transition, transition, transition. i'm adjusting. i thought i was gonna vomit the other day and tried my hardest to not jump out the window. i didn't, i'm in one piece...i thought my mind was gonna explode. then i prayed. hard. a lot, and it worked. then i slept really well. and i prayed, hard. and prayed some more, and my day was great. absolutely wonderful!
i feel so blessed...if only i were more patient...but i guess that's what happens with a type A personality like myself. i guess that's what happens when you get trained in such a linear, clear-cut way, in such a corporate setting, that once you get thrown into a complete counter-cultural way of life, things aren't as cut and dry, moments aren't so clear, and you end up wrestling with situations a little bit more than expected, hoped, or anticipated for. i think it's a great thing that i'm resilient, but moreso, point is, prayer works, and prayer is so good. openness. oh, so good.
SO GOOD. i'm smiling. :)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
life is like a box of chocolates
you know how forrest gump says that you can tell a lot about a person’s shoes? well, let me tell you. you can tell a lot by someone’s feet. Let’s talk about my feet for a couple minutes here. I have blisters, and unhealthy skin on my feet. Yeah, sounds gross, but let me elaborate. Clearly I have no problem discussing this, because my points and observations are way more important than the conditions of my feet. looking at the bright side of things, i have been able to find some good meaning behind this all. :)
so I have blisters on the back of my feet, from wearing flats. Yeah, I am used to wearing heels, and the heels I am used to wearing have not harmed my feet once. The moment I even try to invest in a pair of flats, of course, this is what happens. And these are wedges! And then we have blisters from a new pair of rainbows that I decided to purchase for myself. Since I had to dispose of my last rainbows, I had to invest in another pair, and as a result, blisters from the straps have developed…typical – it’s happened to me before…part of wearing those bad boys in. and then we have my other sandal flats which have ruined/harmed the bottoms of my feet for forever it seems. Haha, yeah that’s not a good thing. Clearly I have been doing a lot of dancing, a lot of walking, and a whole lot of walking. This has resulted in the conditions of my feet…let’s just say it’s painful to walk. But I’m doing really well hiding the pain. That doesn’t stop me from talking about it!
I suppose in a sense that my pilgrimage in new york has already begun where my phases of exploration have reflected themselves and made themselves known in the conditions in my feet. It is transition – the internal changes, it is the changes going on – the external changes in environment…there’s a lot going on. I am in the city where there is a lot to look at…a lot of sensory stuff and a lot of things to look at, and many distractions – a lot of hustle bustle, and amidst it all, there are people living, or surviving every day. Trying their very best. You see it on the subway, you see it when everyone is walking by with emotion or no emotion on their face…you see it, because you ask yourself, or I ask myself, what am I doing here? Who am I amidst this all?
Each day is a new adventure and my heart takes in and leaves out the wanted and unwanted givings of each moment and minute. I have already had multiple experiences where I tell strangers that approach me, I am a missioner that lives in a convent, and it creates the biggest shock, especially to those who do not share the same mindset, or have the background capacity to understand. Every time I say those words, I see it as a moment of testament and a moment to hear myself say what I am doing, and it already serves as a reminder as to why I am actually here. There is plenty of fruit waiting for me and being patient with me, and I truly believe that with God’s timing, all that is necessary to be revealed, will indeed make itself known, as it needs to. i just have to be patient with myself simultaneously.
Every moment on the subway, every moment walking avenue by avenue gives me the opportunity to reflect and think about this stuff, and reflect on myself, presently. There was a quote that I came across and it was basically like, to be fully alive, just be. And that my friend, is what I am choosing to do. No expectations, no judgments, try my best to be who I am, and just be. Allow it all to happen as it should. Just be. Damaged, tired, dirty feet and all, just be and I am as I am.
By having the courage to be herself, she put something wonderful in the world that was not there before. —Unknown
so I have blisters on the back of my feet, from wearing flats. Yeah, I am used to wearing heels, and the heels I am used to wearing have not harmed my feet once. The moment I even try to invest in a pair of flats, of course, this is what happens. And these are wedges! And then we have blisters from a new pair of rainbows that I decided to purchase for myself. Since I had to dispose of my last rainbows, I had to invest in another pair, and as a result, blisters from the straps have developed…typical – it’s happened to me before…part of wearing those bad boys in. and then we have my other sandal flats which have ruined/harmed the bottoms of my feet for forever it seems. Haha, yeah that’s not a good thing. Clearly I have been doing a lot of dancing, a lot of walking, and a whole lot of walking. This has resulted in the conditions of my feet…let’s just say it’s painful to walk. But I’m doing really well hiding the pain. That doesn’t stop me from talking about it!
I suppose in a sense that my pilgrimage in new york has already begun where my phases of exploration have reflected themselves and made themselves known in the conditions in my feet. It is transition – the internal changes, it is the changes going on – the external changes in environment…there’s a lot going on. I am in the city where there is a lot to look at…a lot of sensory stuff and a lot of things to look at, and many distractions – a lot of hustle bustle, and amidst it all, there are people living, or surviving every day. Trying their very best. You see it on the subway, you see it when everyone is walking by with emotion or no emotion on their face…you see it, because you ask yourself, or I ask myself, what am I doing here? Who am I amidst this all?
