text each other in the am!). haha, (no quotation mark on this keyboard, i apologize in advance!)...but the reason for the early wake up call, was because it was going to be a busy day! in a sense, everything i did that day, was a celebration of life. and for that, i am so grateful!

i woke up, and had to get ready for my day because i wanted to go to mass at 7am. well before that, my taho vendor, manong v (his name is too hard to pronounce for me, haha), the day before, said that he would come by and greet me happy birthday on my exact birthday, and so, i had to be sure to be ready for the day prior to his arrival, cause after that, i would have to jet over to mass. well, it was wayyyy past the time he usually comes to sell me taho, and so i just decided to leave.

well, as i was walking to the jeepneys, he sees me, and is like, happy birthday!! it was super cute. hes like, ah are you going to church? i was going to bring my kids over so that they could say happy birthday to you! so sad. but alas, he said he would bring them over this weekend. so im looking forward to meeting his children! haha, gotta love this town. :)

bought some sampaguita (traditional flowers here), attended mass, saw one of the daughters of st. paul novices, made my flower offering, lit 10 candles (2 would not stick. boo) in the candle lighting area, and then headed over to meet ate jewel and ate lynie for jollibee. my FAVORITE! woohoo! it was perfect! so delish!

then, headed over to irisan, took some fun pictures while we waited for everyone to arrive, prayed the rosary, i gave a little reflection based on the gospel reading, in tagalog (in my less than adequate tagalog - but it worked!), then we headed over to lourdes grotto! woohoo! took more pictures, climbed the big statue of jesus, and enjoyed the beautiful day. (video: driving to irisan - warning: it is a bumpy road! enjoy the views! (that is mainly why i took the video))



it was also the day of circles of discernment, so we had that sesh at our community, then sr. bernadette and i headed over to maryknoll, for their indigenous peoples month celebration. there, we got to learn some indigenous dances from the areas here in the cordilleras - like from kalinga and ifugao...super fun, and it was a good time! its always a good time seeing the maryknoll community, and after eating a delicious meal, and after meeting sr. margarita, we also met some camillian seminarians in novitiate! what a lively bunch they were!

they found out it was my b-day, and proceeded to sing happy birthday to me, they got a candle, and then sang happy birthday to me. hahaha...cosmic journey style. it was hilarious actually - their hand motions were ridiculous. haha, but super nice, and super fun, and they all proceeded to predict my vocation. of course, only in groups of seminarians and novices would that happen! :) it was such a fun time! (video: happy birthday to me...from the camillians!)



afterwards, ate jewel, ate lynie, sr. b, and i, met up with my uncle for some tea and dessert. it was a beautiful day!

right after the crew at maryknoll sang happy birthday to me, they asked for a birthday speech. haha, oh filipinos. and so, there i went. i basically said how much of a blessing it was to be spending my birthday - 10/10/10, in the philippines, on mission. my desire to live in the philippines for the past 5 years was finally made real, and i got to celebrate my birthday in such a special way, especially by being at maryknoll, and being surrounded by wonderful people. i loved it too, because i got to learn more about the cordilleras region on my birthday. that was really special to me too. it was just such a complete day! thank you to everyone for your love, support, well wishes, and hugs from near and far!
(video: chants/dances/songs of the cordilleras region, as celebrated at maryknoll)

mission of grace it is.

so, i've just been getting a lot of good energy lately. i know it is all grace, but i don't know if i've just been surrounding myself with good people, or if God is sending good people to come to me...but there's just a lot of goodness being sent my way. :)

things to be thankful for:

i felt affirmed yesterday, when i had a great time leading bible study for the parents yesterday at the cathedral. they opened up, i was able to speak substantial tagalog, they were receptive, and at the end, they were thanking me for being there, and they said they were so grateful that i get to teach them and spend time with them. i just couldn't believe i could lead bible studies with the amount of tagalog i know....such a blessing! THEN, they said their children would come home on saturday afternoons, after spending their mornings with us at SOSCFI, and tell them how nice ate crystal was, and how they are excited about the choir!

i got to play piano yesterday - while i was waiting for my uncle, i saw a piano in the entrance before the rectory, and i asked if i could play...and so i did! YES.

i learned how to make guava jelly yesterday in our kitchen with the girls i live with...and i fell in love with the smell of guava! as much as i love eating papaya, i don't love the smell or the aftertaste. haha!

my birthday is coming up, and i've already been getting greetings! especially from one of my missionary friends in ethiopia! :)

i got to meet family i never knew i had...yessss!

my friend, helena, from st. monica's (in LA) called me, since she is in baguio!

i got to skype with my sister, ali p and get the latest :)

there's a lot of good going on, and a lot to be thankful for, despite challenges and the hardships, and daily struggles.

