hello friends! the time has come for another update! let me make this easy on you (which i think this will somewhat be how i begin my upcoming blog entries, for efficient and organizational purposes!) - SUBTITLES!
I MISO Reflection - not the soup
II Time between MISO and Now
III Countdown to the PI
IV Good Book - Praying Our Goodbyes
V "Lights On" Program
VI Quote on my Mind
I MISO - Maryknoll International Service Orientation - July 8-23 - Ossining, NY
Yes, i left new york on the 23rd of june, to make it ontime for my best friends' wedding (to one another - love them) at USD, then headed back to NY on july 8th to attend MISO with about 33 other missionaries from various programs (Holy Cross Lay Missioners, Salesian Lay Missioners, Response Ability Volunteers, Mercy Corps, and of course, Cabrini!). We had sesssions on staying healthy overseas, we prayed rosaries at night in the tabernacle/choir loft, we held impromptu praise and worship sessions, we discussed lots, we voiced our opinions, lots, we learned about Inculturation, we saw different ways of approaching conflicts, we discussed the importance of community, we talked about maintaining and how to maintain healthy relationships, we talked race, we talked reality, and we talked mission. WHY are we doing what we are doing? when was it that we each received a call? what is driving us, motivating us, pushing us forward to do what we are about to do for 1-2 years?
many of the people i was with have indeed received a lot of negative energies surrounding their mission, whether it be from parents, friends, family, and we would discuss that. it was certainly a beautiful thing to be surrounded by other young adults who had hearts full of desire to serve as ministers the best way they can. i went into the training thinking that i would be receiving a cross-cultural experience, as i learned about other ethnic cultures and countries...however, i discovered something different. God showed me, as i was exposed to, different perspectives on the catholic church and the way that it was expressed by other young adults. growing up in southern orange county, i have found that my understandings, my practices, my understanding of faith, is different from others who grew up in different places. the range of opinions went all along the gamet from conservative to liberal on any given topic, and truly, truly, it called for a time to learn from one another, and yet, despite differences, appreciate each other, and what each person brought to the table/discussion. grace-filled for sure.
through orientation, i am convinced that each and every one of the people i met, WILL in fact, change the world somehow. if not in HUGE ways, definitely within their communities and in their ministries, and that itself, is HUGE. brazil, uganda, rwanda, india, ethiopia, chile, the list goes on...it is so great and it was such a blessing to meet remarkable individuals with such blessed journeys ahead of them!
it was definitely different attending orientation without my sisters, mary and michelle at my side, but it helped to be in communication with them, to have their support and prayers. gina, our director, came out for a couple of days, and that was one of the highlights of my time at orientation! familiarity and wisdom = best combination for where i was at in orientation (towards the end). it was perfect timing, if you will. during orientation we had a couple of free days, and one of the days, i got to visit Columbus Community (my community of sisters in NY), and got to have dinner and pray with them before heading back to Ossining. i would have to say that that timing was absolutely perfect. i was missing cabrini, i wanted to see the sisters, and that break for a couple of hours was exactly what my soul needed. i came back to orientation rejuvenated and ready to take on the next workshops. so thankful i was for that opportunity to head over to gramercy park, just one last time!
and in two and a half weeks, after hopping on the metro north down to grand central station, i was on my way to the airport. MISO was over. july 23rd.
II Time Between MISO and Now
after leaving MISO, i got home in the late evening around 11:30pm, packed my bags, because at 7am, i would be heading out to san francisco to hang out with some of my cousins. spent time in the city, hiked, and my cousin andrew found a labyrinth for me, because he knows i'm obsessed, we walked it, then later on, my cousin rochelle, also took me to another labyrinth - land's end! that one was pretty awesome because it was overlooking the water and it was made of rocks. ironically enough, the man who created the labyrinth was there and he had a video guy with him. the video guy was creating a video on the labyrinth, and he interviewed me on my thoughts about it. soooo i went off about how i love labyrinths because of their meditative quality, and i talked about how it is such a great tool for contemplation! apparently he thought it was profound, while i thought i could have been way more articulate, but hey, it worked, and i got to enjoy the labyrinth :) check it out: http://www.laberinthos.com/ - apparently it was ruined a couple of times, one time by an individual who was very angry at some personal events in his life, and then returned and met the creator of it. super interesting.
after my fun time in san francisco, that next weekend, i went with some of my girlfriends to las vegas, and we had a blast - dancing and enjoying our upgraded suite at planet hollywood. eating earl's sandwiches and hangin' out by the pool, and just having a good time, the heat didn't stop us! after my time in vegas, it brought me to august 2nd. august would be spent in socal. no more trips for me. the next time i use my suitcase, it will be for the PI. and so here we go!