Each day is a new adventure and my heart takes in and leaves out the wanted and unwanted givings of each moment and minute. I have already had multiple experiences where I tell strangers that approach me, I am a missioner that lives in a convent, and it creates the biggest shock, especially to those who do not share the same mindset, or have the background capacity to understand. Every time I say those words, I see it as a moment of testament and a moment to hear myself say what I am doing, and it already serves as a reminder as to why I am actually here. There is plenty of fruit waiting for me and being patient with me, and I truly believe that with God’s timing, all that is necessary to be revealed, will indeed make itself known, as it needs to. i just have to be patient with myself simultaneously.
Every moment on the subway, every moment walking avenue by avenue gives me the opportunity to reflect and think about this stuff, and reflect on myself, presently. There was a quote that I came across and it was basically like, to be fully alive, just be. And that my friend, is what I am choosing to do. No expectations, no judgments, try my best to be who I am, and just be. Allow it all to happen as it should. Just be. Damaged, tired, dirty feet and all, just be and I am as I am.
By having the courage to be herself, she put something wonderful in the world that was not there before. —Unknown
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
reverence for the individual
i lose track of the days, and for that, i apologize. monday was a good day, one that seems like such a blur! we were pretty much all over the lower east side yesterday, met a jewish white man who is married to a filipina lady and turns out that he owns a little filipino restaurant close by in gramercy. delicious! i also realized in that conversation that so happened to turn out to be a 15 minute convo, that whenever me, mary and michelle travel anywhere, an expected 5 minute stop turns out way longer than expected. our stories are complex, and even just the simple question, "what do you do out here?" turns into a drawn out conversation and explanation about our mission and ministry with mother cabrini. haha, welp! that's the way it goes!
the guys at cvs know us, we make friends with the people at walgreens, dunkin donuts love mary...but let's be honest. we gotta do what we gotta do. we're missioners. :) we also played in central park yesterday! well, we had a little picnic and rewarded ourselves with baskin robbin ice cream! so good. gold medal ribbon, you are DELICIOUS, so tasty!
today was a good one...michelle and i had to attend a catholic teacher conference for the catholic school teachers in the archidiocese of new york. i know, you're jealous. that was pretty much the whole day, attending a keynote speaker and a couple of workshops, and then went off to treat ourselves at dylan's candy shop! yes. that's right, be jealous. i got birthday cake ice cream in a sugar cone of course, and my heart was happy with that decision. we practiced our child labor skills by sweeping in front of our good ol' place of living and refuge, and i find that whenever we partake in this chore, i always meet the most random people.
haha the best is when i let the strangers know we live there, and then their first question is, " are you a nun?" - no - "are you going to be one?" - i don't know? no? - hahaha it's awesome. we made sister names for ourselves, and since sister crystal just does not flow well...mine is sister mary grace, if that ever comes to be a reality. EVER. grace is my middle name...so we'll see about that one! THEN....the night began...AND we did free salsa...in the street. YUP. be jealous...mary got us into it, and michelle knows her stuff, and now i like it, after dancing with an old asian man who was turning me and salsa-ing me for a good 20 minutes straight. shoot.
ANDDDD turns out i will be continuing my capoeira practice!! woohooo! i just need to talk to the mestre and see how i can volunteer my time in exchange for free classes a couple of times a week. :) YUP...done and DONE. brazilian martial arts, here i come....<3
...and THIS is my ministry. :)
the guys at cvs know us, we make friends with the people at walgreens, dunkin donuts love mary...but let's be honest. we gotta do what we gotta do. we're missioners. :) we also played in central park yesterday! well, we had a little picnic and rewarded ourselves with baskin robbin ice cream! so good. gold medal ribbon, you are DELICIOUS, so tasty!
today was a good one...michelle and i had to attend a catholic teacher conference for the catholic school teachers in the archidiocese of new york. i know, you're jealous. that was pretty much the whole day, attending a keynote speaker and a couple of workshops, and then went off to treat ourselves at dylan's candy shop! yes. that's right, be jealous. i got birthday cake ice cream in a sugar cone of course, and my heart was happy with that decision. we practiced our child labor skills by sweeping in front of our good ol' place of living and refuge, and i find that whenever we partake in this chore, i always meet the most random people.
haha the best is when i let the strangers know we live there, and then their first question is, " are you a nun?" - no - "are you going to be one?" - i don't know? no? - hahaha it's awesome. we made sister names for ourselves, and since sister crystal just does not flow well...mine is sister mary grace, if that ever comes to be a reality. EVER. grace is my middle name...so we'll see about that one! THEN....the night began...AND we did free salsa...in the street. YUP. be jealous...mary got us into it, and michelle knows her stuff, and now i like it, after dancing with an old asian man who was turning me and salsa-ing me for a good 20 minutes straight. shoot.
ANDDDD turns out i will be continuing my capoeira practice!! woohooo! i just need to talk to the mestre and see how i can volunteer my time in exchange for free classes a couple of times a week. :) YUP...done and DONE. brazilian martial arts, here i come....<3
...and THIS is my ministry. :)
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