crystal is thankful.

family in baguio? yes please.

prior to moving to baguio - i would always tell everyone that, my family lives in manila, about 5 hours away. not bad - that family is from my mom's side, who i'm super close with. well, i emailed my dad the other day, to see if there's any catalan blood here in baguio city...he emails me back, copies like 5 other people on it, and turns out, i have family here!

so much so, that my dad's cousin, uncle armie (that's what i call him), lives less than a kilometer away from me! AND he helped design/build the oratory (chapel) at the main cathedral here in baguio, which is where i visit everyday! when i got here a couple of months ago, people were asking me, do you know "architect catalan" and i said no, cause i never thought i had family here! well turns out, that is him, and he is actually FRIENDS with my co-worker.

a bigger sitch, is that his wife, is also into social services and she is in the process of finalizing documentation for her own NGO as well. i asked her what she would be naming it, and she said, do you want to help me name it? um, YES. this is a complete God-sent!

so, knowing that i have this connection to me, like, dude, my heart is still beating with thanksgiving. the area of my passion? my goodness. God is good.

i found out, my great grandma was full spanish and turns out there's more catalan blood in pangasinan, where my great grandparents at one point owned the 3rd largest city there. so i will be visiting hopefully by early next year, to meet more Catalan family. it's pretty exciting! i'm learning that baguio city ain't that big of a place, and everyone seems to know everyone. i'm starting to see the same people everyday, like, even on the jeepneys, at different times. it's weird.

but alas, i have learned and realized - even though at one point i was in complete desolation and thought that God had abandoned me without family/friends/familiarity, turns out, well, i am just so affirmed that God had this planned all along. there is no other way, no other explanation. while i was screaming during our mini reunion yesterday, cause i was so excited, my uncle armie just said, "this isn't crazy. crystal, this was pre-destined! you are family, so i have responsibility for you now." such perfect timing. it always is.

sing. dance. act. yes!

a compilation of a few clips on "children's day" at SOSCFI. the first clip is a "drama" that some of the high schoolers put together with regards to early pregnancy, and showing the consequences of these situations. then there is a poem, some singing, some dancing and singing, and then some dancing. hahaha! the kids are quite creative. they pretty much got into groups and decided on things they wanted to do for show! :) welcome to the philippines. the land where everyone is SHY to speak out, but give them the opportunity to sing/dance/act...you gotta call for ONE at a TIME. :) Enjoy!

let it shineeeee!

...view my attempt to teach the altar servers, "this little light of mine." :) ...i think they were hungry, hence the delays. haha, this is only the beginning, folks!

a song of its own

i made my way to the jail, arrived early, watched the men play basketball for a little bit, then found myself seated on the white bench which has become all too familiar. i was in the waiting area since i came early - the chapel was still being cleaned. well, one of the inmates found me, and was like, "crystal! i need to introduce you to someone!" and so, i went and met one of the jail officers, who i spoke to, and found out, there may be other opportunities for me to also help out. it was awesome. as soon as they found out i was a teacher, and i'm capable, they were like, YES! LITERACY? i was like, sure! and values formation too! :) so that was very exciting! we got to talking, and i was given a brief formal orientation, some words of advice, and a handshake to seal the deal that i would be coming possibly more than we had originally thought! baby steps.

turns out, there would be no choir practice because the chapel was being used for something else. BUT, such a blessing that was - because, if i had choir practice, i would have missed out on meeting that jail officer, and two other things:

1) i was sitting with the inmate and he was giving me the rundown of programs, and briefing me on different activities that i could attend with their community, and i saw one of the boys i worked with, in his yellow detainee shirt, in handcuffs. it was really sad, cause i had never seen him like that, but he was really happy to see me, and he gave me this huge smile. i said hi, and was legit happy to see him, and then that was it. well, later on, i saw him, yet again, in a new set of clothes, no handcuffs, and he said, "i'm leaving!" and i was like, what? his family member was there to pick him up! when he told me that, i think i felt my heart jump. i was so excited for him, and it was such a beautiful moment to witness. he was taken to the other police officer's office, to tell them he was being released, and they were happy for him too. i've never seen anything like it. of course, it was difficult still though, cause i was sitting with an inmate, who wishes he were also leaving. but alas, different cases. // but, if they held choir practice, i would have missed that opportunity to say bye, and to tell him, be good, take care, and make good decisions, cause you don't want to end up here. (in tagalog of course. haha!) so that was a happy moment.