III Countdown to the PI
Leaving on the 18th. follow-up dentist appointment next week, went to the doctor's, got all the tests done, got all the shots, got my eye appointment, ordered my year and a half supply (they wouldn't let me order more!) of toric lens contacts, started sifting through the books that i absolutely need to bring with me to baguio, and no, i have not yet started packing. the countdown is on, and it will be the 18th before i know it. and that, my friends, is where i am at, with this whole "physically getting ready" process of the move on mission. it's a struggle. :)
this weekend i have been given the awesome opportunity of speaking at my parish about my past year of mission with cabrini mission corps in new york. i'm doing one mass on saturday, four masses on sunday, and i made this huge posterboard with fun pictures and different images that have guided me this past year. i'm excited to share my story, and that excitement led me to email the monsignor at my church to see if this would be possible. ask, and you shall receive! woohoo!
and before you know it, it will be next week, which is when my sister is coming into town, it is more cousins coming into town, it will be my cousin's birthday party at the park, then i get to give a talk at a young adult gathering at my church, again, talking about mission! woohoo! THEN, it's my goodbye party, then it's goodbye, for REAL. uh oh. ok, ...moving on. :)
IV Good Book - Praying Our Goodbyes
one of the greatest joys in coming home to california, has been in being reunited with some of my best friends out here. it is perfect timing to have united with everyone at andrew and lena's wedding at USD because right now, we are all going through some crazy life transitions. one was a teacher and joined JVI and is now in micronesia, another graduated with a masters from BC, and is also now with JVI and will be going to chile, i am going to the philippines, another will be starting a BFA requiring a new move, another is moving to louisiana to get her MSW, there are crazy, crazy, transitions going on amidst everyone in our close group of friends, and so this theme of transition, and goodbye has been individually on each of our hearts, and so, of course, we would collaborate and talk about the fact that we knew or at least understood how the other person was feeling.
because it has been so difficult to say goodbye to new york, to mary and michelle, to the sisters, and i myself, am in deep transition, gina gave me praying our goodbyes by joyce rupp. this book, is remarkable. so profound, and so perfect, really, just so appropriate to this time in my life. despite any physical distances, joyce is able to bring together the importance of prayer, kinship and the drawing of souls to one another, in the spiritual sense. sure it sounds hoakey, but joyce points out how jesus too, experienced being called to bring his ministry elsewhere, and to leave his friends, the disciples. jesus had emotions, but there was also the presence of God, and acceptance, and faith, that helped jesus to thrive through it all. this book, is just, that good. so good!
V "Lights On" Program
one of the priests at my church, said a mass at Mission San Juan Capistrano, and because i have been meaning to check out the life teen program at the basilica, i was able to make it out there. in the bulletin, i read about the "lights on" program, which was a program that served inmates immediately released from jail. as soon as i read that they needed volunteers, i immediately jumped on the opportunity because i wanted to find out more.
well, that's where i was tonight.
this is one of the coolest programs i have heard about, and basically "lights on" is an RV that parks outside of the jail (about 30 minutes from where i live - via freeway!) and it operates between 10pm-4am, which is when inmates are generally released, usually onto the streets with little or no resources for re-entry. i was talking with the deacon i had been in contact with, and he told me that these late hours are the prime time when inmates are released, all because of funding purposes. i was overwhelmed with awe that this program exists, because as i thought about it, how beautiful it is that this service is provided for immediately released inmates. it's true, sometimes inmates are not given sufficient notice prior to their release, to arrange for family members/friends to pick them up, and the next thing you know, they are stuck in a dangerous situation a couple miles down.
the mere presence of an RV, providing clothes, supplies, licorice, hot coffee, cold water, pizza, cookies, and candy, is a strong enough safe haven, if even for a little while. spending a small amount of time at the RV reminded me that, no, crystal, you may not be busy each and every minute of your time outside with a released inmate, but just in providing this presence for others, that is more than enough. i just am such a big fan of this program already, and i wish others would jump onboard with this. this also got me looking forward to my mission in the philippines, whatever is to come with that. :) i'm open.
...and there you have it. i'm doing well. mother cabrini has her eye on me, for sure. and jesus, well, i feel like i have given Him many reasons to laugh lately. all is well, and wow, still can't believe new york is done. for now. :)
VI Quote on my Mind...
Our first task in approaching another people, another culture, another religion is to take off our shoes, for the place we are approaching is holy. Else we may find ourselves treading on men's dreams. More serious still we may forget that God was here before our arrival. ~ Raymond Hammer // I find so much comfort in this, because it just relieves so much stress and any expectations that we may place on ourselves anytime we enter a new place. God is already there. As a missioner, God is inviting me into that space. How awesome is that. Enough said. :)
Showing posts with label california. Show all posts
Showing posts with label california. Show all posts
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
..all with thanks to Mother Cabrini
Mother Cabrini was canonized on july 7, 1946, and so I thought it only fitting that I dedicate this entry to her. Here goes!
Mother Cabrini, whenever you come up in conversation, which has been quite often in the approximate last two weeks that I have been home, I can not help but say, “dude, I swear, mother cabrini is still alive – she’s still present to us!” and that, is really how it has been.
