faith in community

"While my faith doesn't change, its cultural expression may. This is part of being a missioner." - maryknoll

sitting in a small church in beckel and listening to the whole mass in ilokano (i definitely did not understand 98% of what was said) gave me lots of time to think. the good thing about the Catholic mass, is that regardless of where i go, the liturgy is the same...so i'm familiar with the flow, and though at times i may not necessarily understand the exact translation, i can catch on to what i am praying (in english. :)

but, here were some of my thoughts and experiences - welcome to my stream of consciousness:

* is it possible to feel more Jesus in a small community? um, yeah. as i was sitting in the second pew from the front, i thought to myself, wow. the aura of this community, the spirit is so alive here. what a blessing! when i attend mass in a huge church like the cathedral here in baguio city, it's not as powerful for me...but just sitting here in this church, listening to the congregation singing their hearts out in a language i don't completely understand, i felt like i was home. funny how that works.

on the same level as the altar. i appreciated that.

* while the priest spoke in ilokano the whole time, he did say one phrase in english: "you cannot share what you do not have." how true that is! if i want to share love with others, i have to have love within myself, in my whole being, and be that love. if i want to share joy with others, i must embody that joy and give it freely. i immediately thought of mission kapote and how i am so touched by the enormous generosity of my family, friends, and strangers.

* what a challenge and how beautiful it is to be able to serve others with our lives. not an instant martyrdom completed in a matter of seconds, but an everyday martyrdom - all for the love of one another. not a self-pity statement, but what a gift it is to be able to serve wholeheartedly, with endurance and true passion in the areas that have pulled our heartstrings. despite any opposition, persecution, trial, or challenge, with our eyes and hearts in the right direction, we GO.

* i feel like God could care less about the big words, pretty language, artsy ways we articulate our prayer. i don't think that matters so much, as the authenticity of that which is in our hearts. 

* i thought about the gardener that i saw working outside of one of the retreat centers in baguio, back in december. i remember looking down at him from the window a couple of stories above him, thinking to myself, this man works day in, day out, so hard. i did not see his face, but watching him work, i realized, wow, what a gift it would be to truly lay one's life down for another. am i willing?

* what would it look like if all of us in the world used our gifts and talents to serve others? to use who we are for GOOD in the world? how beautiful that would be...

* the offertory at mass was comprised of vegetables, fruits, bread, some juice boxes, 3-in-1 packets of coffee, and seedlings that would later be planted at our SOSCFI farm...these vegetables, this variety of fruits, the packets of coffee, this is livelihood. this is the livelihood of the community. the little that they have, they freely give, and share. what an inspiration. this is their offering, and it was absolutely beautiful.

this was by far one of the most powerful masses i have attended in the 20+ months i have been here in baguio city. tucked in to a little community called beckel, is the Padre Pio Parish that is dynamic, full of life, energy, and inspiration, and is true testament to the word, "community."

after mass, one of the board members of our foundation took the staff out for some dessert...we had worked super hard friday, saturday and sunday...all day! it was starting to feel like we were sleeping at the office or something cause we were there early mornings and there until late, working on our different programs and activities. but the gift, is that, they were all successful activities! :)

this is what a happy kid looks like:

i spent the rest of the day running around town, enjoying the weather and went to the victory liner to get a ticket for manila. the line was the longest i had ever seen, winding all over the place, and i definitely stutter-stepped three times while i decided whether or not to just come back. well, i decided to tough it out, and i ran into a couple of the CICM seminarians who helped me out. :) we ended up chatting the whole time and afterwards, sat on the stoop of the victory liner terminal, spending time talking vocation, challenges in the seminary and religious life, and shared some of our experiences so far. God is just so good at these spontaneous moments...looking back,  i can say there was grace in that run-in at the victory liner. i think it needed to happen. and it did!

testing...

there we go!

mission kapote

friends and family - near and far:

i present to you, MISSION KAPOTE:

i am looking to distribute the coats by June, so hopefully i will have raised enough money by late May to have everything all organized and ready to go for the rainy season here in Baguio City. i am hoping to get donors from here in the Philippines, as well as from the States. every penny, every peso will make a difference and these children will appreciate it :) let me know if you would be able to help!

