a special day. full of joy.

full authority has been given to me both in heaven and on earth; go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations. baptize them in the name of the father and of the son, and of the holy spirit. teach them to carry out everything i have commanded you. and know that i am with you always, until the end of the world! ~ the great commission, gospel according to matthew

indeed, the holy spirit has been working overtime here in baguio city, but more specifically, with me, and today is a clear testament of that. today is a clear affirmation to me that i am meant to be here, that i have been absolutely called to serve here in the philippines, and it is as if fresh air from the stirrings of the spirit has poured over me. it's a good feeling. a rejuvenation and renewal of insight as i continue my mission. my constant prayer of, "dear Lord, please show me how i may serve you best and follow your will" has been translating itself into real life.

and so, here is a rundown of today - one day that will stay with me, always!

project read and learn
sr. t and i teach catechism at an elementary school in the outskirts of baguio city and we fell in love with the staff, the students, and the school just as soon as we taught our first classes. these students walk up to an hour and a half to school, and so you can only imagine that if it rains, these are the kids you see on the side of street with plastic bags over their bodies :( they come from rural areas and their parents (the majority) are farmers.

sister handles grades 1-3 and i teach catechism to grades 4-6. it's pretty amazing how far my little knowledge of tagalog can go, especially in the teaching setting! the idea is that sister teaches the young kids, like, the "lola" or grandma that she is, and i, as a youth, teach my fellow youth - youth teaching the youth. it's an amazing model.

in early february, as sister and i were preparing for her lenten retreat that she was going to be leading with our circles of discernment group, she thought about organizing people to give to the community of students at the school we teach at. so i immediately reached out to one of the cabrini collaborators, and she in fact, was also looking for a place where she can help out - and so, next thing you know, i accompanied her to the school, showed her the need, and hundreds of notebooks, boxes of pens and pencils, art supplies, clothes, and donated books later...we found ourselves at the school today, distributing the school supplies and materials to the children! project read and learn had been launched! how fitting on their first day of school :)

we were joined by seven other volunteers, sister, and the new administrator at SOSCFI (who by the way is also a product of divine intervention. this is going to be GOOD). the kids were overjoyed, and i could not help but also be filled with joy as the kids would yell, ate crystal!! and then give me the high-fives that i missed for the past months of summer! the volunteers handed out the notebooks and the materials to the kids, we played games as we raffled off more school supplies, and it was so wonderful! it was so much fun - the spirit was present. :)

i've never helped head up a donation drive like this before, and reflecting on the experience, i saw how truly God's providence allowed everything to happen. donations - in supplies and monetary donations came in in an abundance and the process was seamless. one of the challenges was determining how we were going to transport ALL of the materials over to the school - well turns out, one of our friends was able to help us out with his company jeepney. the Lord really provided even in transport! amazing. sister said it best when she said that when you take the initiative to help God's poor, He provides everything - but it is up to us to take that initiative. SO TRUE.

after that amazing afternoon, my heart was filled with joy and absolute gratitude for all of the donors and the volunteers who gave their time to spend time with the kids that afternoon. it was just a really beautiful time!

after that, i left the office, and realized that i needed to have some quiet time - maybe sit in a coffee shop. as i looked at my watch, turns out it was just about time for mass to start, so i thought - hmm should i just go to mass and offer my thanks to God? that was an option. or i could go to a coffee shop, read the daily readings on my own, just journal and people watch. well, as the jeepney passed by church, i thought to myself, no, i think i'll just go to mass. for some reason, i felt like i was going to see someone there - someone that i was meant to see. i don't know how that thought even came to my mind, but there was something inside of me that told me, you should go to church. thank you, guardian angel.

an unlikely encounter
as i prayed and wrote in my anawim way, i looked up, and some pews ahead of me, i saw a familiar sideview/back of the head kind of thing...and i thought to myself, how do i know this person? it was one of those moments where, when seeing someone in a different context than what you are used to, you have to think a little bit...and then i realized - i know this person from the jail! i kept trying to think of the person's name, in the rare event that it was who i thought it was, and turns out, boo. i couldn't think of her name.

and then randomly, it came to mind! so i decided to follow her after mass and try to catch a closer glimpse. turns out it was exactly who i thought it was, and there we were, chattin' it up, getting the update, and then, grabbed a cup of coffee and caught up on life. i think the bizarre part about that encounter is that we only met once in the past. so how i remembered her name, no idea.

it was a blessing in the sense that i learned more. and she told me about her rehabilitation during her incarceration...how she felt she grew as a person, and how important it was to have that chance for her to forgive herself and others and to make a conscious responsible choice everyday that she was there. the importance of listening to your heart and embracing all opportunities to grow. to trust in God, never lose hope, have respect for yourself and for others, and to always pray for those in jail. she shared with me tragedies and moments of joy and the importance of having to go through a process before skipping straight from point A to point B.

we ended up talking for an hour and a half, and i think my mind and heart were just full of joy at the fact that she had been released. never did i ever think i would end up sharing a cup of coffee with her tonight after a simple meeting encounter after mass. and it was an absolute blessing! for whatever reason, she was the person i was meant to see! my guardian angel knew best and led me in the right direction, as always. and this time, i followed. which, does not always happen, for whatever reason (i'm getting better at it though!)

i returned home, was gushing with joy, shared the story of my day with my community, then briefed sister on the amazing events of today, as facilitated by the holy spirit.

we ended with some exercises via pranic healing with sister, and called it a night.