Meeting with sister regina up in Burbank a couple of days ago was so refreshing. It was so good to be around an MSC and to hear all of her stories. She told me the story of how the large conference room/hall ended up being named and dedicated to Mother Cabrini…she told me about the Lenten meal that she prepared for those who came, and instead of a traditional soup kitchen that typically ended up like a pseudo soup competition, she fed them simple meals out of empty tuna cans and empty soup cans. She told me about how she would sometimes light the biggest candles for her petitions, hoping that that would make a difference with her prayer. She introduced me to the term, “cabrini-ize.” She said something like, “you know, he had no idea that he was about to get cabrini-ized – I was gonna show him Mother Cabrini’s ways of boldness. You know, I tell people it’s like a mission of the big toe.” I didn’t really understand it at first, and then once she explained it, it made complete sense!
Basically, she said, “picture a door about to close, but a big toe keeping it open. No matter what – that toe is going to keep it from shutting – always getting your way somehow!” it immediately reminded me of mother cabrini’s boldness and zeal, and how that has influenced itself into the charism of the sisters and is so truthfully reflected when I hear stories of the sisters’ missions, even in the most terrible of times. When mother cabrini was denied upon first coming to new york, she stayed, and faithfully fulfilled her mission. When the sisters first arrived in the Philippines and were also denied, they stayed, were faithful, struggled a bit, a lot, and were able to set up the mission…the big toe strikes, still to this day. That’s for sure.
We recently received a new priest to our church, and my mom and I had the great privilege of having him over for breakfast. I woke up at my typical 10am that I have been waking up at during my time at home, and sure enough, call my mom to see where she is, and she picks up the phone, and all I hear is, “oh, Father, want to have breakfast at our house?” // “ok, sure!”…and there we have it! it was so great to hear about his background coming from a Burmese family, being initially raised in a Baptist family, and previously serving as a pastor at a parish in Missouri. He asked me about myself, and I told him I was a missionary with the Cabrini Sisters aka Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus…and he immediately responded, “I have a great devotion to Mother Cabrini.” I ran over to the statue that I got my mom of Mother Cabrini and the two children, and I got super excited, I showed it to him, as if to prove the validity of my statement. Haha! I would.
He told me that when he lived in Chicago, the parish he belonged to was St. Clement’s, which is where Mother Cabrini would go to church, and…eventually he was able to visit the Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden, CO! apparently, when he was discerning priesthood, knowing that Mother Cabrini was the patroness of immigrants, he and his friend visited the Shrine, and he offered a dozen roses to Mother Cabrini, laying them at her statue, and asked for assistance if it be God’s will for him to be a priest. Later, he was ordained as a priest and on that day, his friend, who was not necessarily the most hardcore-believing Catholic said, “I know Mother Cabrini is real!”
it was great to hear this story, and I shared with him stories from the shrine at the high school in NY, and how mother cabrini found my mom first, then found me. it was a great start to a morning – just finding that connection, and seeing him get excited about the connection to mother cabrini, it was awesome!
Yesterday morning, I had the great privilege of attending the men’s club breakfast. This parish club meets every Wednesday for breakfast at 6:30am to share faith, dive into scripture, pray, and eat a delicious meal together. Throughout the past year of my mission in new york, the men’s club found out about my mission, through one of its leaders, mr. Thomas, who is also the neighbor down the street from my house, and since then, they have been sending me cards with prayers and love and support. To thank them, I brought them fruit that my mom so wonderfully prepared for them, in this huge basket. Mr. Thomas invited me to the breakfast and told me that the club wanted to hear stories from my mission and get updated on what I have been doing. Grateful, I came!
There were about 12 of them or so, and I had the awesome opportunity to share my mission story with them…I found myself just gushing with excitement and joy as I spoke about my past year, and one of the questions I received was, “what was one of your biggest challenges while you were there?” it was interesting to answer that question because at first, I was like, hmm…I really had to think about it, but I think the biggest challenge for me was just in the transition of the new way of living – living communally, and just adjusting. It was an awesome realization though when I was able to get in touch with the fact that, I didn’t feel like any challenge was super overwhelming or that there would be no way of redemption in any situation. There was always this faithfulness and this goodness that God provided me, almost immediately, always in every obstacle/situation, and that helped me, tremendously. Especially for my most impatient self. Sure there were days that were gross, but I knew that feeling wouldn’t last long. And even if it did, there was a peace there.
Other questions I got were, “what do your friends think?” it was great to answer this question because I was immediately overcome with gratitude. My bestest friends are so supportive of me, many of them do or have done the same time of ministry, sometimes in different capacities, but the hearts of my friends are in line and understanding of this choice that I have made in my life. and that is how I know I am surrounded by good people. Could not be more thankful!
Later that morning, I spent time talking with an old friend from our youth ministry days at the church – caught up, talked about his plight with discernment for the priesthood, and talked about the future of the church. It was such an enriching time filled with conversation that I was legitimately interested in having, and it is just so good to see that yes, our generation is still alive, still kickin’, and yes, we are involved in our faith! When I was at the men’s club breakfast, one of them told me that I was an inspiration and that I provided him with hope because until that morning, he was not confident in our generation within the church. That made me sad because I guess from my perspective, I see it firsthand – I see young people, lots of them, with the desire to be more involved, to really carry out the Gospel with their feet…but I do suppose there is that gap and lack of communication among older and younger generations, so that makes sense too.