Check out the Article (and to make a donation): http://cabrinifoundation.org/2012/04/18/mission-kapotehelp-bring-raincoats-to-the-children-of-the-philippines/

By: Crystal Catalan
Cabrini Mission Corps

Approximately thirty minutes outside of the heart of Baguio City, Philippines, is a small elementary school set in a rural community called Yagyagan.

 I first stepped foot into this community in January 2011, after Sr. Terezinha Lumbieri, MSC heard that the school was in need of catechists for their students. Enthusiastic, Sr. Terezinha and I ventured off to Yagyagan Elementary School, which we discovered was located off the main road at the bottom of a 200-meter hill. Uh oh! As our taxi was driving us down, I was thinking two things: “wow, the view of the mountains is beautiful from up here!” and “oh my goodness, this means, we are going to have to walk back UP
this hill?”

Now, fourteen months later, we have been making this weekly trip ever since, with Sr. Terezinha teaching grades 1-3 and me handling grades 4-6. With the strong support of parents, the continual welcome and hospitality of the Yagyagan staff, and the joyful smiles of the kids, it makes it easy for us to return week after week. After spending time with the kids for over a year, I realized I wanted to visit their homes and meet the rest of their families.

In February 2012, I spent the whole day trekking up and down the hills of Yagyagan, visiting some of the families, and around 2pm, it started to rain, as I was told, it normally does.

As I was making my trek back to the main road (still forty minutes away) in what seemed like another rainstorm, I saw some of the kids running home, wrapped in large plastic bags where they either poked a hole for their head or tied their large garbage bag in such a creative way that their head would be sheltered from the rain. I had never seen anything like it – at least in a large mass of students! I could not believe it.  Every time it rains? Just like this?

As I finally got to the main road and waited for my jeepney to return home, I realized that I wanted to help out these kids. These kids had become my younger brothers and sisters and after seeing this, there was no way I could not do anything. The teachers told me that many of the students end up getting sick because of their trek to and from school, especially when weather conditions are pretty bad. Because most of the parents/guardians of these children are either low-wage farmers, vendors in the local community, or
unemployed, they don’t have the means to purchase rain protection for their children.

Knowing this, I had to act. With love, I present to you “Mission Kapote” which is an initiative to raise funds to provide raincoats for the entire school of Yagyagan Elementary School, which is approximately 132
students. With the rainy season heavily approaching in June, I am seeking both local and international donors to assist in this Mission and to keep our students dry! Any donation is greatly appreciated. Salamat po!

my holy week 2012

over holy week, i had the great opportunity to participate in the "pabasa ng pasyon" which is a filipino tradition translated as "reading of the passion." this was the third time i got to experience this rich tradition - the first time with my family in the PI, the second time at a parish in NY, and this time i got to experience it again at our family's home in marikina.

it is a narrative of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, and lasts many hours. when we did it on saturday night-sunday morning, it lasted 13 hours. non-stop chanting/singing. there are different tunes also to sing with each stanza. there was another family who kept it going the whole night! it's a community thing - so anytime during the day/night, people can just visit and join in for how every long or short they want! it's pretty cool. just no stopping! :) right after i got in to manila from baguio, i went straight to my nanay's house, started the rosary, the pabasa went for the next 13 hours, and then i closed it off with the rosary again. and boom - Palm Sunday! :)

.2 minutes from the pabasa in marikina this year. / april 2012.


.my experience in new york. / march 2010.



and here are some pictures:

the book you sing out of!

the altar :)

the people

afterwards, i went on a 5-day silent retreat over holy week! i was very grateful that my aunt offered to take me AND pick me up from the retreat site in cavite - that way, i didn't have to mess with traveling with all my stuff. super nice!

so this is where we slept (and yes, it was silent - so while we all slept in the same dorm, we didn't talk to each other)...i only knew one other person (who i didn't even know was gonna be at the retreat!) and so you're basically sleeping in a big room with a bunch of strangers. but a bunch of strangers that you know are on retreat for various God-given reasons. i was ok with that. :)

5-day retreatants on the right, 3-day retreatants on the left

where we slept. pretty sure this was the ONLY time the room was empty! i took advantage by taking a picture!

at various spots at the retreat center, there were quotations on silence, and i thought that helped create a nice ambiance.

scattered throughout the retreat grounds were tables and chairs, crosses and candles - that way, you can set up your own little prayer area any given time of the day. how awesome is that!

retreat essentials!

