aspiration inspiration

I read this reflection tonight, and thought, to myself, YES! Now, imagining a world where we may all have a powerful encounter with the mystic inside of us, wow, amazing things would happen!! such beautiful things. and as St. Catherine of Siena has said...i'm thinking, just maybe, we may "set the world on fire!" :) 

---

The Mystic

A great development has taken place in the twentieth century as Christians everywhere become aware of the social dimensions of their religion. Christians see that to follow Christ they must resonate with the suffering of the world - with the poor and afflicted and distressed.

And if men and women are moving toward a sense of solidarity, those called to the mystical life cannot claim exemption. The authentic mystic can never flee from the world.

Active mystics who live in the hurly-burly enter into the same inner silence as those who live in the desert. They experience the inner fire and the inner love. Now the inner fire drives them - no longer to the wilderness but to the crowded marketplace and to the inner city. The living flame of love drives them to walk in peace marches, to denounce oppressive structures, to go to prison and to die. Like the mystics in the desert they pass through agonizing dark nights and come to profound enlightenment. The mystic in the silent desert and the mystic in the noisy city are alike in following one who emptied himself taking the form of a slave and was given a name that is above all names.

- William Johnston, from Mystical Theology (taken from A Maryknoll Book of Inspiration by Michael Leach and Doris Goodnough)

random nostalgic goodness

tonight, as i was writing a quick letter to a sister that i haven't talked to in forever, i decided to do a quick search in my email to make sure i have her name right. sr. gemma is pretty key to my transition from corporate life to missionary life because she was the Good Shepherd Sister that i randomly met at a fair trade craft fair in Redondo Beach, CA - back in like 2008! i remember my mom calling me one random day telling me to help her out at a fair that she was volunteering at, and so i agreed because it wasn't too far from where i was living in Santa Monica at the time.

turns out, i would meet Sr. Gemma, who i learned was currently living in Michigan (or Chicago, one of those!) and for some reason, i started pouring out some of my life story and desires to her. i remember telling her about my love for the philippines and how it is my dream to live there, and my heart is moved in the direction of women and children, in particular against human trafficking. but of course, i was still in sales/marketing, and so in a way, i felt stuck. just had to learn to be patient. she then shared with me that i should check out their community in quezon city when i visit the philippines next.

as it turns out, i would eventually be spending my easter that year in quezon city, and so, she hooked me up with the community over there. really amazing stuff.

some things never change...

love!

and now, flashback to tonight:

so i checked my email to make sure i got her name right, and this is an excerpt from a "thank you" email i found that i wrote her on April 28, 2009 (i was still working in sales/marketing in Los Angeles, CA at the time):

I am at a place right now where I am still discerning God's plans for me.  I love the Philippines with all my heart, and in a way, I am waiting for God to show me a light or present me with an opportunity to really make a move over there - whether that be next year, next month, who knows, but I am very much open and willing to move to the Philippines to do service work among my brothers and sisters over there.  It is so difficult to be here in California, when I know that my heart longs to be in the Philippines - spending time with the children and teens over there.

little did i know that God was moving in my life this entire time. pretty much a month later, i discovered Cabrini Mission Corps on May 27, 2009 - the same day that my best friend, Ryan, told me that he was going to be moving to NY - the same day I told him that I might be moving to NY...crazy!

i wrote a thank you letter to Gina, my director, for having a great (the word "great" does not do it justice!) initial conversation , and then a couple of hours later, turns out I followed up with this email:

Just wanted to let you know that I submitted my Preliminary Application online for opportunities with the Cabrini Mission Corps.

dang! clearly, i moved quickly on this one. haha, it just felt right! i still remember that day! it was one of my happiest drives to work! my "drive to work" playlist only added to that awesome experience. L)

And the next day? May 28, 2009 (exactly a month from the day that i wrote my email to Sr. Gemma), i started filling out the full application for Cabrini Mission Corps.

what? so awesome. and in fall 2010, God gave me my dream, but definitely in such an even greater way that i had ever imagined! i think it's what He had planned for me all along :)

...now in a classroom! :)

...he does love me. a lot!!

God is such a master-mind and such a good story-maker, life-maker, planner of goodness.