But I have faith in our generation, it’ll be good. Deacon Eddie prayed over me with the others, and definitely quoted psalm 139, and I almost lost it, with thanksgiving for the holy spirit giving him those words, and with thanksgiving for that time to share my mission story with people who were legitimately interested in hearing mission and call.
I have been beyond blessed by this past year serving as a missioner with Cabrini Mission Corps, and I could not be more thankful to Mother Cabrini for sharing her ways and drawing me in. such goodness!
And here I am, in the Atlanta airport, waiting to get to LGA, where I will then meet mary, wish her off to Ecuador, and make my own little mission to maryknoll orientation with other mission-minded young adults. Woohoo!
Mother Cabrini, whenever you come up in conversation, which has been quite often in the approximate last two weeks that I have been home, I can not help but say, “dude, I swear, mother cabrini is still alive – she’s still present to us!” and that, is really how it has been.
Meeting with sister regina up in Burbank a couple of days ago was so refreshing. It was so good to be around an MSC and to hear all of her stories. She told me the story of how the large conference room/hall ended up being named and dedicated to Mother Cabrini…she told me about the Lenten meal that she prepared for those who came, and instead of a traditional soup kitchen that typically ended up like a pseudo soup competition, she fed them simple meals out of empty tuna cans and empty soup cans. She told me about how she would sometimes light the biggest candles for her petitions, hoping that that would make a difference with her prayer. She introduced me to the term, “cabrini-ize.” She said something like, “you know, he had no idea that he was about to get cabrini-ized – I was gonna show him Mother Cabrini’s ways of boldness. You know, I tell people it’s like a mission of the big toe.” I didn’t really understand it at first, and then once she explained it, it made complete sense!
Basically, she said, “picture a door about to close, but a big toe keeping it open. No matter what – that toe is going to keep it from shutting – always getting your way somehow!” it immediately reminded me of mother cabrini’s boldness and zeal, and how that has influenced itself into the charism of the sisters and is so truthfully reflected when I hear stories of the sisters’ missions, even in the most terrible of times. When mother cabrini was denied upon first coming to new york, she stayed, and faithfully fulfilled her mission. When the sisters first arrived in the Philippines and were also denied, they stayed, were faithful, struggled a bit, a lot, and were able to set up the mission…the big toe strikes, still to this day. That’s for sure.
We recently received a new priest to our church, and my mom and I had the great privilege of having him over for breakfast. I woke up at my typical 10am that I have been waking up at during my time at home, and sure enough, call my mom to see where she is, and she picks up the phone, and all I hear is, “oh, Father, want to have breakfast at our house?” // “ok, sure!”…and there we have it! it was so great to hear about his background coming from a Burmese family, being initially raised in a Baptist family, and previously serving as a pastor at a parish in Missouri. He asked me about myself, and I told him I was a missionary with the Cabrini Sisters aka Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus…and he immediately responded, “I have a great devotion to Mother Cabrini.” I ran over to the statue that I got my mom of Mother Cabrini and the two children, and I got super excited, I showed it to him, as if to prove the validity of my statement. Haha! I would.
He told me that when he lived in Chicago, the parish he belonged to was St. Clement’s, which is where Mother Cabrini would go to church, and…eventually he was able to visit the Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden, CO! apparently, when he was discerning priesthood, knowing that Mother Cabrini was the patroness of immigrants, he and his friend visited the Shrine, and he offered a dozen roses to Mother Cabrini, laying them at her statue, and asked for assistance if it be God’s will for him to be a priest. Later, he was ordained as a priest and on that day, his friend, who was not necessarily the most hardcore-believing Catholic said, “I know Mother Cabrini is real!”
it was great to hear this story, and I shared with him stories from the shrine at the high school in NY, and how mother cabrini found my mom first, then found me. it was a great start to a morning – just finding that connection, and seeing him get excited about the connection to mother cabrini, it was awesome!
Yesterday morning, I had the great privilege of attending the men’s club breakfast. This parish club meets every Wednesday for breakfast at 6:30am to share faith, dive into scripture, pray, and eat a delicious meal together. Throughout the past year of my mission in new york, the men’s club found out about my mission, through one of its leaders, mr. Thomas, who is also the neighbor down the street from my house, and since then, they have been sending me cards with prayers and love and support. To thank them, I brought them fruit that my mom so wonderfully prepared for them, in this huge basket. Mr. Thomas invited me to the breakfast and told me that the club wanted to hear stories from my mission and get updated on what I have been doing. Grateful, I came!
There were about 12 of them or so, and I had the awesome opportunity to share my mission story with them…I found myself just gushing with excitement and joy as I spoke about my past year, and one of the questions I received was, “what was one of your biggest challenges while you were there?” it was interesting to answer that question because at first, I was like, hmm…I really had to think about it, but I think the biggest challenge for me was just in the transition of the new way of living – living communally, and just adjusting. It was an awesome realization though when I was able to get in touch with the fact that, I didn’t feel like any challenge was super overwhelming or that there would be no way of redemption in any situation. There was always this faithfulness and this goodness that God provided me, almost immediately, always in every obstacle/situation, and that helped me, tremendously. Especially for my most impatient self. Sure there were days that were gross, but I knew that feeling wouldn’t last long. And even if it did, there was a peace there.