underneath trees, in the chapel, you could pray anywhere :)

the set up was like this for me - my spiritual director was Fr. Rudy Fernandez, SJ, and our group would meet with him two times a day. everyday there was breakfast, then merienda, then lunch, then merienda, and then dinner AND fresh juice from various delicious fruit trees that grew all around the site...so basically, i ate, slept, met with fr. rudy as a group, and then i would take him aside to pick his brain for wisdom whenever i felt inclined to talk about things, and then i prayed. a lot. i journaled, A LOT. i found that i ended up journaling more in these 5 days then i had journaled since i started the journal in mid-january. that's a situation! so good though and very much needed.

stations of the cross were placed on the trees.

i loved this tree thingy.

sunshine piercing through, always

a big part of the retreat for me was talking with fr. rudy fernandez, SJ. he was one of the most inspiring people i have ever met. he is an 82-year old Jesuit, and he shared with me so many stories. he reminded me of two people: Jesus and Mr. Miyagi from the next karate kid. he spent the majority of his life in japan, as the first Filipino Jesuit to be sent on a foreign mission. he sends mass text messages to his friends everyday with inspiring thoughts and reflections. he is a poet, a writer,  and such a beautiful person. people are so inspired by him that a group of individuals gathered his best text messages from the recent years and put them into a book called the "Text Book" - it is now being sold in Manila. um, awesome? yeah. very much so!

stolen shot

during the easter mass

whenever he would talk, i wrote as fast as i could to capture the gems of wisdom that he would share with us. i'm pretty sure i caught myself staring at him with big eyes, cause in my mind i think i was thinking, where did this guy come from? just so wise. one time i took him aside to talk about my life. that was a lonnnnnnggggg conversation, needless to say! eventually he said, "thank you for sharing this story with me, crystal. you showed me how loving and patient God has been with you." dang. i thought to myself, yeah, i think so too! surprisingly, he shared with me some same connections that he had with my story, which only affirmed that he was indeed the retreat director meant for me!

so important to look up

the second time i spoke with him, i asked him about freedom. he said, what about it? i said, just talk...and he just went off on a whole bunch of amazingness! he shared with me how sometimes he feels cheated cause Jesus never gave him an example of what a man in his 80s is supposed to be like (since jesus himself died in his early 30s), and then he shared with me what he felt Jesus told him, and so he shared with me, "so crystal, Jesus is saying to you, 'YOU show me what i would be like if i were a 26-year old female.' " in other words, if i am a living jesus, if YOU were a living jesus, how would we live our lives? of course, jesus does not want us to be Him - he wants us to be who WE are...but looking to Jesus as our model. how would that change our actions and non-actions? something to think about.

he shared with me that he started his mission life when he was 26 years old, and after i shared with him my story as a missioner, every time we saw each other, he would make some type of reference to the fact that we were both missionaries. he's such a wise, gentle man, and over the course of five days, he became one of my most favorite people ever.

one night i sat in adoration with the blessed sacrament for three hours. i would have stayed longer, as there was no one else in there, but i got scared cause it was super dark outside and i started hearing noises! AND as courageous as i am, i'm also a big scaredy cat when it comes to the dark. so i had to peace out early. i think Jesus was ok with that though. that was a special time for me because i got to just sit and be and talk and pray to Jesus. what ended up happening was me writing a whole bunch in my journal of things that i don't think i had ever been able to articulate before, and that was a freeing moment in itself.

chapel :)

after six months of feeling dry with new material,, one day i just sat on the couch and started writing. i realized i had written a poem and i was so flippin' happy because i had not written in forever! the night before our last day, i shared with fr. rudy that i was finally able to write my first poem (after reading his Text Book) - he said, "can you share it with me?" and so i did! i opened my journal, and he read it aloud! then, he said, "wow." and i said, YES! then i threw my fist in the air because i finally got something special down on paper. success!

beautiful days

walkway to the chapel from the dorm

looking back, i think in a way, this was a very "freeing" retreat for me. after the easter vigil mass, we were able to talk and we had a little party. all i know is that that night, i think we were all laughing and talking until 3am. well, i think i was talking, and everyone was trying to get me to sleep. but i couldn't help it - i was just feeling really energized with the company! haha, it happens. :) all the aunties went to sleep, but the 30-year old kids and me were talking the rest of the time. so much fun! of couse we had our early AM easter mass and that was not fun to wake up for. haha, but it was great!

green green everywhere

and so, life continues after the retreat, and i'm looking forward to what is next. regardless of when i am leaving the philippines, regardless under what circumstances, i am finding that with faith, i can't go wrong. :)

here are some of my favorites from fr. rudy:

his fave: "So God may make me wait, but he will never be late"

"the cross is the key that will turn and open the earth - open the key to life."