So many other good stories already happening, and looking forward to seeing how God will wow me next. but no expectations - i know it will just happen! :)

slowly and surely, the pieces eventually all come together. :) and the best part, is there is grace in it all!

the sun will rise

the Gospel from Sunday is still ringing in my ears, and I have to say that every time I hear this Gospel, it blows me away. It provides me with such hope, consolation, and it only strengthens my belief in the importance of community and for care in the world. Love for one another - those in our close community, but also on the other side of the world - people we may never ever meet...but who exist.

the Gospel from Sunday was taken from Mark 2:1-12 and it is the story of the paralyzed man who was carried by four people over to Jesus. Part of the Gospel reads, "The four who carried him [the paralyzed man] were unable to bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they began to open up the roof over the spot where Jesus was. When they had made a hole, they let down the mat on which the paralytic was lying. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, "My son, your sins are forgiven." And later, Jesus said to the no longer paralyzed man, "Stand up! Pick up your mat and go home."

Wow.

These four people straight up opened the roof over the spot where Jesus was. What? They were determined! They knew what they had to do. And they did it for their their brother, this paralyzed man. When I picture this, my mind can not even seem to fathom the amazingness in the situation, but faith? wow, yes. It is so apparent.

Whenever I hear this Gospel, I think of one of my favorite homilies that I heard back at my church in Santa Monica, CA, St. Monica's (go figure!). I have the homily recorded way back from 2009, and to this day, I still listen to it. Yes, technology! Msgr. Torgerson shares how we all have a paralysis - whether it be addiction, sin, anger, pride...whatever it may be. But Jesus commands each one of us, to stand up and to take up our mat. One of my favorite remarks from this homily is when he says, he believes it is important for us to take our mat with us - not to just leave it. Why? Two reasons: 1) If we bring the mat with us, we may hold the mat to serve as a reminder of where we have been. Many times we get healed, and then we forget, and then we revert back. and number 2, if we keep the mat, we can place others on it with us. This way, we may bring our other paralyzed brothers and sisters on the mat with us, and we can serve one another for healing.

I just really love that imagery so much.

At mass on Sunday, I sat in the pew by myself trying to not get so distracted by the couple to the left of me who kept cracking jokes to each other. But, that's besides the point. I was really moved when the priest focused on the four who carried the paralytic man. He said that the four were significant because they represent the whole world - north, south, east, and west, and he continued to share how important it is as a community to carry one another. I thought to myself, wow, that is beautiful. How true that is! And so, that day, I reflected on that...

The rest of the afternoon, I continued reading my book of choice for now, Good Friday People by Sheila Cassidy. This book warned the reader in the beginning that it would not be an easy book to read...I didn't know what it truly meant, until I got more into the book. It's a book about suffering. The author shares some of her experiences with suffering (torture in her case, when detained in Chile), and shares stories about Archbishop Romero, the people of Auschwitz, people who suffer with other medical issues, and how through this suffering, they have shared in the suffering of Christ. It really looks at the reality of the suffering. So vividly so. At times, I had to put the book down, cause it was too much for me, like, my heart would just drop, but it is a beautiful book in itself. Really powerful stuff.

On the back cover it reads, "This is not a book for the faint hearted, make no mistake of that. It is a book for Lent, and as such it demands that the reader, like Thomas, put his or her hand into the side of the crucified Christ." - Sheila Cassidy. This is absolutely true...and I am trying to finish it, so that I can read it again.  I was happy to have found it in our library at SOSCFI, and it stuck out to me - for good reason. Perfect timing.

The next day, Monday, for prayer, we continued to reflect on this Gospel from Sunday. It was then that I got hit with just a bunch of issues of suffering and pain and...that feeling you get when your heart just drops and it just starts to squeel all around. THAT feeling. It almost got to the point where it was overwhelming. This week I learned of some really awful news of sexual abuse and violence against children, I was reminded of the awful effects of social media on women and young adults and the damage that they do to themselves because of a desire to be "perfect," and I encountered some really heavy issues that were really weighing heavy on my heart.

On Friday, someone asked me what it was about the Philippines that made me want to live here. It was interesting because the last time I was asked that question was probably a year and a half ago, around the time when I first moved here, but I found that my answer came out so freely because it is still so true for me. I shared some of my past experiences, but more specifically, while I feel I am drawn to the Philippines because this place is part of my blood, and my heritage, at the same time, I was/am not simply content with reading about the issues, and reading the numbers, and being blown away by the numbers that were listed in statistics about the amount of families and communities that live drastically below the poverty line. That was so out of reach for me. I wanted to be with the people. I recalled my experiences working at an orphanage with young girls rehabilitating from every type of abuse and awful, awful experiences from their yesterday - really heavy stuff. Could I do anything for them? Could I get them out of their poverty? No. But that is not my role. And I did not see myself as a Savior, and even moreso now, I realize how far I am from that possibility which is not even a possibility. And so, my answer still remains - it is not enough for me to just read about the issues and sob from afar. I need to be with them.

