it's all in desire...

today marks ash wednesday, as noted on the dark pigmentation on my forehead...and what a good lent i hope to have.

it has been quite the past couple of weeks, with moments where i would think to myself, wow, i should really write that down...and sure enough, i have forgotten many of those moments, but i'm ok with that. for lent, i am making the following changes in my lifestyle...no eating of cookies, no eating of deep fried food (we all know how much i love french fries and chicken tenders..!)...and i'm doing the following...stop//look//listen...at multiple points in my day, stop, give myself a moment, and actually be present...look, and be mindful and aware of what i'm doing, where i'm at, where is God...listen, incorporate it altogether and listen to what the moment is telling me...i'm really looking forward to this practice as i think it will really help me be 1) present and 2) aware.

sometimes it is really difficult for me to be present, especially since a big part of my personality lies in the fact that i like to do ten million things at once, there are always people that i want to correspond with, either through calls, email or text, and as a result, sometimes i miss out on good nuggets of wisdom shared from the person i may be with at any given moment.

random ramblings:
--today i had a moment where i wanted to give a hungry man some of my applesauce, and sure enough i rushed out of the train because i had to get off on my appropriate stop, but wasn't able to get it out of my bag quick enough...sure enough, i walk away with the doors still open...meaning, if i actually was patient instead of frazzled, i could have gotten homie the applesauce intended for him. later this afternoon, i saw a man asleep on the subway, sprawled out, using the seat as a bed...exhausted, tired. it made my heart sad. the applesauce that was intended for the man in the morning, then was given to this man. i just put it on his walker, as he slept, and as people veered out of the way of sitting anywhere near him. :( //stop//look//listen

--i had an amazing mardi gras tuesday. granted it was snowing and hurting my face, but our community was able to have a wonderful lunch celebration at sacred heart convent... and sr. adelina and sr. speranza are there now! it was a delicious meal, and i really think i burned a lot of calories laughing so hard. i then got to play piano for a good hour! i can not even describe to you how much freedom i receive when i have a piano and some of my favorite songs that i get to play. singing and playing...THAT is my happy place i have decided. ah it was just so great! then of course, got to hang out with the best friends, and well, the celebration continued in the evening and i ate all the desserts i could ever imagine. for real. i figure, hey, if the sisters are supporting this, and they are telling me to eat more, i'm gonna do it...haha :)

-- i visited the mercy center today (run by the sisters of mercy) in the bronx. i had the awesome opportunity to babysit 3-5 year olds as their parents were in ESL classes. it was so refreshing, as i could not even remember the last time i was around a whole classroom of toddlers these ages. it was so fun!! of course, i flocked to the drum, the maracas, and the keyboard, and i was able to get a whole band together. talked with the sisters, found out more, and of course, the grace comes with it all. :)

-- seeing jess and ryan every day, or whenever i have opportunities to do so, really just add an amazing element to my life. chelsea market has become our nest.

-- i am learning more and more about grace that is in every experience...

-- my mom sent me a stuffed animal that is voice activated. you say i love you and it talks back to you! we all know that i am obsessed with stuffed animals...and she got us pastries and some delicious godiva chocolates. delish!

-- i spent many moments at CCNR this past week visiting sr. speranza and sr. adelina. being surrounded by richness of life, and boldness, and educated women, and joy-filled women, wow. my experiences with the sisters always get better and better, and i could not imagine a more vibrant community. the sarcasm, the jokes, the friendship, and the faith - i can't even describe it, but there are just moments around our dinner table when i would just sit back and think, wow...this is really awesome. never thought i would be here, that's for sure.

-- crystal goes home in less than a month...can't wait to visit san diego, orange county, and santa monica..ah the beauty in that! gotta make sure to bring some sunshine back with me. i'm freakin' freezing all up in this place.

and with that my friends, there we go...i want to be inspired, i want to inspire, i want to be positive and realistic, and help spread joy. everything i did this past weekend was spent with people that i wholeheartedly enjoy being with. with that being said, i shall continue - surround myself with people who build me up rather than desire to take me down, be authentic, be real, and love who i am. i can't be a jesuit, but i'm coming to accept that...gonna continue to explore my vocation and listen to the voice of that which comes from within...