Other questions I got were, “what do your friends think?” it was great to answer this question because I was immediately overcome with gratitude. My bestest friends are so supportive of me, many of them do or have done the same time of ministry, sometimes in different capacities, but the hearts of my friends are in line and understanding of this choice that I have made in my life. and that is how I know I am surrounded by good people. Could not be more thankful!
Later that morning, I spent time talking with an old friend from our youth ministry days at the church – caught up, talked about his plight with discernment for the priesthood, and talked about the future of the church. It was such an enriching time filled with conversation that I was legitimately interested in having, and it is just so good to see that yes, our generation is still alive, still kickin’, and yes, we are involved in our faith! When I was at the men’s club breakfast, one of them told me that I was an inspiration and that I provided him with hope because until that morning, he was not confident in our generation within the church. That made me sad because I guess from my perspective, I see it firsthand – I see young people, lots of them, with the desire to be more involved, to really carry out the Gospel with their feet…but I do suppose there is that gap and lack of communication among older and younger generations, so that makes sense too.
But I have faith in our generation, it’ll be good. Deacon Eddie prayed over me with the others, and definitely quoted psalm 139, and I almost lost it, with thanksgiving for the holy spirit giving him those words, and with thanksgiving for that time to share my mission story with people who were legitimately interested in hearing mission and call.
I have been beyond blessed by this past year serving as a missioner with Cabrini Mission Corps, and I could not be more thankful to Mother Cabrini for sharing her ways and drawing me in. such goodness!
And here I am, in the Atlanta airport, waiting to get to LGA, where I will then meet mary, wish her off to Ecuador, and make my own little mission to maryknoll orientation with other mission-minded young adults. Woohoo!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
caramel gets me every time.
soooo my mom bought caramel delites - the girl scout cookies. i don't think i've ever had them before in my life - i'm aware of samoas and trefoils and the tagalongs and like everything else...but never the caramel delites! anyway, they're so delicious that i had probably like 12 or 15 of them since i've been home. my mom specifically bought me these cookies.
BOOM. that's the problem. they're cookies!! totally gave it up for lent, and totally forgot. HAHAHA, oops? and if i recall, i definitely had some cookies at columbus that the sisters had bought too.
i feel like because they don't look like typical chocolate chip cookies or typical snickerdoodles that so normally catch my eye and tastebuds, that's why i didn't even think twice about the fact that they ARE cookies. ugh, but really?
haha, but now i know. so now, i wait. hmph! project lenten sacrifice fail. typical - i WOULD give in to the cookies. on accident though. :)
that is my confession.
BOOM. that's the problem. they're cookies!! totally gave it up for lent, and totally forgot. HAHAHA, oops? and if i recall, i definitely had some cookies at columbus that the sisters had bought too.
i feel like because they don't look like typical chocolate chip cookies or typical snickerdoodles that so normally catch my eye and tastebuds, that's why i didn't even think twice about the fact that they ARE cookies. ugh, but really?
haha, but now i know. so now, i wait. hmph! project lenten sacrifice fail. typical - i WOULD give in to the cookies. on accident though. :)
that is my confession.
ad maiorem Dei gloriam
Sister Grace would always say something along the lines of, everything happens in God's time, and God is always ontime.
This week, I had the blessed opportunity to be missioned to California to spread the word of Cabrini Mission Corps at my alma mater, USD, and at LA college, LMU. In addition, I get to volunteer at LA Congress for the 4th year in a row! woohooo! for that, I am grateful, and for that, I am super stoked to be here!
It has already been quite the whirlwind, since my 3 hour flight delay leaving la guardia airport on early saturday morning. mary had told me that she wanted to take me to the airport, and so we planned to leave at 7:45am...well, she came in at 8am, and i realized i was still in bed. oops! her, michelle, and i ventured to the airport, and why is parting so difficult! not a good set up for what is to come with the inevitable departure in june, but it was wonderful to be sent off by my sisters themselves.
after the hours of sitting on the runway, got on the plane, only to freak out and wonder if i would miss my connection - sure enough...time past, we were still on the runway, getting into the air, and it was my connection flight...about to leave...in chicago. awesome. i get to chicago only to find that that flight too was delayed - thank you Lord. get on the plane, sit on the runway for a little longer and i end up sitting next to a girl who is in her first year of college at john hopkins and she's from dana point, and right next to me is a 22 year old, who looks like she could be 30, and she's from alabama. we exchanged life stories (kinda), and at the end of it, she told me to wait to have a kid (she had one when she was 17), she told me about the book fireproof (a book on love), and said to have fun before i buckle down with anything. she asked me if i was engaged - i noticed her staring at my ring, but she would nonchalantly look away and looked kinda confused especially when i said no, but it was ok. she was visiting her marine husband in camp pendleton and was so antsy throughout the flight. meanwhile, i fell asleep with uncle jim's book in hand - the jesuit's guide to [almost] everything. woke up and we were descending. perfect!