One of my favorite quotes from Maryknoll is from one of their videos that talks about the AIDS situation in Africa and they say, "statistics are numbers with the tears washed off, we deal with the tears." And that is exactly it. I think that is what I have come to do.

From the Gospe, I recall how four had to carry the paralytic man. This paralytic man was dead weight. He could not carry himself. But these four, carried him on each corner and it was just enough to bring him to Jesus. And that is just it. It made me think...when I am the paralyzed one, who are the people who have carried me to Jesus? What were those moments of paralysis like? What was/is that paralysis? And on the other side of that, When was I one of the four who carried my paralyzed brother or sister to Jesus? Did I do it with a heart of love? We have each been on either side of the scenario, and it is really moving either way.

Just think about it. :)

I was reminded from my reflection that while Jesus provides us with just enough, during Lent, Jesus reminds us that there is so much more that God wants to offer us in our life. There is so much MORE awaiting us! BUT, we must allow ourselves to seek that, and to be open to the graces that are awaiting us. And yes, it is so hard, and yes, it involves letting go, and letting go, and letting go...but it is there. And I suppose we just may never know what that is, unless we stand up, take up our mat, and get walking. The suffering will end. The pain will end, but we have to stand up. The first step is sometimes the hardest.

It's time! Lent is upon us, and I could not personally be at a better place to start this journey, this season. Thanks for coming along with me. God bless you, this Lenten season!

vows of love. forever.

The morning of Valentine's Day, the taxi driver asked me in tagalog, "So, I bet you have a date tonight?" Laughing, I said, "Haha, nope!" Usually I play along and make up some elaborate story just to entertain the drivers for the few minutes while we are commuting, but this time, I thought I would be honest. It was too early to begin lying. He said, "Oh, really? Is it a secret?" I said, "Nope!" He said, "Bakit?" ("Why?")

And so I said, "I'm going down to Manila to spend my Valentine's Day at a seminary tonight because two of my friends will be making their perpetual vows tomorrow." Silence! The taxi driver didn't know what to say. Moreso, I think because it was the last thing he was expecting me to say!

And, that is exactly what I did a couple of days ago.

Yay!

Sr. Terezinha and I headed down to Manila after our staff meeting to stay at the CICM Formation Community, which is the home of post-novices or "juniors." They are the young men who have already gone through novitiate, and have been in the process with the CICM congregation for about 5 years, though the number of years vary.  After their formation in this community where they are enrolled in theology courses at a local institution, they will then be sent out on mission for a few years and then, if they discern to continue, they will then make perpetual vows as religious CICM missionaries!

"...we need young men who are prepared to forget all about themselves and who will only live for the interest of the Almighty to whom they offered themselves when they entered missionary work." - Theophile Verbist, Founder of CICM

Brother Marcio and Brother Thiago are two Brazilian seminarians that Sr. Terezinha befriended since being here. They came up to Baguio once, we all hung out, and it was great. After hearing word that they would be making their perpetual vows (pretty much the biggest deal for religious - even moreso than the priesthood ordination celebration), we decided to go! It was a blessing to be in the community and to be greeted by such warm hospitality at the Center.

As soon as I walked in, the guys were having recreation time, and it was so awesome to see some familiar faces of those who I knew because they had visited Baguio once or twice. I later learned that there were many, many nations represented in their community - guys from Zambia, the Philippines, Congo, China, Brazil...the list went on and on.

We had dinner that night (Valentine's Dinner!), Sr. T blessed the food, and was it intimidating because there were like 30 seminarians all around? Heck yes. I was just thinking to myself, yeah...they're probably wondering who this random girl is with Sr. Terezinha. She explained who I was, and I think it eased their curiosity a bit. They were all around my age too, so it was nice to be around similar-aged guys, and through the next two days, they were like brothers. Consecrated men, people! No funny business, AT ALL. It was beautiful!