and with that, good night. thank you, holy spirit.

all worth it

today's gospel: jn 16:12-15

"Jesus said to his disciplines, 'I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.'" // THIS spoke to me so loud and clear tonight during evening prayer with sr. terezinha. there is a plan here, there is something WAY bigger than me, and bigger than this mission that is at work here, and i know that hat is jesus and the spirit moving in this place...i am just so anxious to find out what brilliant plan is unraveling itself right now, and i just hope that i am on the right track...something tells me i am, and that's always a good sign :) but, not gonna lie, sometimes i'm like, is this really what i am supposed to do?

when tough times come my way, i have learned to offer it up. when i am doing a mundane task, i offer it up and i think about my motivation behind what i am doing and ask myself, "why?" when i go back to the main cause that i am working for here, it keeps me going. :)

the first reading talks about how paul went to athens, spoke his truth, and they pretty much told him, "ummm, thanks, but come back another time." the meditation in my prayer book is as follows: "At that point Paul leaves them. Although his efforts in Athens mostly failed, there were a few converts. Even if there were only one, it would have been worth it. Jesus would go after one lost sheep, and that is the spirit he wants us to have." that is certainly a challenge here on mission in baguio city. i reflect on our bible studies, on our liturgies, on the times we are speaking with the parents and the children, and i think to myself...are they even listening or do they even understand my broken tagalog and fast-paced english (i'm working on slowing it down!)?

regardless, i trust that the spirit moves through our heart, our efforts, and our good will, and we are living our mission as we are called.

more than a list.

i have been doing quite a lot of reflecting in the past couple of days, more specifically from yesterday, and so, here are some thoughts...in no particular order, but i figure i would simply type away as i so frequently do - raw stream of consciousness...oh goodie, my favorite! here we go!

i have learned that mission is not only the beautiful photos of children, cultural practices and traditions and heartfelt moments that i experience. mission is more than a surface level engagement - it is one that hits deep within, making me wonder sometimes what that specific moment was that caused my emotional shell to shake a little bit. or if it was a culmination of events? mission is not just walking place to place, walking in the rain, using an umbrella that only covers one side of my body as the water pours from both directions - i have learned that mission is also learning how to sit still and to LISTEN to what people are saying and not saying through the cross-cultural exchange of body language and dialect spoken. mission is not just doing activities and leading modules to keep the people busy, it is conducting these programs for a purpose and clear vision in mind - one that will strengthen, encourage, empower, and/or educate. mission is not just loving the fact that the children love to sing, dance, and perform - these are times to help build confidence, hone the natural skills, and bring attention to the gifts that each of the children have been given. mission is not just throwing out my opinion and expecting everyone to follow. mission is speaking, and also remembering that sometimes i'm speaking too fast. so i need to speak slower. and listen to what i am saying. mission is made up of high-fives and pats on the back after successful programming, but it is also tears, sweat, frustrations, and lots of to-do lists through the entire process. mission is not about isolated incidents, mission is all about relationships.

mission is learning my limits, learning how to say no to the things that i do not have time for and things i refuse to make time for, but mission is also saying yes, to healthy challenges, to being stretched, but not stretched thin, and to saying yes to spread the love of Christ everywhere i go. mission is accepting the fact that i am only responsible for myself and my actions and acknowledging that i am never alone on my every day ventures. mission is relying on prayer and realizing that i need way more sleep here than i ever did, living elsewhere. mission is leaving my house and walking to the jeepney with prayer in my heart, with no idea what surprises the day has in store for me. mission is looking at the people seated next to me in the jeepney, wondering what they did all day, and wanting to find out how many mouths they have to feed for dinner and who is at home with their little ones. mission is noticing the shifts in attitudes of the juveniles at the jail and having conversations with them about their week. mission is sincerely caring and never doing anything because i am forced to or because of an imposed "should" statement. mission is staying true to my word and being consistent with my jail visits. mission is learning about other religious congregations and being in solidarity with other volunteers that work to build sustainable communities and have the same vision of empowerment and hope for progress.

mission is not imposing my american-ness or my catholic faith unto others, but to bring who i am to the table and bringing in additional seats when necessary. all are always welcome. mission never gets put on hold, but breaks are indeed necessary. especially during summer months. mission is walking around in my rainbow sandals that remind me everyday of southern california, and walking around in my pink rainboots in the afternoon as soon as the grey clouds set in over the city. mission is learning how to be healthy - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and learning how to be intentional about feeding each of those areas of my life. mission needs balance. thank goodness i'm a libra, because i too, crave that balance for my life.

mission is a challenge - it is painful sometimes, so much to the point of tears and long-distance phone calls to familiar voices on the other end for some words of wisdom, at times.. mission is not just the happy stories. mission is tragic. but mission is also beautiful in its own ways, everyday. mission is the life i lead and i am affirmed everyday. the affirmation is a gift - even without the affirmation, i am on my mission because i believe in it.

mission is leading, even if only one person is walking alongside me. mission is being an advocate for, and fighting for, and working towards, and moving forward, and walking, sometimes running, but always knowing when to sit, get rest, stop for a little bit, and rest my eyes early, even if it is on a saturday night. mission is falling asleep as soon as i plop myself in bed, not realizing till the morning how tired the week made me. mission is being gentle with myself and extending grace to myself and to others, even in the most exasperating moments. mission is happy times and being hopeful and trusting in that voice i heard in my heart and continue to hear through others who surround me, mission is light.