it was great to be reunited with my mom and spend some time with her. sunday morning i got to sing at mass, and it was one of the funnest times i've ever had singing. it could have been the songs for that day, it could have been that i could actually see people singing along with the choir, but particularly, we got to sing lead me home by matt maher. that song resounded in my ears as i prepared for mission corps. it's on the "drive to work" playlist i would have on my ipod - it's what i would listen to when i would be driving to work in LA, wondering what's next for my life...we got to sing it, and i think i sang that pretty loud. my mom said she could hear me on the mic. that's always fun. haha, but i guess i'm pretty loud anyway. :) so i thought that was a totally unexpected blessing, and it helped me reflect on where i am, what i am doing, and affirmed me with joy through it all. all i thought about through mass was, disponibilita. how that resounded in my mind and in my heart? i have no idea, but i think the fact that there's portraits of some american saints, including mother cabrini, lined along the walls by the choir, facilitated those feelings a little bit. it got me excited!
driving down the 5 freeway to san diego, i had so many urges to to stop on the side of the road and take pictures. i didn't, cause i was just anxious to get out of my car and be in the city that helped shape who i was through college, but it was absolutely gorgeous. there were times when i was just thinking, i need mary and michelle in here - they need to see this! it was absolutely beautiful. i'm not someone for the outdoors, or nature, or anything of the sort, but i guess doing without the sun in new york really sharpens my senses of sunshine and yellow, here in southern california.
got to san diego and was greeted by ben and rochelle. loved catching up and loved hearing stories. then the other roomies came, and it was such a great time! i could not help but just listen, smile, affirm, and celebrate. we all went to mass at founders and i had the opportunity to talk with graduating seniors and other students after the mass to talk Cabrini Mission Corps placements and application process. the more i talked about it, the more excited i got to be a missioner. someone said, "it helps to have a face go with the program!" that made me happy cause i was like, phew! so my presence does matter. i got to see some of my freshman residents (when i was an RA) who are now seniors. why can they pick me up? crazy! i saw one of my students' sister, who attends USD and she was saying that she has yet to meet one dominican. i said, YUP. that's EXACTLY how i was, when i left southern california. i was still pretty convinced for short, i would call them dominican republican. yup, my worldview was completely off in that aspect...little did i know the beauty and the richness of that which is dominican up in the heights and in the world. so beautiful!
being in founders chapel was pretty nostalgic and surges of emotions just came over me the whole time. the altar, with jesus on the cross and the women all around him, was still more powerful than ever. this was the place where i loved, where i broke down, where i prayed, where i would run to in the middle of the night when i had nowhere else to go (i would usually drag someone with me cause i get scared of the dark...haha, figures), it's the place where we would celebrate God's love, where i had my embarrassing moment while singing at the cantor microphone in front of a whole congregation at the 7pm mass, where i saw healing, where affirmation resounded off the walls, and where as a community, we all were able to share in the celebration of mass, and masses intended for peace every wednesday night. this was a place where i got to see my best friends serve, and truly it's where i found some of my bestest friends.
woke up pretty early the next day and drove back to orange county, only to stop by coffee bean (to get my tropical passion tea latte fix - i've been going without it in new york!!), only to see alli from response ability!! crazy!! we did orientation together in philly and she is teaching in LA...why was she in san diego? she was visiting her cousin. crazy, small world! i love it. :)
drove home, walked the dogs, had my phone call with marie (my spiritual director in NY) to talk about the spiritual exercises for this week - i start the passion...here we go kids...it's all about to get tough. but i think i'm ready. and then headed off to the beach, for some crystal time - some much needed reflection time and just being.
earlier that morning, i got to have an impromptu hangout with one of my favorite priests. i talked to him about vocation, how he knew he wanted to be a religious, what his calling was like, and how he dealt with the whole loneliness factor. sure, this is different for everyone, but i figure the more perspectives i get, the more i learn, the greater my knowledge and understanding will be. we talked about some of the struggles that are common, especially when seeing a majority of friends getting married around you, and you, seeing that that is not your vocation, rather, that you may be an instrument in rejoicing and celebrating that couple's love.
he told me stories about how important it is to not look at the past, or the future, but to truly, truly stay in the present. sure, it is inevitable for memories to stay locked down in the back of our minds, and there are beautiful moments in the past and sad moments from the past that may resurface, but the temptation to dive into those parts can be dangerous. who knows what the future will hold? through this time, i felt like i was just externally processing my feelings of being home and what this experience looked like for me, and again, it was me thinking faster than what was truly presently happening...he told me something that my spiritual director has been telling me for the past two/three weeks of direction...have faith. what.a.concept.
my spiritual director, marie, also said that it's quite key that i'm here at home right now, in this particular time, and if anything, this is playing such a wonderful role in my discernment to continue mission [in the philippines]. she told me that i'm doing a great job, and i'm a few steps ahead of a lot older people that she works with, and she reminded me to trust myself. especially with my heart and passion for the philippines. she affirmed me, especially amidst all this transition that i have been experiencing since i decided to move to new york, and you know, when i take a step back and think about it, wow. this, IS crazy, but i think the best part, is that i could not imagine myself doing anything different right now - this is where i am called to be right now, and thank God for that. it's a beautiful life.
the missionary spirit...mother cabrini, you found it in me! i see it, i feel it, and it gets me every time. :)
and with that, i'm off to get ready for a cabrini mission corps info sesh at LMU.