Before dinner, we had half an hour of silence and then Vespers. Silence as in, sit in the chapel and be silent with Jesus. I was shocked at how much conversation I had with Jesus - clearly, I think i talked His ear off, though I think He didn't mind. Bro. Willian said, no journaling, no reading, just silence. I said, Ok and thought to myself, dang. when was the last time I even attempted to do that? No journaling? What? But, it was great! We then had Vespers, and all I was thinking was, "Shoot. All these colored strings. I don't know how to even use the Breviary. Uh oh..." Thank goodness of the brothers saw me struggling and helped me out.  It was actually really nice and I enjoyed it.

That night, after dinner, I heard they were going to have music practice for the Mass the next day, so I decided to stick around for that. I saw a keyboard, and started jamming on the keys, which was such freedom for me, and then one of the brothers started playing the drums, then the other just busted out on his guitar, and it was so cool! Haha, I was just thinking to myself, dude, I LOVE this! Just playing worship music, singing, smiling, and them being surprised that I'm not just some random girl who showed up to stay at their community for the night. I mean, in a sense, I was - but there was so much more than just that! We had choir practice and I learned some songs in Visaya and Portuguese. Pretty good stuff. And it was equally entertaining to join in on their practice and listen to the various opinions they each had on the songs. When you get people from all these different nations, awesomeness happens. Ah, I love intercultural exchanges!

BUT, I never thought I would experience Valentine's Day at a seminary, THAT's for sure! :)

The next morning, Sr. Terezinha and I had some free time, so we planned our entire Lenten season catechesis for our parents, our children at SOSCFI, and for our Bible Studies. We are on our way and were so productive! Yes! Lots of work? YES. But, it is absolutely needed. We spent the rest of the morning/afternoon with Bro. Thiago, Bro. Willian, and Fr. Wilson! Fr. Wilson USED to be Bro. Wilson, but he since got ordained. I was the minority, being the only non-Brazilian, but it was no big deal! Then Bro. Fabio came, and we got to catch up, and then we all had lunch together.

Sr. T, Fr. Wilson, Bro. Thiago, and Bro. Fabio :)

Ah, it was so great to just hear stories and share experiences. I feel like I gain so much wisdom and knowledge in just listening to their mission experiences and also listening to their experiences in the congregation and in the seminary. I am like a sponge just taking in everything, but also being inspired at the lives that they live. Bro. Thiago works at a hospital with leprosy patients, and Bro. Marcio (he was with his host family in the morning/afternoon) has been working in youth ministry at a Catholic school. Both Brazilian, they totally embody the charism of the CICM congregation.

powerful.

CICM stands for the "Congregation of the Immaculate Heart of Mary," though sometimes they call themselves, "Congregation of International Cute Men." Ha, go figure. Their charism is so bold and so missionary - it was such a gift to be with them. Right dab center in the middle of their chapel is this HUGE cross, with part of their CICM constitution printed right next to it. Ah, so missionary, it was inspiring! I read a letter written by Theophile Verbist, their Founder, and I thought, change "men" to "women" and I swear it could have been Mother Cabrini who wrote the letter.

That afternoon was the Perpetual Vows of Bro. Thiago and Bro. Marcio and since their parents (who live in Brazil) could not make it, we all made sure to take lots of pictures so that their parents could see pictures of their sons on their special day! Perpetual Vows are a HUGE deal for religious because it is when they officially, totally enter religious life, FOREVER. I learned the difference between religious order priests and Diocesan priests too - so that was interesting.

in the beginning.

prostrating during the litany of the saints.

hugs from their fellow priests!

The homily at the Mass was really beautiful and it was SUPER bold and honest. Father spoke about the sacrifices that need to be made when joining CICM as missionaries - you are sacrificing a personal family, you need to be aware that in the case where your parents are sick, or if someone close to you has died, you may not physically be there for them, you will never have this, or that...and he said, "are you ready?" He continued in joking and said, "Do not bring us any troubles!" Haha, he emphasized that this is forever - that this life that they have chosen to live, is forever, and it is a gift from God. It was such a beautiful homily and it was just so inspiring to see two of my brothers, my generation, make these vows, make this life commitment to serve and love God and others the best way that they can through mission.

...consecrated to God. CICM forever.