" thank you for listening, crystal. as you grow older, you need a captive audience. "

"when Jesus said seek and you shall find, don't run away looking for Him. he's just waiting for you to recognize him here and now."

"start with YES, end with THANKS...our two most beautiful words to God - YES and THANKS." - 1.1.10

"let prayer be telling God stories and listening to God telling stories. don't make your stories a monotonous litany of Please Gimme's. listen to others - they're God stories too!" - 5.7.10

"we should stop using being human as an excuse for failings. Matthew's gospel begins with a genealogy, at paints to show Jesus is fully human. it's grace to be human." - 12.17.07

'come, launch out into the deep - do not be afraid.' we will not learn to swim or catch fish in knee-dep water. we have to dare to go beyond our depth.'" -2.4.07

"wisdom be the harvest you reap from your experiences. more important than what happens is what you see in it and learn from it. and don't wait for special happenings. don't wait for feasts to feed. it is the daily bread that nourishes us." - 8.11.04

"it's good to ask Good questions, as a child wanting to know, not as an interrogator. and wait for His answer - which may take time, given in hint and whisper." - 12.1.05

"let us help others carry their cross - not be a cross to anyone...i will lighten their cross - not make it heavier."- fr. rudy fernandez, SJ

face your fears

oh wow, if you want to cry, like, for real...check out this beautiful film:

i would like to thank my God-sent, bestest friend out here, chelsea, for sharing with me this goodness, among other titles that hit way too close to home. she's the best!

prompted by the tailbone

since being in the philippines, i have experienced many things socially, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically...well, this post is to update you on how i'm doing physically. health is definitely of utmost importance anytime, anywhere, and i am realizing that especially when moving across the world, especially to a third-world country, the body can be out of whack even sooner than realized. having said this, i am so grateful that i have been healthy out here (knock on wood that it doesn't change!) and have suffered minimal physical ailments. WIN.

on the jeepney the other day after leaving the hospital for a check-up, i was thinking about my few visits to the hospital and anything medical related...so far, i have been to the neurologist (hit my head really hard and had to make sure all was ok), i got blood drawn to check my iron and potassium levels that sometimes suffer, i got a couple of cases of "sore eyes" in which case i needed some serious eye drops, i had a really really bad tummy situation over holy week last year when i was on retreat, where i had to resort to texting my doctor for some fast-acting meds, and then recently my tailbone has been hurting.

turns out i have coccydynia, which is like trauma to the coccyx (tailbone), which means, if it doesn't get better in 2-3 weeks, this girl is gonna get x-rays done. i hope it doesn't get to that. i never even suffered a fall out here, so the orthopedic doctor thinks it may be from an unexpected bump while i was riding on a jeepney...which is making me think that that actually may have been the cause. the jeepneys are so bumpy that this possibility may not be far from the truth. 2-3 times a day you can find me with a warm compress on my tailbone, and if that's not happening, then i'm sitting on a donut pillow. less than awesome, but i will do what i have to do instead of having to attack myself with painkillers, and then x-rays. i say no.

and so, thank God i am doing well out here! so even though it is painful to sit after a long period of time, and then to even stand up, it's getting better. just gotta make sure to always wash my hands so that nothing gets in my eyes, and then i have to resort to seeing an ophthalmologist again. yay! cheers to good health :) thank you for the prayers!

add it to the list

i need to watch this!

A documentary film investigating sex trafficking by Mimi Chakarova - www.priceofsex.org

The Price of Sex is a feature-length documentary about young Eastern European women who’ve been drawn into a netherworld of sex trafficking and abuse. Intimate, harrowing and revealing, it is a story told by the young women who were supposed to be silenced by shame, fear and violence. Photojournalist Mimi Chakarova, who grew up in Bulgaria, takes us on a personal investigative journey, exposing the shadowy world of sex trafficking from Eastern Europe to the Middle East and Western Europe. Filming undercover and gaining extraordinary access, Chakarova illuminates how even though some women escape to tell their stories, sex trafficking thrives.