This week, I had the blessed opportunity to be missioned to California to spread the word of Cabrini Mission Corps at my alma mater, USD, and at LA college, LMU. In addition, I get to volunteer at LA Congress for the 4th year in a row! woohooo! for that, I am grateful, and for that, I am super stoked to be here!
It has already been quite the whirlwind, since my 3 hour flight delay leaving la guardia airport on early saturday morning. mary had told me that she wanted to take me to the airport, and so we planned to leave at 7:45am...well, she came in at 8am, and i realized i was still in bed. oops! her, michelle, and i ventured to the airport, and why is parting so difficult! not a good set up for what is to come with the inevitable departure in june, but it was wonderful to be sent off by my sisters themselves.
after the hours of sitting on the runway, got on the plane, only to freak out and wonder if i would miss my connection - sure enough...time past, we were still on the runway, getting into the air, and it was my connection flight...about to leave...in chicago. awesome. i get to chicago only to find that that flight too was delayed - thank you Lord. get on the plane, sit on the runway for a little longer and i end up sitting next to a girl who is in her first year of college at john hopkins and she's from dana point, and right next to me is a 22 year old, who looks like she could be 30, and she's from alabama. we exchanged life stories (kinda), and at the end of it, she told me to wait to have a kid (she had one when she was 17), she told me about the book fireproof (a book on love), and said to have fun before i buckle down with anything. she asked me if i was engaged - i noticed her staring at my ring, but she would nonchalantly look away and looked kinda confused especially when i said no, but it was ok. she was visiting her marine husband in camp pendleton and was so antsy throughout the flight. meanwhile, i fell asleep with uncle jim's book in hand - the jesuit's guide to [almost] everything. woke up and we were descending. perfect!
it was great to be reunited with my mom and spend some time with her. sunday morning i got to sing at mass, and it was one of the funnest times i've ever had singing. it could have been the songs for that day, it could have been that i could actually see people singing along with the choir, but particularly, we got to sing lead me home by matt maher. that song resounded in my ears as i prepared for mission corps. it's on the "drive to work" playlist i would have on my ipod - it's what i would listen to when i would be driving to work in LA, wondering what's next for my life...we got to sing it, and i think i sang that pretty loud. my mom said she could hear me on the mic. that's always fun. haha, but i guess i'm pretty loud anyway. :) so i thought that was a totally unexpected blessing, and it helped me reflect on where i am, what i am doing, and affirmed me with joy through it all. all i thought about through mass was, disponibilita. how that resounded in my mind and in my heart? i have no idea, but i think the fact that there's portraits of some american saints, including mother cabrini, lined along the walls by the choir, facilitated those feelings a little bit. it got me excited!
driving down the 5 freeway to san diego, i had so many urges to to stop on the side of the road and take pictures. i didn't, cause i was just anxious to get out of my car and be in the city that helped shape who i was through college, but it was absolutely gorgeous. there were times when i was just thinking, i need mary and michelle in here - they need to see this! it was absolutely beautiful. i'm not someone for the outdoors, or nature, or anything of the sort, but i guess doing without the sun in new york really sharpens my senses of sunshine and yellow, here in southern california.
got to san diego and was greeted by ben and rochelle. loved catching up and loved hearing stories. then the other roomies came, and it was such a great time! i could not help but just listen, smile, affirm, and celebrate. we all went to mass at founders and i had the opportunity to talk with graduating seniors and other students after the mass to talk Cabrini Mission Corps placements and application process. the more i talked about it, the more excited i got to be a missioner. someone said, "it helps to have a face go with the program!" that made me happy cause i was like, phew! so my presence does matter. i got to see some of my freshman residents (when i was an RA) who are now seniors. why can they pick me up? crazy! i saw one of my students' sister, who attends USD and she was saying that she has yet to meet one dominican. i said, YUP. that's EXACTLY how i was, when i left southern california. i was still pretty convinced for short, i would call them dominican republican. yup, my worldview was completely off in that aspect...little did i know the beauty and the richness of that which is dominican up in the heights and in the world. so beautiful!
being in founders chapel was pretty nostalgic and surges of emotions just came over me the whole time. the altar, with jesus on the cross and the women all around him, was still more powerful than ever. this was the place where i loved, where i broke down, where i prayed, where i would run to in the middle of the night when i had nowhere else to go (i would usually drag someone with me cause i get scared of the dark...haha, figures), it's the place where we would celebrate God's love, where i had my embarrassing moment while singing at the cantor microphone in front of a whole congregation at the 7pm mass, where i saw healing, where affirmation resounded off the walls, and where as a community, we all were able to share in the celebration of mass, and masses intended for peace every wednesday night. this was a place where i got to see my best friends serve, and truly it's where i found some of my bestest friends.