I concluded that it is this love for God that is at the root of being able to live this type of life and it is truly such a radical way of life. A beautiful one. I think we can recognize this as a grace from God, because well, not just anybody could do this. Just like not anybody can be a doctor or not anybody could be a _______. It lies in vocation.

I think one of the powerful moments that I experienced at the celebration was during the "Our Father" when everyone in the chapel was praying and singing the "Our Father" in Tagalog - "Ama Namin." Because this is a missionary order and of course because the priests celebrate mass here in the Philippines, they have studied and know the language, I'm sure some better than others, but regardless of skill level, everyone was singing in Tagalog. All these different cultures singing one language - the language of the country that they are missioned in. One word: enculturation. The Spirit was present!

At the end we took lots of pictures and then had dinner with the hundreds of guests - mostly religious. :) As I was walking over, one of the brothers asked me if I could do the Opening Prayer to bless the food. I was like, "BROTHER. Seriously?" He's like, "yeah! can you do it?" I said, "Shoot, ok, fine!" So then, I was like, "Sr. Terezinha. Shoot, I'm going to do the opening prayer to bless the food!" What'd she say? "Ok! Go aheadddd!" The best. :)

Before I was going to pray, I was just thinking, "dang...look at all these religious - priests, sisters, brothers, lots of people i do NOT know. I hope my simple prayer will suffice." But the Spirit moved in me, and the food was blessed. Thank you, Jesus! One of the priests afterwards shook my hand, and said, "Very nice prayer. Where are you from? Brazil?" Haha, I laughed, explained to him my story and then later on he asked me if I was ever on Pinoy Big Brother. I told him that would be my next stop. Ha! Later on, Sr. Terezinha gave a message to the boys too, and the guests got a kick out of it, cause well, she's hilarious and honest. :)

Sr. T speaking truth and funnies!

Bro. Thiago busted out Tagalog first!

Bro. Marcio expressing his gratitude!

It was such a beautiful celebration and I am extremely grateful for this experience. I realized how important community is, for support and continued encouragement. People came from all over to be there for the Perpetual Vows of our Brothers - from Kalinga, from Baguio, from Cebu, from all over the Philippines. I am so grateful that Sr. T and I have the opportunity to work closely with a CICM priest in many of our endeavors here in Baguio, and no doubt the CICM fathers have helped foster and nourish my vocation at their parish.

CICM

Such a blessing, and there is consolation in knowing that there are other young people out there, just trying their best to learn how to best follow their heart and follow their will to love and serve the Lord, in the way of life-long commitment to religious life.

walking and loving. faith walk.

Yesterday marked a pretty awesome day in my life, and wow what an amazing experience it was! This may get lengthy, but I want to make sure I try my best in capturing the key moments from yesterday that really made it apparent that it was a day led by the Spirit.

As a program for Circles of Discernment, we had decided that we wanted to put on a missionary outreach project, and so, Sr. T and I were in charge of putting it on. Sure, I had participated in many outreach projects before, but never anything quite like this. And so, what was the missionary outreach project? Go door-to-door, lead a bible study and bless the homes of the community. Wait, what? Are we allowed to bless homes?

YES!

So, Sr. Terezinha and I did not necessarily know what the details were or where this outreach would take place...but as she was sharing our missionary project idea with our brother-in-christ Priest, Fr. Elgar, he said, "Go where your heart is. Go to Yagyagan!" Sr. Terezinha had experience doing this in Brazil and in the other countries she ventured off to, and so she was sharing this with me, and with the others. Inspired, we went ahead and prayed for guidance!

And so...with this Yagyagan community in mind, after a month of solid preparation after our holiday vacays, Sr. T and I put together a schedule for the day, an agenda for time spent with the communities, I got 3 liters of water blessed by Father Elgar, shared with him the plans for the day, collaborated with the teachers at the elementary school, checked out some of the homes that we would be sending off some missioners to, shared with the community members the coming of the missioners, conducted individual and group orientations with the missioners, sent a whole lot of text messages for correspondence, organized sending off packets and material, and at 7am, we hopped into two taxis, and off the ten of us went! :)

Planning Stages...visiting the homes! or rather, some of the places you had to hike through to get to their homes! :) for the two weeks leading up to our mission day, i got to venture off into the lands. haha...outside of baguio city!

garden

where the heck am I? (that's what i kept thinking. haha!)

just keep walking.

This was a first-time experience for all of us, and I was just so excited that this community that we have fallen in love with, would be shared with the other Cabrini collaborators. It was definitely a day I had been looking forward to!

