let go [and let God]

on Mt 11: 25-30...(from The Anawim Way)

Jesus is talking about true humility in today’s gospel – the recognition that we do not know everything, and that we are not in charge of everything. If we are little, we know that we are not the ones who made the world; nor did we make all the rules about what is right and wrong. Even our own lives are gifts to us. To be little is also to recall our sin and that Jesus is the one who saves us from our sin. To be little is to follow God and not to tell him how we think things should be, but to let God tell us how things should be, and to know that he is right.

At prayer, Sr. T and I reflected on the gospel a while back when Jesus said (along the lines of), everything has not yet been revealed to you because it is not yet time…and well, we reflected on this gospel, everything came together for us. I love how we are both external processors, and so, our prayer times together become one joint discernment on a matter, in the chapel. It’s brilliant.

I recall a conversation with my mom, where I was just venting a lot of my frustrations with some of the challenges and obstacles I am facing here, and my mom blatantly said to me, “well, crys, you can’t control everything.” In that simple phrase which she said, I realized, wow, she’s right. I’m not in control – I never was, I never will be…and I am not functioning here 100% completely on my own. To say that and claim that I was, would be quite incorrect of me, and pretty presumptuous at the same time.

I reflect on this Gospel and I think it is an important one. I think the reflection does a good job of laying everything out there too.

I guess specifically, here on mission, it is not an easy ride. It’s not just cruisin’ through and traveling and all roses. It just isn’t – if that was the truth, then no doubt I think everybody would jump on this bandwagon! On the flip side, living mission is living reality…staring at reality in the face, many times literally making decisions and discussing and working with the faces of our brothers and sisters who are in serious need. It’s not easy!

But the consolation here, is that I am not in charge. I am not in control. Yes, sometimes I may think that I know what is best, but true humility at its core, is knowing my place and accepting that I do not know everything. And that is difficult, especially when there is a lot of passion for a cause, involved. But, again, I do not know everything. Wow, the reality!

That does not mean that I am not able to make change because yes, I have learned how to speak out and share my insights and take action towards the progressive change that I first-handedly witness and want to see accomplished…but rather, I am reminded to walk with true humility. I am not in charge – and in a sense, thank God for that! sometimes I think it would be easier if I just jumped to the top (I tend to try to do that sometimes), but at the same time, I am still discovering my traits as a leader and learning how to mobilize myself, to be most effective to serve others in community. everyday is a new chance to learn…and sometimes my frustrations do overshadow the “learning moments.” But those “learning moments” eventually surface themselves, so that’s a good thing.

When passion runs deep and there is the feeling of helplessness, it can certainly get discouraging and it can be easy to just try to take control and take charge. But the catch is that in every action, we are still called to follow God – yes, I can vent my frustrations, and fight all I want, but at the end of the day, the way of God will prevail, and it is important to trust in that. Trust. What a concept. And to not lose hope. Hopelessness – another common feeling of volunteers and missioners and the like (all who attempt to do good and make change)… but, through those pitfalls, it is important to rise back up and overcome.

“Even our own lives are gifts to us.” I agree! My life is a blessing and I pray that I may continue to listen closely to the call of God, in order that I may follow, and live the most fulfilling life that was planned for me. I’m looking forward to discovering this! How beautiful it would be if we, everyday, treated our lives as an absolute gift.