woke up pretty early the next day and drove back to orange county, only to stop by coffee bean (to get my tropical passion tea latte fix - i've been going without it in new york!!), only to see alli from response ability!! crazy!! we did orientation together in philly and she is teaching in LA...why was she in san diego? she was visiting her cousin. crazy, small world! i love it. :)
drove home, walked the dogs, had my phone call with marie (my spiritual director in NY) to talk about the spiritual exercises for this week - i start the passion...here we go kids...it's all about to get tough. but i think i'm ready. and then headed off to the beach, for some crystal time - some much needed reflection time and just being.
earlier that morning, i got to have an impromptu hangout with one of my favorite priests. i talked to him about vocation, how he knew he wanted to be a religious, what his calling was like, and how he dealt with the whole loneliness factor. sure, this is different for everyone, but i figure the more perspectives i get, the more i learn, the greater my knowledge and understanding will be. we talked about some of the struggles that are common, especially when seeing a majority of friends getting married around you, and you, seeing that that is not your vocation, rather, that you may be an instrument in rejoicing and celebrating that couple's love.
he told me stories about how important it is to not look at the past, or the future, but to truly, truly stay in the present. sure, it is inevitable for memories to stay locked down in the back of our minds, and there are beautiful moments in the past and sad moments from the past that may resurface, but the temptation to dive into those parts can be dangerous. who knows what the future will hold? through this time, i felt like i was just externally processing my feelings of being home and what this experience looked like for me, and again, it was me thinking faster than what was truly presently happening...he told me something that my spiritual director has been telling me for the past two/three weeks of direction...have faith. what.a.concept.
my spiritual director, marie, also said that it's quite key that i'm here at home right now, in this particular time, and if anything, this is playing such a wonderful role in my discernment to continue mission [in the philippines]. she told me that i'm doing a great job, and i'm a few steps ahead of a lot older people that she works with, and she reminded me to trust myself. especially with my heart and passion for the philippines. she affirmed me, especially amidst all this transition that i have been experiencing since i decided to move to new york, and you know, when i take a step back and think about it, wow. this, IS crazy, but i think the best part, is that i could not imagine myself doing anything different right now - this is where i am called to be right now, and thank God for that. it's a beautiful life.
the missionary spirit...mother cabrini, you found it in me! i see it, i feel it, and it gets me every time. :)
and with that, i'm off to get ready for a cabrini mission corps info sesh at LMU.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
my hands are holding you...
so here we go kids. i'm leaving my house in about 20 minutes. the car is packed with my 50 lb suitcases (2 of them) and my carry-on, full and completely packed with my 2 foot santo nino statue, my little santo nino and my little good shepherd figurine from the good shepherd sisters from manila. YUP. if the airport people give me any trouble,
Saturday, July 25, 2009
i don't wanna go through the motions
every day there seems to be a blessing. literally, a blessing, for me. for me! ahhh! this is real. i am a little weirded out by the fact that i don't understand what is happening...i go downstairs and i see all the tables set up, all the food being prepared, and for the past 3 days my mom and her friends have been downstairs cutting up vegetables, and gathering food ideas for the party tonight. this is so weird...is this the wedding celebration for me that i will never have? just a thought.
at st. monica, my priest was amazing enough to have me sent out by the parish with an acknowledgement of what i would be doing...in front of the entire congregation! at mass yesterday at st. timothy, my priest gathered the congregation for a public prayer over me. at morning prayer today in front of the blessed sacrament, i got prayed over by all that were in attendance. i don't know if it's that i have been praying about this for quite some time now, and it is becoming a reality, so this has seeped into me for quite sometime now, but everything just feels so natural.
i have been receiving a lot of congratulations, and good luck, and wow, that is so amazing from so many people...and i of course receive it with the utmost amount of gratitude and thanks, but it kind of freaks me out that this just feels so natural and so right, that it is not a shock to me anymore. i suppose many people would say that's a good thing, because that means this is the right decision - but i guess, that's where the freakout comes. what's next??
i am led where i am called, and i am moving in the right direction. i'm teaching health. HAHA. and helping with marketing at the school, due to my marketing background - thank coupons - and i'm helping put together the yearbook. i think i need to start reading books...my commute to school is about 56 minutes. AH! gotta love it.
at st. monica, my priest was amazing enough to have me sent out by the parish with an acknowledgement of what i would be doing...in front of the entire congregation! at mass yesterday at st. timothy, my priest gathered the congregation for a public prayer over me. at morning prayer today in front of the blessed sacrament, i got prayed over by all that were in attendance. i don't know if it's that i have been praying about this for quite some time now, and it is becoming a reality, so this has seeped into me for quite sometime now, but everything just feels so natural.
i have been receiving a lot of congratulations, and good luck, and wow, that is so amazing from so many people...and i of course receive it with the utmost amount of gratitude and thanks, but it kind of freaks me out that this just feels so natural and so right, that it is not a shock to me anymore. i suppose many people would say that's a good thing, because that means this is the right decision - but i guess, that's where the freakout comes. what's next??
i am led where i am called, and i am moving in the right direction. i'm teaching health. HAHA. and helping with marketing at the school, due to my marketing background - thank coupons - and i'm helping put together the yearbook. i think i need to start reading books...my commute to school is about 56 minutes. AH! gotta love it.
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