We gathered at the school and had an opening prayer and blessing led by Sr. T, and then we were sent off. As we sang the "Our Father" in Ilocano, I already felt the presence of Jesus and the Holy Spirit fill the place. There were nerves, anxiety, but also a whole lot of excitement, and this energy was apparent. Tears started to formulate in my eyes, 'cause I was like, YES! This is happening! Ah, it was such a great feeling. I knew that Jesus was with us, and we were going to be sent off to do exactly what He did - visit families and share life and love with those he encountered.

Originally, I had prepared four groups and we were all set, but then another community leader wanted a group to bring to her community, so we split up one of the groups. After looking at the group of missioners, I had to think quickly... Ok, who could lead a group? I thought, ok, I know who I can send off - Norlyn - one of college students I went to World Youth Day with. I thought, it would be a great opportunity for her to really take ownership and it would push her out of her comfort level a little bit. It was perfect! Teamed her up with another missioner and I knew they could handle it. We were all set.

I ventured off into one of the communities with one of the college students I live with, Bible study, faith sharing, house blessing, and it was great! I had four other kids from the community with me. They were some of the kids I taught last year who were in the 6th grade, but have since moved to high school, and they insisted that they wanted to stay in my group, so that was great. :) Even though they are SUPER duper shy, they still insisted that they stay with "Ate Crystal's group." ha! It was pretty amazing. Walking up and down the mountain from home to home, more and more people kept joining our group, and then I got a text from Sr. T saying, "Crys, there are some boys from the parish to go with you." So I texted back, "Sister, I'm down a mountain. I have no idea where we are?" Haha, the next thing you know, as we were leaving one of the homes, the guys caught up with us after asking the community where the group was. Pretty cool!

Bible and Holy Water.  :)

awesomeness in prayer.

my kids! :)

We were joined by two 20-something CICM seminarians, and two high school boys who were pretty active at the parish. Awesome! Our group kept growing, and I started passing around the materials to the guys so that they could have a shot at leading and facilitating the Bible sharing and House blessing. It was pretty cool because I was reflecting on how important it was for all of these other youth to step out and lead the group. And they delivered! I knew they would. One of the seminarians said, "Can we add some things?" I said, "Of course! This is just an outline. Do as the Spirit guides you!" It was great.

We then had to split up again, and I made sure to split up the two seminarians so that they would each be able to facilitate a group instead of one having more opportunities than the other. It all worked out perfectly! I was really happy throughout the whole day, and as I shared with Sr. Terezinha, it was joy. A heartfelt joy.

the future.

mission.

We reflected on the Gospel of the Day which was on Jesus curing the leper. In the communities, we talked about how Jesus not only heals us physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. We talked about how there is a blessing in being able to share our burdens with others, and we also reflected about the love and healing that Jesus can provide us.

From the Gospel reading, I was thinking about how greeting the family members in each home was like encountering Jesus, and how the mere touch - the hug, the kiss on the cheek, the hands... was really powerful. Some of the community members were crying during the sharing, and they were really touched that our group visited them. If anything though, I feel like we, Cabrini, were the ones who were touched and we left with joy and love in our hearts, and such a better understanding of the unity in the Body of Christ. Yes, they are a poor community, but their spirits were rich, and they have touched my heart so deeply and strongly.

All of the groups met up at the barangay hall for Mass celebrated by Father, we shared some of our reflections during the homily, and it was such a beautiful celebration! I also learned that there was another group of youth from the parish that met up with our Cabrini group on the other side of the mountain. The numbers just kept growing. It was pretty remarkable. Also, Sr. T and I were really thankful that we were able to change the time of mass in the community, just to accommodate for our program. So nice! Fr. Elgar commented during the homily, "Wow. it seems like you all had an AMAZING experience, like Sister Crystal would say. an AWESOME experience!" haha, I think it's pretty funny how they know me that well, and they are clearly aware of the way I tend to express myself. :) The community also shared their gratitude and thanks, after Sister and I took some time to thank all those who collaborated with us and really helped make this a successful program for the Yagyagan community.

first home.

the boys.

I remember there was a moment during the day, when I was leaving one home and walking to another, and I was thinking, "I was made to love. I was born to do this." THIS. Mission. Visiting families. Joining with others who had the same desire to share faith and love with others. Encountering Jesus in strangers. It was a moment - a revelation if you will, where I thought to myself, "whoa, where did that come from?" Bible in hand, it was all confirmation.