2) second thing, as i was leaving, i saw one of the women i saw two days ago with my recent visit with sr. romy. it was a mother of an inmate. on wednesday, she told sr. romy and i, to please pray for her son that his case will be dismissed and that he can come home. she, herself, is a missionary, very involved with coordinating prayer groups and faith formation sessions, and it was good to see her upon leaving. sitting on the stoop right outside of the entrance, she informed me, that indeed her son was to be released and all will be well! she was very excited, and she told me "you know, serve the Lord, and the Lord will give you so much in return!" to see the hope, conviction, and faith that this woman had, was very inspiring. i was glad i got to see her and though i didn't fully understand everything she shared with me, i was glad i was able to listen to her, feel her faith in God, and share in her profound joy. // but if they held choir practice, i would have missed that opportunity. :)

i also got to teach "here i am to worship" to one of the guys there. it was pretty fun. he started harmonizing with me, and it sounded great! haha, this is going to be very interesting!

i left the jail with such excitement and goodness all around me. some advice i received today was, "be careful....with your heart. i just need to warn you." // "there are a lot of...handsome men here, so um, be careful." apparently some volunteers in the past have left a mark of pursuing romantic relations with inmates, but alas, i assured the officers, my bf is JC (jesus christ) and the missionary sisters. haha. mark my words.

mission of...discovery.

on tuesday afternoon, i was faced with the motivation to discover more of my mission field here in baguio. after my first couple of visits to the baguio city jail, it was apparent to me that i thoroughly felt drawn to that community, and i wanted to pursue my discovery of that field. well, i never really looked into it more, other than, well, i go to the jail every week to visit with the CICL - but still, i wanted to go more.

well later that afternoon, i asked sr. romy, sr., would you go with me to the jail tomorrow morning? so that we can see if there are other opportunities for me to volunteer? though it was super short notice, she agreed! woohoo! it was then, wednesday morning, 9am, and sr. romy was all ready to go! the night prior, i discovered a book written by sr. josephine migliore, MSC, "and i loved them...voices from a prison ministry." it was so amazing and refreshing to read, and every story she shared, every word i read, was very inspirational, and i was like, YES. the need she saw for "tough love" in her prison ministry experience? YES. i felt very connected to sr. josephine and mother cabrini in their ministries in the prisons, and i took that as such a sign, that yes, maybe i should indeed continue my exploration of the jail community here. clearly, i enjoyed the book, as i finished the book in less than a day! i don't think i've ever read a book that fast in my life. haha!

as we left SOSCFI that morning, we said bye, and sr. romy said, "we'll be back. we just need to discover something." and so we did. hopped on the jeepney, walked to the jail, and as we approached the entrance, i said, "ok, sister, so we'll look for who we need to talk to, and then see if there are any faith opportunities here. and i figure, if we don't get the answers, or we're not allowed in, then we will just come back again?" so clearly, i was thinking way too ahead of myself and freaking myself out, preparing myself for the worst, and thinking of alternatives, should this random visit end up becoming a fail. but then again, it was like, this could not be a failure! cause i'm trying, and i felt God would bless that, regardless. it reminded me of how prior to going on a sales call, i would run through everything in my head, make sure i have the proper introduction, said the right things, blah blah blah...and sr. romy remained her peaceful calm self, and said, "yes, we're just here to see if we can get a schedule or something." haha!

so then, i was like, if sister is calm, i can be calm too. so then we head down the steps, ask to speak to the person we needed to talk to, they got him out, and we ended up talking for like an hour or so about the different opportunities they had for me to get involved, and it was great! such a blessed meeting it was, and passing by, i saw some of the CICL, and they greeted me with warm smiles and waves! that was nice. it was especially surprising to be affirmed by this man, in that he explained how he feels they need some innovation, some creativity in the way that they pray, and he believes in me. he said he could see the passion in me, and that i have this aura, this different energy about me, which makes him believe that i can do it. he was like, "crystal, you can do this! i believe in you. we're happy you're here and that you will join us here. " i told the officers i would see them soon - haha, like 3 days later, soon.

the man wrote the dates and times in my journal, we said our goodbyes, sr. romy and i left, and as soon as we got to the top, we both expressed to each other, "WOW! that's a lot! we did it!" i think we were both in awe about how wonderful that super spontaneous meeting went. granted, we didn't even tell him we were coming, the officers were able to bring him out, even though it wasn't even visiting hours, and we had the freedom to talk in full length about the in's and out's of the programming. it was really perfect - definitely unexpected! reflecting on that random visit, i thought to myself, wow. did he really affirm me? did he really use the words, "yes, you are needed here." like, it was pretty remarkable. and i took it all. scoop it all up, and see where this takes me.

to unwind, sr. romy and i took a stroll to the city hall, walked through the park, shared some time together, just walking, and talking, and enjoying each others' company. i saw a group of kids with a guitar, and had them sing a song for us. haha, and so they did. :) thank you, teenagers.

it was a perfect end, to celebrate God's divine work that morning. i thanked sr. romy, and we were all smiles.