One of the gifts that I received that day, was when we all gathered at our last home for lunch, and one of the seminarians put his hand on my shoulder and said, " Thank you for showing me what a missionary is." I replied and said to him, "Thank YOU for coming and joining." It is a blessing to be able to do ministry with young religious, and I especially loved that our ages did not matter to the communities. They trusted us, and they were just entirely grateful.

During one of the days of our preparation, Sister T and I had to split up. I went to the elementary school, and she went to another school to check out the ministry that we can start up there, and we met up at the church with Fr. Elgar. She shared with me that after she was telling him some of the plans we had for the community, he answered, "I am not worried about what you Sisters decide to do, because whatever you plan and say, you do it." I like that.  During the homily he was giving examples of some things that may happen that make us wonder why certain things happen. One of the examples he gave was, "Sometimes we wonder why the Sisters are so demanding (pointing at Sr. T and I)! But we know that it is because they love us and want the best for the community." It's TRUE! Everyone laughed. :)

I am so entirely grateful for the entire team that said YES to join in on this mission day...for their willingness, openness, and for their positivity. It was a growing experience for all of us, as we ventured into homes that welcomed us. Moreso, I am just so grateful that we have the freedom to do this, especially given the realities that there are definitely countries and areas that would give an outright NO and prison sentences to anyone who even dared speak the name of Jesus in a public place. This day, I experienced challenge, and trust, and surprises, and it showed me that the more effort I put into something, the more faith and prayer and trust I place in it, whatever I want to do, grounded in Love, guided by the Spirit, failure will never be an option.

And with that, I continue to reflect and embrace Sr. Terezinha's words of encouragement and affirmation for me, "Catalan, you're a missionary ready for the world!"

the team. cyrill and sr. t not pictured.

happy kid.

Thank you, Holy Spirit for guiding our steps on mission yesterday! The result? A whole lot of joy and excitement, and hugs, and love, and a whole new program that we will begin with the parish: Missionary Sundays. What a blessing! :) Thank you for the prayers!

listen and obey

 I read this and loved it! Thought I would share it with you. God does not ask us to love all in the same way. Phew! What a beautiful gift that is! I think that's also what makes the Body of Christ so dynamic and colorful, and we are then able to express ourselves in the most creative ways of loving. Confident that we have each been given our own path, our own road, we need not compare our journeys with others, but rather, I feel that we can walk alongside one another, supporting each other as we continue to discover Jesus, the One who holds our hands along the way.
---

The Calling

God calls all the souls he has created to love him with their whole being, here and thereafter, which means that he calls all of them to holiness, to perfection, to a close following of him and obedience to his will. But he does not ask all souls to show their love by the same works, to climb to heaven by the same ladder, to achieve goodness in the same way. What sort of work, then, must I do? Which is my road to heaven? In what kind of life am I to sanctify myself? Apart from the universal calling of all of us to perfect love, to holiness, to the following of Jesus, and obedience to his will in everything, however small, a calling at the last to heaven, what is the particular and social vocation that he puts before me and each one of us?


This question: "What kind of life am I going to undertake?" is the question of vocation. And it has got to be answered rightly. For if it is answered rightly and we take the way to which God calls us we shall be living obediently to him, we shall be strengthened by his help, and so we shall come to heaven...


There can never be any question of "choosing" a vocation: the word "choice" is excluded by the word "vocation," which means "calling," a call from God. Therefore we do not "choose a vocation" but seek to find our vocation, to do all we can to hear the divine Voice calling us, to make sure what he is saying - and then to obey him. Where vocation is concerned God speaks, calls, commands: we have not to choose but to listen and obey.


- Charles de Foucauld, from Charles de Foucauld: Essential Writings, edited by Robert Ellsberg (taken from A Maryknoll Book of Inspiration by Michael Leach and Doris Goodnough)

first and foremost

been contemplating indifference lots in the past couple of weeks. glad i decided to pick up this prayer card from my altar today! it will be a good day.

The First Principle and Foundation

The Goal of our life is to live with God forever.
God, who loves us, gave us life.
Our own response of love allows God's life
to flow into us without limit.

All the things in this world are gifts of God,
presented to us so that we can know God more easily
and make a return of love more readily.

As a result, we appreciate
and use all these gifts of God
insofar as they help us develop as loving persons.
But if any of these gifts
become the center of our lives,
they displace God
and so hinder our growth toward our goal.

In everyday life, then,
we must hold ourselves in balance
before all of these created gifts
insofar as we have a choice
and are not bound by some obligation.
We should not fix our desires on health or sickness,
wealth or poverty, success or failure,
a long life or short one.
For everything has the potential
of calling forth in us
a deeper response to our life in God.

Our only desire and our one choice should be this:
I want and I choose what better
leads to God's deepening his life in me.

~ St. Ignatius as paraphrased by David L. Fleming, SJ

looking up

it's time to be positive people!

"When we concentrate too much on something that isn't right, and make it our main topic of conversation, we end up giving evil more substance than it has. Deploring evil sometimes only strengthens it ... We do more to help others experience conversion and make progress by encouraging them in the positive aspects of their lives than by condemning their errors. Good is more real than evil, and it overcomes evil."  
- Fr. Jacque Philippe

HE = always best

The Three Trees

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting

some kind of battle."

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take Kings and Queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter, "and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree. I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, I'll take this one," and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for.

The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.

The third tree was cut into large pieces, and left alone in the dark.

The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, God will give you great gifts.

Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.

We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

(from Weekly Inspirational, The Three Trees, Feb. 5, 2012, emailed by Sr. Theresa Sullivan, DC)

awaken me!

my spiritual director introduced this prayer to me (by Joyce Rupp!) and every time we pray it at our meetings, i love it! each time i pray this prayer, it seems like a different stanza sticks out to me in such a poignant way. therefore, this is a GREAT prayer in my life. and that is the Holy Spirit for you.

enjoy!

The Fruits of the Spirit 
- Joyce Rupp

Surprising One, coming in ways I least expect,
Open me to your Dynamic presence.
Awaken me, Surprising One!

Perceptive Guide, always available to direct my ways,
Advice me in self-discipline and decision-making.
Awaken me, Perceptive Guide!

Freedom Bringer, asking for my willingness to surrender,
Help me to leg to, to let in, to let be.
Awaken me, Freedom Bringer!

Source of Power, providing stamina and strength for my soul,
Support me when I am weak and vulnerable.
Awaken me, Source of Power!

Arousing One, stirring up what is dead or stale,
Urge my stagnant, sleeping gifts into life.
Awaken me, Arousing One!

Divine Transformer, encouraging continued growth,
Grant me both patience and acceptance.
Awaken me, Divine Transformer!

Peacemaker, offering forgiveness and understanding,
Encourage me to communicate with love.
Awaken me, Peacemaker!

Bearer of Love, never-ending font of charity and compassion,
May I share my goodness generously.
Awaken me, Bearer of Love! 

walk, not run

For the past two weeks, I have had the great opportunity to visit some of the sites for the missionary outreach that Sr. Terezinha and I have been preparing for our members from Circles of Discernment, SOSCFI scholars, and for some of our leaders from the Diocese. It has been such a beautiful, blessed experience so far, especially with organizing everything (even though it is so difficult managing scheduleing), and coordinating the plans with the missionaries and the community we will be invited into, but it has been such a great personal experience for me. I am just so excited to be sharing this community (that Sr. T and I have fallen in love with), with this other group of young people who have said yes to accepting this mission! :)

In this past week, I have met with three different groups of people to give them a "mission orientation," to prepare them for what they may expect and to prepare them with their responsibilities as they visit each home.

Here is a list of some of the helpful reminders:
* Take your time and LISTEN
* This is a time to share our faith with one another
*A time for HAPPY SHARING
* If there are children, play with them! Spend TIME with the community
* Do NOT rush, trying to fit in as many visits. We are not looking for quantity of homes visited. We are looking for quality time spent with Jesus and our brothers and sisters.
* If needed, we can schedule another time to visit the communities, if not all of the communities are visited during the course of the day.
* Smile and be grateful for this opportunity
* If you are not welcomed into a house, kindly leave and proceed on your way (this is also the way of Jesus!)

Please pray for us as we tie up the loose ends this week. I will be meeting with the parish priest to get some water blessed so that we can bring the Holy Water into each home to bless the homes, and will be finalizing all the plans later this week too. It will be wonderful!

With wings on our feet, off we go!!